Spinning

Chapter 11: Lavender

**Shmutz warning**

I don't enjoy being happy. Well, that's not true. Of course I enjoy being happy. But I'm nervous when I'm happy; I'm nervous when things I've longed for, truly and achingly longed for come true. Because when they come true, I'm happy, and when I'm happy, I'm raised up, raised up high. But the higher I'm raised up, the more elated I am, the further the fall when the object raising me suddenly disappears, releasing me in free-fall. I'm terrified of being released, being dropped, and the long, hard fall down to despair. At least at the bottom I'm comfortable knowing I can't fall any further.

But as Eddie kissed me last night, I wasn't thinking of the fall. I was focused on how his hands moved from my cheeks to my neck, and how he pressed his forehead into mine when he released my lips. I nearly didn't open my eyes after. I was afraid of seeing the cold, dead stare I received following our first kiss on the rooftop. Reluctantly, I finally opened my eyes and looked up. Eddie gave me a smile, shy but with more confidence than normal, and I was so relieved to see warmth and interest in his face.

His shyness was bothering me. He certainly isn't shy on stage, and he isn't shy with his friends. Was he shy with that auburn haired ostrich? How do I pull Eddie out of himself? Why is he still shy with me? Luckily, I'm a wicked temptress, and shy men are my subjects of interest.

"I'm glad I could be so persuasive," I cooed as I shot him a marvelous smile and twirled his hair. He continued to look at me intently with a slight blush creeping into his ckeeks. My heart was pounding and I tried, unsuccessfully, to control my breathing. That was wonderful. When will I do it again? I needed to touch him again. I ran my hands down his chest. He's so chiseled, so sculpted...What a hideous flannel he's wearing—oh dear god. Gross.

"Ew! Please tell me that isn't the shirt from the audience." Eddie's shirt was torn off after his stint in the crowd, his god-like proportions shown off to the world. Someone from the audience had the nerve to donate their shirt to Eddie. Who knows where this shirt had been?

"What? Does it smell?" Eddie looked down and smelled, as if the homeless urinated on it instead of the wall. I crinkled my nose.

"No but... imagine where it's been...." Eddie smiled maliciously and started to rub the sleeves on my cheeks. I shrieked and nearly fell into the dumpster.

"Fine, you win." Eddie started to unbutton the shirt. "I always had a knack for stripping anyways." I smiled naughtily, eyeing the skin that's slowly revealed.

Victory. Finally, Eddie was shredding his shyness. I needed to make the most of this. I needed to solidify his openness. No more crawling back to your shell, Eddie.

"Let's take your talents elsewhere." I said with a wink. A wink? Who do I think I am?

Eddie eyed me with cautious intrigue. I took Eddie's hand, grabbed a fistful of his decadent hair and pulled him in for a kiss, pushing my hips into his, tequila providing baseless confidence. I didn't want there to be any miscommunication. To my delight, Eddie reciprocated eagerly. Light tingles vibrated through my wrists. He returned the pressure from his hips, and his hands moved to my waist, pulling me in closer. I almost fainted from the contact. I pulled away, but left a lingering hand on his exposed chest to steady myself.

Eddie bent down and grabbed his corduroy jacket from the ground, and put it on, buttoning it completely. My hand dropped away in defeat. Why, cruel world, must he hide God's beautiful creation? Eddie led me down the alleyway, throwing the shirt in the pile of dirty items left behind by the alleys latest tenants. I looped my arm through his and smiled up at him. Eddie grinned back and kissed my forehead. I led us to the train, oh so happy.