Forever Imprinted.

Chapter Ten- After.

Chapter Ten- After

- Of Acceptance.

“Acceptance is the key to moving on.”

Christmas came along and it pained to fake a smile for my relatives. I didn’t feel happy when I got my gifts- a kindle paper white and a sign copy of The Fault In Our Stars.  The Christmas movies we normally watched didn’t lift my spirits and grandma’s cookies that she made twice a year didn’t make my grin like I normally did.

In other words; Christmas was a bust. But after a few inspiring words from my aunt, one too many tubs of ice-cream and too many chick flicks I found myself writing my New Year’s Resolution.

No. 1 Get over James.

And when the clock stroke twelve and the fireworks went off, I smiled. I may not have a special boy to spend it with but I smiled because I knew that things would get better.

The second of January, I found myself dialing an all too familiar number and holding my breath as they spoke.

“Cassie?”

“Hey James, uh can you come over?”

It may have been my first heartbreak, my first break-up my I knew I needed closure. I needed it from the source.

James came over five minutes later with a nervous smile and fidgety hands. It tension was thick enough to be cut with knife. I didn’t like it. After the first few encounters with James our friendship which turned into a relationship was normal. We were comfortable with each other.

Then there was the break up and it seemed like whenever we were together I would be crying. But I promised myself that I had cry too much over him.

“I need you to tell me what happened?”

James visibly tensed and audibly gulped. “Cassie-”

“Don’t,” I interrupted him. “Don’t call me Cassie.”

I’ve always loved that James called my Cassie. It was a nickname that no one else used but if he kept on calling me it I would break, I knew it.

“Uh yeah. Um are you sure you want to hear-?”

I sighed and kneaded my hands together on my lap. “I don’t want to hear it James but I have to know. For closure.”

He ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes before he began. “After I left, I texted my friend and told him I wasn’t coming and that you and I had a fight. He convinced me still come. When I reached he instantly gave me a beer and I just…yeah.”

“Then I found myself looking for Carly. Please believe me when I say it was because I wanted to know if you were okay but…she was flirting and I was drunk and we ended up upstairs.”

I nodded, already opening my mouth to speak when he continued. “I was going to tell you. I came ready to tell you and beg you to take me back but then I saw you mom. Do you know what she said to me?” he stopped and wiped the few tears that escaped his eyes.

“I remember every word. ‘I’m glad my daughter found someone she can trust and be herself with.’ Then all I could think about was your dad and the promise and I knew, I knew you would hate me. I was so damn conflicted but when you said that you loved me I-I couldn’t.”

For a moment we were both silent. James’ eyes were still closed and tears were freely flowing down his cheeks. I wanted to hug him, to tell him it was alright and I forced myself to remember the nights and days I would cry. He was never there for me.