The Rebound Game

Five

  "I am not twenty three anymore. I will one day want a family and I would want the mother of my children to be someone my kids can look up to. The woman who would show our daughter how to follow her wildest dreams, against all odds. That's why I am asking you to please consider making some adjustments to your lifestyle."

     
"You are not like planning to propose to me on my birthday, right? Because you just spoiled the surprise, honey." I attempted to insert some humor because serious conversations tend to make me uncomfortable.

 I was half joking, of course .I reasoned that it had to be the only explanation why he was suddenly judging me. He wanted a proper fiancée whom he could introduce to his grandma in Kampala during the December holidays.

"I am hurt that you would think I am that selfish. I not only want this for myself but also for your own good. It does not have to be right now, but promise you will think about it?"
     
"Okaaay," I dragged out the words. I no longer wanted to talk about it.

Oliver kissed me on the cheek and left for work. It then hit me that I was no longer looking at the same picture with him anymore.

 I left a note on the fridge that I was leaving. I packed a few clothes in my suitcase and called an Uber to Shirley's apartment in Regan. I moved in to her guestroom and found a one bedroom apartment a few blocks from her the following week. In retrospect, I overestimated Ollie's love for me and even took him for granted. As fate would have it, Ollie called after three weeks to check on me.
       
I recall my excitement and my heart literally skipping a beat when I saw the caller ID. The silent treatment crap was coming to an end. He wanted to make it up to me. So there is a God after all.

But all that Ollie wanted to know was whether I was okay, if I was taking good care of myself and whether I needed some funds to get by while I tried to get on both feet.
     
During the first couple of weeks, I went through a rollercoaster of emotions; hurt , betrayal and mostly anger. Even when I went to collect the rest of my stuff in Ollie's three bedroom apartment in Westlands, I did it in less than ten minutes not wanting to run into him. I wanted him to be surprised to find that I had packed everything without using it as an excuse to see him and beg him to take me back.
     
 I even packed all my toothbrushes to spite him.

  Hell would freeze before I give him the satisfaction that I am hurting and need him so much.
     
It is like my life has taken a sharp U-turn and right now, this tiny flat suddenly feels enormous. I am in a desperate need for a smoke and you know what, fuck resolutions. I'll have the willpower later, just not now. Surely my lungs can survive today, they can't be that delicate.
      
Don't judge me. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
   
Annie calls later in the evening to say that she is sorry she couldn't have Fred, the HR,  reschedule the meeting as they needed someone on a short notice. I tell her it is not a huge deal; I am still looking up for job openings around and updating my resume. Or in other words, filling in imaginary work experiences to fit advertised jobs. It is not like they run background checks anyway.