Shall We Dance?

Chapter 32 - Not Afraid

These past hours with Madison at the dance studio have been healing. We rehearsed until she couldn't keep her concentration anymore, the result of everything going on and the bad night of sleep at my house. The sweat marks on my t-shirt are proof of how hard I worked. At a certain moment, only dance passes and music filled my head and somehow it helped me to see my situation from a different perspective.

Ale didn't deserve what happened to him, but I know he has a big mouth and a short temper. Until we know what happened for sure, we can't rule out that maybe, just maybe, he had something to do with it. He will heal and I'll make sure that he gets help for his alcohol abuse and anger.

Then people like Kevin will always exist and will keep trying to put me down. It's on me the way I feel about it. No one handed my success to me and I've worked hard to earn the respect of my peers at the network. I have to stop this inadequate feeling because I've earned my place and his behavior shouldn't bother me.

"Are you okay?"

I reach out for Madison's hand as we rest on the floor of the studio. She watches me with curiosity and the tired look on her face melts my heart.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just having some thoughts about my life."

"That's quite deep after a tough dance session. Where do you get the energy?"

My hand reaches her face and caresses her soft skin. "I'm just tired of being afraid."

She stares at me momentarily, then sits and crosses her legs under her. "Afraid? To me you don't seem afraid of anything."

I follow her movements and end up mirroring her, then hold both hands this time.

"I'm glad you think that. The truth is that I've been afraid of many things throughout my whole life, mostly of losing people. As you know, I've been afraid of showing off my body because those scars come with memories that I don't feel comfortable sharing with most. I'm afraid of losing the love and respect of my son. I've been afraid of losing my job thanks to people like Kevin, but I won't let any of these things interfere with my life anymore."

Madison rubs her thumbs on my hands. I guess my life analysis is difficult to follow under the current energy level.

"I'm no expert at this," she begins. "But I believe that what you call being afraid it's only a natural way of protecting yourself from suffering and embarrassment. We have all been there to a certain degree. I wish I had your thick skin to decide to not let things bother me."

"Maybe we can grow the thick skin together," I scoot closer to her and place my arm around her. "I'm only stronger because I have you."

Madison kisses me on the lips and suddenly I remember what we mean to each other.

"I'm sorry about the start of our relationship. I don't have experience, but this isn't how I pictured things would go," I admit.

"Better days ahead. We are together and that's what matter."

This time I'm the one who initiates the kiss and I linger on her sweet lips as long as I can.

"I can do this forever," I say and Madison gives me a shy smile as she stands up.

"What will you do next? Go back to the hospital? I think I will lie down for an hour or so. Your bed was quite comfortable and under different circumstances I would have slept deeply."

"I will head home to take a shower first and then will go to check on Ale. I'm grateful that Cadence offered to keep an eye on him so my mom can take a break."

"Cadence is the sweetest. She cares about your brother more than she would admit, even to herself."

"I'm sure she does. I don't know if it will be with Ale, but I hope she ends up with a guy who really appreciates her. Change of topic, but another thing that I will do, even if it sounds irrational and rushed, is that when I get home I'll ring Liz. I want to offer her to present our show this Friday."