Fuck, Marry, or Kill?

five: emergency

Tila ba ilang oras na akong nakaupo sa upuan ko, pero it's really only been 10 minutes palang naman.

I feel like I can't breathe anymore kaya tumayo na ako, hindi mapakali. Natataranta ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta nung tumayo. Kaya umupo nalang ulit ako.

Pero hindi pa rin ako mapalagay kaya tumayo ulit ako, yumuko ako sa upuan ko para kuhanin ang wallet sa bag. Tubig. Bibili nalang ako ng tubig.

"San ka punta hoy!" Hindi pa man din ako nakararating sa unahan ng classroom ay narinig ko na ang alingawngaw ng bunganga ni Gidya mula sa upuan niya.

"Canteen lang." Hindi ko na siya nilingon, baka mapansin niya lang ang pagkabalisa ko.

Nakatingin lang ako sa sahig, kinakabahan. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdam ko. Kailangan ko ng tubig, parang hihimatayin ata ako.

"Aw!" Pagliko ko sa hallway ay nabunggo ko ang isang estudyante, hindi ko na nilingon kung sino siya sa kakamadali ko, "Sorry, sorry." Pahabol ko nalang na sabi.

"Okay ka lang?" Suddenly, I am feeling worse than before I bumped into him.

I tilted my head up to face him. Bubuka na sana ang bibig ko at sasagot pero nawala ang sasabihin ko kaya isinarado ko nalang ulit.

"Para kang nakakita ng multo ah?" He joked.

His words travelled to all parts of my brain. Para kang nakakita ng multo, ah.

Mas accurate ata kung para akong nakarinig ng multo.

Narealize niya ata yung sinabi niya nang makita niya ang lalim ng iniisip ko, malulunod siya kung itry niyang magdive-in sa sobrang lalim.

But I guess he's a diver because he just shrugged and laughed like it was not a big deal.

And maybe it wasn't. To him.

"Haven't erased it from your memory, I see." The side of his lips rose up, and there on his stupid, but also very handsome face, was a playful smirk.

Hindi nga ako mapakali kanina pa dahil hindi ako handang makatabi siya sa upuan after last week, so yes, he's right, I haven't erased it from my memory.

On Thursday, I accidentally heard his rather private conversation with Hun, his sister, and I found out just all the things I wish I didn't.

At ang malala pa, nahuli niya akong nakikinig. I could've denied and saved myself, I could've said na kakapunta ko lang, and I didn't hear anything, but my eyes gave me in. I was shocked, and the look on my face made it very obvious.

Then my words made it even worse when I admitted I heard them that I even said, "Sorry, wala akong pagsasabihan, promise."

Stupid, Cataleia.

Buti nalang the next day after that, I had to attend a whole day seminar one of my professors sent me to. Only one student per class was required to go, so obviously ini-alay ko na ang sarili ko at sinabi kay Ma'am na ako na ang pupunta.

Usually, kapag ganoon, profs would tell me to ask sa group chat first kung sinong willing, but I took that opportunity to avoid having to see him. But it was the best it can do, I guess. Isang araw na pag-iwas. Because four days later, hindi pa rin ako nakaka-get over.

I stared at him for more seconds before I realized I had been staring, so I blinked a few times, shaking my head with the process.

"Bibili akong tubig." I said, not even remembering if he asked. I think he did. Or did he not?

"Okay? Thanks for the update?" He smiled. It was not a teasing smile. It looked like he was just happy.

So he didn't ask pala. Okay. How many more times can I embarrass myself in front of him?