The girl I fell in love with

The forgotten letter

Dear Lisa I want to start this letter off by saying I'm sorry for everything that's happened it's as if there is always something that gets in our way and doesn't allow us to be together.

I've thought about this a lot and I've come to a conclusion and that's that things will always be this way. We can't see each other, we can't talk or even be close to each other anymore there is really nothing more we can do but text each other.

I have to say that I don't think our relationship will last very long if that's all we ever do, we can't just say we're going out and not do anything but text and message each other. So I think that the best thing to do will be to end it here while we still have feelings for one another.

It's best if we just leave things how they are, it's not fair to either of us to be together and not do what two people should do in a normal relationship, I know that you'll understand I think that you may feel the same way and before one of us gets hurt let's just break up and remain friends until you turn 18.

It'll be better this way there'll be no more drama, crying, pain, tears, fighting, or stress. All of that will be gone I have to think about your feelings as well as mine I know how we both feel about each other and I want those feelings to remain.

I will make you a promise though and I don't want you to ever forget it, I promise that once you turn 18 on that very same day I'm going to look for you and ask you to be my girlfriend again once you're 18 we will be able to date and go anywhere without anyone telling us anything. I'll wait for you because you're the only girl I want to be with. No matter how long it takes I'll wait and you'll be my girl again.

Another thing is that I have to apologize for what I put you through from the beginning, you said that we shouldn't have told anyone about us and I didn't listen I just kept up the stupid thoughts in my head of you being ashamed of me cause I was older.

Soon everyone knew that we were dating and the problems started we should have kept it a secret you were right like always but I never listened I was to busy feeling insecure about myself I kept telling myself I didn't deserve you and that I was going to lose you one day all I wanted was for you to love me as much as I loved you and you do I can feel it but we can't express how we feel when we're outside and all we can do is look at each other from a distance.

Besides all of that we don't even talk to each other in person and that kind of communication is one of the vital things a relationship needs to survive. Bottom line is that right now with you being younger than me we can't have the relationship we both want. It's not only that I also have to say I'm sorry for how I've acted this whole time with me getting jealous and insecure about you talking to certain people.

There are no excuses for the way I acted there is no one to blame but me, a side of me was brought out that not even I knew existed. I thought I was doing things right I thought I could keep my cool in any given situation but I was mistaken. A feeling of anger and jealousy came over me whenever I saw you talking to another guy that was not me, I was a selfish idiot who wanted you all to myself and now that I think clearly I realize that's not how I should have acted I recognize all the mistakes I've made and I'm sorry for them.

I now know that you needed freedom that I needed to trust you like you trusted me but I showed you little of that. I let rumors and lies cloud my head I let the past get the better of me I simply ruined everything. It was all because of fear I let it control me and turn me into something I'm not, a jealous control freak who didn't want his girlfriend to focus on anyone else but him. In all honesty I plain and simply just wanted to see you, be with you, spend time with you and talk, and go out somewhere, just the two of us but we couldn't do that and I was scared that you would eventually fall in love with someone else because you could talk to them and see them but not me. I would then get mad and let anger cloud my judgment then I would accuse you of not loving me and wanting to be with someone else I was always like that and I never realized it to me it felt like the right thing but looking back at it I just notice how much of a stupid idiot I really was.

Now I'm just disappointed in myself for acting that way and for treating you like that. It's a miracle you're still with me a girl as pretty and smart as you could do so much better than an insecure over jealous guy like me. I can't say that I'm glad you put up with my bs, but I do thank you for doing it now that I've realized how I really was and I can apologize and make room for change. Our relationship for me is still a learning experience you are the first real girlfriend I've had, this is the first real relationship I've been in and you're the first girl I've really truly ever loved. The girl who I would do anything for, the girl I promised not to hurt no matter what, I promised to never leave you no matter how tough things got, I made you a promise that I would stay with you until the end and if something ever happened to change the way either of us felt we both promised to always fight for one another.

I apologize if this letter is to long and as much as I want to tell you all of this in person and say I'm sorry for all the mistakes I've done we both know that I can't, we can't be seen with each other. So my final words are I'll see you soon Lisa and don't think of this as a breakup think of it as a "I'll see you again someday" because you will and by then we'll be able to be together and do whatever we want without anyone there to judge us badly about it, by that time I'll know how to treat you better and be a better boyfriend I'm not doing this because my feelings have changed or because I'm giving up. I'm doing this for both of us and I know you'll understand perfectly, I don't want to see you get hurt anymore and there's no reason for you to feel pain or stress because of me any longer. If our feelings change during that time, I'm positive that they'll come back even if we're just friends, and one more thing remember that I'll always love you, you were my first true love and I'll never forget you and deep inside I know that I'll never stop loving you.

After reading the letter over and over again I gave into the fear of losing the girl I loved, so I never gave Lisa the letter...

A/N: I know it's been a long long time since I last updated this story but to those still reading this is the second to last chapter of this story.