someone to love • spencer reid

the popular kids

i stood in the kitchen, eating my vietnamese breakfast my grandmother had sent me from new york. i watched as spencer poured almost an entire pound of sugar into his coffee.

"you alright, spence?" i asked, picking at my food with chopsticks.

he looked up at me, his lips pursed,"is that phở?"

i looked down at the bowl and nodded,"my grandmother, who i call bà ngoại, sent it to me from new york."

"so you're vietnamese?" he questioned, the pouring of his sugar still going strong.

i nodded slowly, watching as his hand shifted and he was now pouring sugar on the counter, "half. the 'tran' part. harris is all white. just like that sugar you're pouring all over the counter."

he looked with wide eyes, setting down the jar of sugar and swiping the counter-sugar into a nearby trash can.

"hey, easy there, tough guy," derek walked by as he saw reid pick up the sugar jar again,"have a little coffee with your sugar."

"i need something to wake me up." spencer muttered, annoyed at how tired he was.

i guess i had noticed the purple bags under his slightly bloodshot eyes. it just didn't register with me, because i was too concerned he was going to go into a diabetic episode at only twenty four.

derek smirked,"ooh, late night, huh?"

"very." spencer admitted, not realizing derek's insinuation.

"my man." he smirked and held his hand out for reid to high five.

i would be jealous if i hadn't know that reid was completely oblivious to undertones and most likely had no idea what derek had meant when he asked that question.

"not that kind of late night." spencer sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

"what's wrong then?" i asked, slurping down some noodles.

morgan looked at me with confusion and distaste,"i can smell that stuff from here, what is that?"

i scoffed, a little offended by how disgusted he looked,"it's phở, my bà ngoại made it for me."

"well, it smells weird, take it away." he frowned.

i shook my head facetiously,"xenophobia, we hate to see it."

derek chuckled, rolling his eyes,"lainey, i didn't mean it like-"

"you're creating a hostile work environment, i'm gonna have to report you to human resources." i shrugged, setting my bowl down and getting ready to walk.

but i stopped when spencer abruptly interrupted my joke, with a serious question, "do you guys ever have nightmares?"

i shrugged. of course i did, i have to identify the bodies of my dead younger siblings. i have a nightmare at least once a week, but this wasn't about me.

"is that what's been keeping you up?" i asked, abandoning my joke completely.

he looked at me with sunken eyes,"i used to get them occasionally. but lately it's like i have them every night."

"what are they about?" morgan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"this," spencer gestured to the bullpen,"what we do. do you have nightmares?" he looked straight at me.

i breathed in, not sure how to explain that i have them all the time. my siblings, lying in a pool of their own blood, holding hands, screaming, crying. a masked man taking them away from me, their dead bodies pulling towards me and there's nothing i can do to get away.