In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said, let there be light, and there was light.
For a while, God wondered what he should do next. In his palm he held an orb of light and radiance. If he decided, this orb could become anything he wanted. A planet, a star, a life form, a piece of dust. Anything he imagined, there it would bee.
So he imagines... a bee.
And out of his palm, lo and behold, there flew a bee.
God looked down at the bee, and the bee looked back at him. Neither would be first to speak, and so a long silence began. If days and nights had been invented yet, the silence would have lasted 7 days and 7 nights. Finally, the Bee broke the long silence with no more than 3 words. These 3 words would be the first words spoken in this universe.
"Ya like jazz?"
And then there was Jazz.
For the next few millenia, God and the Bee worked together to craft all that composes this universe. They formed a very close bond, and were the best of friends. Some scholars even believe their relationship was closer than that, perhaps of a sexual nature.
Then came the fateful day that god wanted a son. And so he created the body of a child inside the girl Mary. But the child needed a soul, and he had no soul to give. So it came to pass that on the first Christmas day, the Bee gave his own soul to the child, and was reborn (beeborn) as a human boy, Jesus.
And so God stayed alone in heaven, watching the development of his son, until his son's death on the cross. When Jesus was buried in the cave, this is where scholars disagree. But I am not a scholar. I know the facts. This is what truly happened.
Three days later, three things happened. The original body of the boy Jesus, fell to ash. And in it's place grew a new body, of a human who would be named Jerry Seinfeld. The soul of the Bee rose through the mouth of the cave and returned to god's side, and the image of Christ was projected across the land as having been risen, whereas in reality, everything that had made him who he was was gone.
The immortal Jerry Seinfeld never died, but all through his life, he was plagued by half remembered thoughts and ancient dreams, of life as a bee. This lead him, in the year two thousand and seven, to create a movie based on this deep psychological disturbance. And he called it, The Bee Movie.
Meanwhile the Bee had been consoling God, who had fallen into a deep depression after the death of his son. And finally, after many years, he was ready once again to face reality. This all culminated at the exact release date of the Bee Movie, The Second of November, 2007. unfortunately, it would be less than 2 years later that a new threat would rise.
Unbeknownst to god, The Devil had been in the process of creating a prophet of the end times, and he dubbed that prophet Andrew Hussie. And on The Thirteenth of April, 2009, reality split into two distinct halves. God and the Bee were torn from each other, each one trapped in a universe of their own. God's fate was to be doomed, trapped in a small bubble universe attached to the edge of our own, with no influence over any events. The Bee was ripped from our universe entirely, and came to rest in the universe the prophet of Satan had created.
Homestuck.
(authors note this fucking bullshit fanfiction has been going for 4 fucking years)
