depth of darkness || nakahara chuuya x reader

18

the corridors of the port mafia headquarters were silent and cold as you made your way through them, panic and remorse still fresh in your mind, fresh in your heart.

you leaned back against the stone wall, staring hopelessly out the big, stained glass window before you, the sudden burn of tears stinging the corners of your eyes as you squeezed them shut, willing them not to fall.

if only things were simpler. if only akutagawa weren't the egotistical, murder-driven maniac you know him to be. maybe then you'd be able to finally just get through this day.

you couldn't seem to slow your ragged, panicked breathing, thinking back on the events of just a few minutes ago. you raised a hand to graze over the gash in your arm, the burning of the slash drawing a pained wince from you as you dropped your hand back down to your side.

you should never have provoked akutagawa further, you knew from the beginning where that would lead. but why did you do it, even against your own better judgment? you have nothing to prove to the dark haired man, he means nothing.

the sound of quickly approaching footsteps draws you out of your thoughts, and you snap your eyes open, raising your head to meet chuuya's approaching azure eyes.

he stops a few feet away from you, leaning back against the stone wall, mirroring your stance.

"is your arm alright? you should get that stitched up." he advises you, his voice calm and leave as he addresses you, continuing to face forward and watch the outside world before you both.

you turn back to watch the trees swaying with the cool outdoor breeze, the branches waving hello like the sail on a boat, floating across the open seas. you watch a small red squirrel jump across branches, climbing into the nest it's made of twigs and fallen leaves. you say nothing to the executive beside you.

after a couple of minutes pass in silence, you can sense chuuya's impatience. still, you make no move to speak. no love to explain or defend your previous actions, but you also make no move to flee. if anything, you would say you were tired. tired of complications, and conflict within your comrades.

your distress showed no obvious signs of calming, but you kept a tight lid on the tears that threatened to spill over, hoping that willpower alone might be enough to keep them at bay.

a soft sigh escapes the lips of the man beside you, but you're so out of focus you barely register the sound, or the executives movements, until he is standing beside you, the beautiful azure eyes you've grown so fond of boring holes into the side of your face.

"y/n." he addresses you quietly, the ghost of your name on his lips sending a shiver down your spine, and you wince at the gentle use of it.

you stand up straighter, clearing your throat and continuing to stare out at the world, at the setting sun, which is painting the evening sky crimson and gold.

chuuya's head lowers momentarily, a second sigh slipping past his lips as he wracks his brain for a way to comfort you, in your obvious state of haziness.

"akutagawa can be a pain, he's nothing to worry about." the executive tries, his eyes searching your face for any trace of emotion, any lingering signs that you were even processing the words he was speaking. "what he said was out of line, there's nothing wrong-"

you snap your head towards him, a new fire blazing behind your eyes as you meet his gaze, eyes stinging with a new batch of tears. "there's nothing wrong with me? he was out of line, when what he said was pretty much true?" you spit your words at the man before you, irritation darkening your features as you let out a low laugh, tears brimming your eyes. "you don't know what it's like to lose yourself to people who only ever sought to weaponize you."

chuuya's expression spoke volumes about what he was feeling. distress was painted on his face like a big bright stop sign, and he had no idea what to do with the tears and the voice cracks, and the breakdown you were having.

"i lost myself to years of torture and experimentation. i lost myself to being forced into killing and assassination." now that the tears had started, they wouldn't seem to stop, and you stepped towards your partner, jabbing a finger into his solid chest. "you don't fucking know, so don't try to comfort me and tell me that akutagawa was out of line, that there's nothing wrong with me. because you and i both know that isn't fucking true."

chuuya was shocked by words, glancing down at your hand, the nail of your index finger digging into the skin of his chest uncomfortably.  he didn't know what to say to you, how to make it better. you knew he hadn't meant to offend you, that he was only trying to make you feel better, but your irritation got the better of you.

you were close to him now, having stepped forward in your angry statement, glaring daggers into his face as tears fell steadily down yours, the eyes of the red haired man before you telling you what do i do, how do i fix this?

you finally breathed, getting that small rant off your chest brought with it a lot of satisfaction. satisfaction of getting it out there, venting your frustrations in an attempt to force someone to understand that they can't understand.

with that small amount of stress of your shoulders, you gently press your finger into the executives chest a little harder, lips pressing together in a thin line, eyebrows drawing together as you gaze drops to his lips, a focused stare taking over your features as you observe the exact shape of them.

the man before you watched your eyes carefully, searching them for an answer to an unasked question, one that's been on his mind a lot recently.

you felt a gloved hand of the azure eyed executive reach up to gently take the hand on his chest, pulling it away, and back down to your side.

chuuya's lips part as he stares back at you, his eyes watching yours as they continue to focus on his lips, the both of you in a sort of trance.

your eyes flicker up to meet his again as he moves your hand, a soft, yet intense gaze meeting yours the moment your eyes connect.

a burning fire is ignited in your chest at the sight of the soft blush on his cheeks (one that you yourself probably mirror), and the dazed, expression he wore, eyes half closed as he met your eyes, briefly glancing down to your own lips as you observed his expression.

it just like that the trance was broken on your end, alarm lighting up your features like a lighthouse, and you quickly stepped back, slowly backing away from the executive as his eyes widened in realization of what it was that had just occurred.

"i-" chuuya starts, cutting himself off as you turn around, ignoring the start of his sentence and quickly beginning to wander off down the corridor, the heat in your cheeks growing more and more as you realize the situation you had been in only moments ago.

you walked quickly, making no detours on your way back to your room in the port mafia headquarters. ignoring the way your head pounds with stress and panic, you don't stop moving until you get back to the safety of your room, immediately throwing yourself onto your bed. you clutch at your pillow as you scream all of your most creative profanities into it, venting all of your emotions.

'a long day', doesn't come close to how you would describe it, and you can rightfully say that you're exhausted. emotionally, physically, and probably otherwise. still, you force yourself up, and head down to the medical wing, hoping to get the painful gash in your arm stitched up.