Next to You (COMPLETED)

11 - For Now

The shock on Kat's face is still evident and she was not able to continue eating for a while.

"Shocks, pano na si Joan?"

"Sino si Joan?" tanong naman ni Colton.

Muling napatakip ng bibig si Kat at umiling na lang sa pinsan niya. Napansin ko na din na mukhang binibilisan ni Kat ang pag-ubos sa pagkain niya at alam ko kung anong plano niya. I did the same technique about 2-3 times before sa mga friends ko sa Manila. She wanted me and Colton to have time alone. Something I personally don't want to happen so I also try to finish my meal fast but Kat beat me to it.

"Ahm... ano, kuya nagtext TL namin. May kailangan daw siya sa aking sabihin na importante. Bale una na ako sa inyo." Kat immediately stood up and gave both me and his cousin a teasing smile. After a few, she then started walking towards the exit. Although I wanted to protest and say na sasabay na ako, di ko na din nagawa because it will be so obvious that I was trying to avoid Colton. Also, I still have about half of my meal and I am personally against leaving leftovers. Mismong ang pagsasaka ng bigas ay mahirap gawin kaya ayoko na may naaksayang pagkain. Maraming tao ang di nakakain ng wasto sa araw-araw kaya ayokong may natitira at nasasayang sa mga kinakain ko.

Once we were left alone, I silently finished my meal. Ang totoo, gusto ko sanang pag natapos na ako ay umalis na din ako agad. Pero, if gagawin ko yun alam kong di rin magandang tingnan lalo pa at di pa tapos kumain si Colton.  After a few minutes, Colton finished his meal and he stood up. When I thought that we will be leaving and I am preparing to stand up as well, he just went on the front seat where Kat was sitting before.

"Pwede ba kitang makausap?" he asked while also staring at me.

My heart beat's started doubling again because of his question. I can honestly foretell what this talk will be all about. Gusto ko sanang tumanggi at magsinungaling na lang na kailangan ko nang bumalik sa office, but I also realize that I need to be straight with him too. If he was able to be direct in telling his feelings for me a while ago, I think he also deserves to know directly from me what's my take on his confession. Also, I want to be honest to him and not give him any false hopes.

I just nodded at him and waited on what he is about to say. I also tried to normalize my breathing and I secretly do breathing exercises so I can calm my heart. I know what to do exactly and that is to tell him I am not really open for any romantic relationship, but why does my heart feels this way. More than nervous, I can feel that I am excited? And happy? Shit Mirianne, this is not part of your plan!

"Tama naman ang binigay sa akin na number ng pinsan mo diba? I mean you do received my messages?"

I did not say anything but I nodded my head. I also took this time to study him. I already know he looks charming, pero bakit parang mas nagiging good looking siya ngayon? Shit! Mirianne, ano bang mga iniisip mo?

Halos tatlong buwan na din ako sa office at sa panahon na yun, madalas ay nakakasalubong ko siya pero di ko naman siya ganun ka-attractive noon. Is it because of his newly cut hair?

"Ahh.. talagang di ka lang nagreply sa akin." He sighed and bowed down a bit. Akala ko tapos na but upon lifting his head up, he smiled to me again and that smile managed to quicken my heart beat more. Bakit ngayon ko lang napansin na may dimple siya? Tapos, ang ganda ng ngipin niya, yung parang alam mong nakabrace siya nung bata kasi pantay talaga. At.... at bakit ko ba napapansin ang mga yun!

"Hmmm.. sorry pala kanina. I was too straight forward, I guess. But.. aaahh.. it doesn't mean I am not serious of what I said. I mean, I should have not told that with other people around. Mas maganda siguro kung sa'yo ko na lang muna nasabi."

Bakit niya kailangan ulitin! Balak ko nalang sana balewalain pero mukhang malabo na yung mangyari. Here he is, confessing to me he likes me and I don't know how to say no.

"Colton.. ahmm... ano kasi.." I was not able to continue when he lift his hand a bit, making me stop talking.

"I know. I mean, you not replying on my text and invitation is a sign that you don't like to go out with me. Naiintindihan ko. Technically, we just met and we haven't really talk or hang out pero... sana... wag mo naman din akong pigilan na makilala ka."

He looked sad and hopeful while saying those and I can feel his sincerity. Pero kung di ko naman siya irereject ngayon, that would be more cruel on my part. Ayokong nagpapaasa ng tao.

I sighed before I started explaining. Maybe if he will have a sort of idea what happened in my last relationship, then he might understand my side more.

"Colton.. first, please know that I am... ahmm... flattered that you ... like me. The thing though is, one of the reasons I changed my environment is.... I want to heal. My last relationship wrecked me to the point I am actually planning to stay single all my life. Hmmm... Something really bad and embarrasing happened and I don't know, it makes me realize na baka di talaga ako para sa isang romantic relationship at tingin ko mas makakabuti sa akin to be just by myself." He was about to say something but I continued and let him know what I can only offer.

"Friendship. That's all I can give, Colton." I finally said and gave him a small smile.

He stared at me first but nodded after a while. I sighed and was relieved that he understood me.

"Ahmm. Let's go? Matatapos na din kasi yung break period ko."

He stood up and I did the same. We walked together back to the office and he was silent the whole time and I decided not to talk anymore as well. I said goodbye to him when the elevator reached the floor where our department is. He just nodded to me but I am thankful he gave a small smile.

The other half of the shift was not too busy. I am also grateful that Kat did not tease me or anything, probably because ayaw niya ding malaman ni Joan na ako yung babaeng gusto ng crush niya. However, there were times that Kat will give me a teasing smile and she also starts calling me ate. Noon naman ay di niya ako tinatawag ng ganun since isang taon lang naman ang tanda ko sa kanya.

I will not deny that Colton had been on my thoughts and I had this voice inside of me that is partly telling me that what I did was wrong. Should I give myself another chance? Maybe he is the better one? Nai-imagine ko na din ang magiging reaction nang pinsan ko once he learned about his boss' confession. I can clearly hear him on my mind asking me the big question... why? Why did I not give it a try? Why did I not give him a chance? Why can't I know him first and then reject him after kung talagang wala. Those were my thoughts until I went home. Di rin naman nagtanong si Colton nung kung ano-ano so most likely, his boss did not tell anything to him.

I took a quick shower and while doing so, naisip ko na naman si Colton. Bakit parang.... nagsisisi ako sa sinabi ko sa kanya kanina? Do I really want to be single forever or was I just too emotional that time when I told myself na ayoko nang pumasok sa isang relasyon? Sighing, I tried to divert my thoughts on other things. I am now putting my skin care products when a text came in. It's from him. From Colton.

Mirianne, I know you said we can just be friends and I am okay with that.

Hindi ba dapat masaya ako? This is what I want, right? To just be friends with him. But why does my heart feel heavy now? I sighed and decided to put my phone down when a new message from him came. This new message, however, undeniably made my heart and lips smile.

Just for now.