All You Want

13) I Don't Know What Its Like To Be You

Hermione bolted through the dungeon hallways and up the stairs and through several more hallways before she flung herself into an empty classroom and proceeded to collapse, like a starfish, onto the floor.

Oh god. Was it possible to die from sexual frustration? She rather suspected that it was.

If Malfoy refused to have sex with her she was probably going to cry.

But she'd done the right thing, hadn't she? It had been quite difficult to think straight in that classroom. She highly doubted that any consent given in such conditions would qualify as willing. It would have been like her heat all over again.

She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her body was throbbing. She felt as though there were an emptiness in her lower abdomen that was tearing at her. Just lying there, her clit hurt from arousal. Her glands on her neck and wrist were so over-sensitive they felt painful.

Hermione lifted her right arm and pressed her left palm lightly against her wrist. She hissed as she tried to ease the ache.

If Malfoy said no, she thought heavily, if he only agreed to scent mark but didn't want to have sex... she—she didn't know what she would do. She didn't think she could repeatedly snog him and then not get to—

She was half-afraid to even contemplate it. She pressed her wrists against her chest and felt her heart still racing.

She supposed she could try again to deal with it herself.  But so far, she hadn't been able to manage it. Even thinking about touching herself made her feel just profoundly self-conscious, as though she were being indecent. She'd obstinately tried anyway, over the weekend, and it hadn't worked. She'd tried and tried until she was sore and ready to scream with frustration. Apparently it was an additional aspect of being an Omega; orgasming was deeply dependant on a partner. Trying to masturbate was like hanging an enormous, flashing neon sign over over her head that said, "You Are All Alone!"

It just ruined it. She couldn't focus on the sensation.

It was so unfair.

Just enraging. An extra twist of the biological knife that had stolen her sexual autonomy away.

She lay quietly on the floor, seething, and waited for the edge she felt mindlessly close to to finally fade.

When it eased somewhat, she sat up and cast a freshening and a scourgifying charm on herself.

She had several essays she needed to work on in the library. She pulled the Marauder's map from her satchel and glanced over it, taking careful note of where all the Alphas were

Hopefully, if her theory was correct, her snog session with Malfoy would keep the Alphas at a distance. She certainly smelled quite heavily of Malfoy again.

She stopped by the girl's bathroom and checked her appearance over carefully, straightening her uniform and dabbing Murtlap essence on her neck and even on her lips in order to reduce the bee-stung look.

Once she looked decent she headed to the library, keeping her wand in hand the whole way just in case. She nearly went and sat alone, but then hesitated. Maybe she should sit with someone else.

Aside from Ron and Harry, she hadn't generally studied with others. She hadn't really studied with them either; studying together had primarily involved her berating and helping them with their homework. Her own studies had tended to be solitary, either alone in the library or when other people were socializing by talking about about quidditch or something equally inane. She hadn't ever really studied with other people.

But perhaps she should. Or at least pretend to. If she weren't alone, it might dissuade the Alphas from approaching. She walked along the aisles of bookshelves looking for a familiar face. She found Padma and Parvati Patil sitting in the Charms section and paused awkwardly.