Finding Criss

Chapter 12

I was on the verge of tears. I was suddenly flooded with the reason of my coming here. The reason why I left my home. Why I left everyone I loved. Why I left James.
My hands covered my face as I sobbed. It didn't help that it was raining. I sat down on a bench outside of a classroom. I knew I couldn't get close to anyone. I could have revealed my secret.
But this, I feel like I have been betrayed. Why did Michael have a gun? Who would bring a freaking gun here?
I sobbed some more, anxiety building up inside of me. I needed to tell someone, or I might explode.
My tears stared falling more violently. My miserable life. So much loss, it's funny almost. Sometimes karma works best on others. Not me.
I felt a tap in my shoulder. Groaning, I shoved them off. "Please go away."
I muttered. That someone decided it would be best to sit next to me. I kept my head down.
"Criss?," I heard him say.
I looked up. Im sure I looked wonderful. My nose was streaming and mascara, I'm sure, was collecting in the new bags under my eyes. "I said, please go away,".
" I know, but your eyes look like they are asking me to stay." his hand reached up to cup my face, but I pulled away. "My eyes can't speak, so please go." I demanded as best I could, but instead let out a loud sputter of tears. James' arms wrapped around me. I felt his muscles flex around my body, giving me a small security, something to cling to. I felt myself relax into his embrace. "Criss, what happened? And why the hell are you crying? My Criss never cries." he caressed my head gently. I sobbed into his damp coat before coughing. " I'm just, I just," sputter," I just, feel very alone." I replied. I knew I wasn't alone,really, but I would be. I will be. I'm here so we can be alone. Alone is safe.But alone is not happy.
"You aren't alone, you have at least me."
"No I don't," I said pushing myself out of his grip. "I don't even have you. You don't belong to me. You never will. Not now." I said, more tears welling, then falling forth. Im sure I was making things awkward, but I didn't really care. I stood up and walked forward.
"What does that mean? Criss, wait!" I heard James exclaim from behind me. I started jogging , then running to my car. I was almost sure that I felt something for him. Something I'm not ready to accept, or embrace. Something I don't need to want, but I do. And now, I couldn't have him, and he wouldn't want me. I felt like giving up. I was in danger, and I felt like I couldn't escape it. I was running from something that would find me in the end.