Sincerely, Dr. Cruz

Twenty Four: Battle Scars

Chapter Twenty Four: Battle Scars
Reina's Apartment

It had been a few hours since I left the hospital. I had managed to get into comfortable clothing, but was still a wreck. Kat’s words filled my thoughts, and every so often I felt the tears stream down my face as Neal Patrick Harris failed to entertain me on the TV.

This is all your fault.

Reina, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

Todd left all because of you.

You always have to come in and ruin my life.

I wish I had never forgiven you the first time.

I wish I hadn’t forgiven myself the first time too Kat. If I hadn’t forgiven myself then, then I wouldn’t even be here right now.

I would be dead.

And you know what? It’s absolutely fucking amazing to know someone else feels the same way.

Three years ago, when I was on the verge of death, multiple people hated me. I had vowed to never speak them or be seen by them again. You can guess that Todd was one of those people. Initially, Kat had been one of those people, but she made the effort to be a part of my life again. Gradually, she was open to me, as if forgetting that I had supposedly ruined her life.

Only three people know what really happened though—Travis, Trisha and my mother.

Everyone else thinks I’m a self conceited bitch. In fact, I wouldn’t doubt it if Kat had been telling the entire hospital staff about what I had “done” three years ago. Everyone could judge me. It’s not like I cared anymore.

Okay, so maybe I did care. I care a whole lot. I couldn’t picture everyone thinking of me the same way Kat does now.

Especially Neal.

At the thought of that, my heart sank to my stomach, and I felt the need to cry harder at my life and how it was slowly spinning out of control. Hell—it was already out of control. I had no control over my emotions, my self-image, or what other people thought of me.

That sickened my beyond belief.

I stared at the clock and watched time go by. 6:00, 7:00, 8:00—pretty soon it was 11:00 at night. I had managed to get through two seasons of How I Met Your Mother, yet my mind was still stuck on 2:30 this afternoon. It seemed as though I had begin to hear things as well. I thought I heard someone knock on the door, but I knew all too well that no one cared enough to check on me. I had thrown my phone somewhere, and it was probably broken or on silent—not that anyone would call.

“Reina.”

Was I hearing people’s voices too now?

“Reina, look at me.”

Wow, first Neal now Jaya. I swear, if my thoughts don’t shut up—

 “Reina, goddammit!”

Trisha?

I seemed to snap back into reality to realize that Neal, Jaya and Trisha were all in my living room, looking at me with worried looks. I bit my lip and blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to hold in the tears that had yet to fall. It seemed as though only being able to stomach water had its downfalls.

Jaya’s expression dropped when she saw my face. I had no doubt that I looked like a French version of Rudolph—except I was human. She briefly closed her eyes and opened them again, as if debating whether or not it was safe to move. She sat down next to me on the couch and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her embrace. I grabbed the blanket that I had been crying into all day and pulled up to my chin, preparing myself to let out another river full of tears.