Shuffled: When the Cards Talk You Must Listen

Chapter 3 The Friends

Friendship: Support

The echoing thud of my book bag hitting the cold tile floor in the entryway of my new home told me all I needed to know.

Mom wasn't home. Even if she is physically home she is never actually home.

She has been growing more and more distant the more we've moved and the older I've gotten. I guess learning to be self sufficient wasn't a bad thing. What was bad, was feeling like your mom had just checked out on you. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

You know to be able to say "Hi Mom! How was your day?" "Oh great honey, was how's yours?" kind of thing ya know. I promise I'm not asking for the impossible, like milk and cookies when I get home. Just a "hey kid" every once and a while would be great.

Slowly I wandered around our new house; seeing but not really seeing, touching but not feeling. I did wonder where she kept going, and what was so important that she had to leave her daughter behind.

If she was on a secret mission I wish she would let me in on the secret. It would make my dull, transient life a bit more interesting. It was always so confusing. Sometimes we would get to this super cute town and my mom would be everywhere in my business. Wanting to spend every night together, make sure I'm safe everywhere I go.

Then we would move to these seedy, poor towns and cities and she would basically turn me loose on the world. I learned rather quickly that when it came to my mom, nothing made sense.

Imagine your 11 yrs old, your suddenly pulled from the only home you know and your mom has basically checked out on you. She went from cooking you dinner and making cookies on the weekends to:

"oh hey hon there is food in the oven for you."

Next you move to this pretty little town in California and now she wants to send you to a private school to 'keep you safe'. Two months later you're down-town Minneapolis MN. It's freezing outside and the little upper floor duplex apartment your living in is run down and you can hear gunshots out your bedroom window at night. Only now she is letting you walk to school, a regular public school.

UMMM YAAA does that make sense to you? Ya that's what I thought.

I just didn't understand. Heck I still don't. I would watch other parents from afar and wish I could have a mom like that again. What's worse is I felt like she was becoming less and less stable as the years went on.

We always had money for food and clothes and bills. After all she is supposed to be some great author remember? However, money isn't the only thing that gives safety and stability.

I plodded upstairs, my shoulders hunched low in exhaustion, to my bedroom. This was the biggest room I had ever had there was even an attached bathroom. I loved it! Before we moved in I had the room painted a misty silver/purple. It comforted my eyes and soothed my over wrought senses. My bedding was a mix of greys and dark purples. It made me feel cozy and relaxed. I crossed over to my big bay window and slid down onto the window seat. It wobbled just a bit. I just had to investigate. I pulled the cushy grey pillow off the seat and felt all around the wooden seat. Running g my fingers under the edge of the seat I felt a little oblong shape. I crained my neck to look under the edge. It looked like a button. So I ran my fingers under the edge again, upon finding that spot, I pushed up and I heard a click and I felt a latch release. When I lifted seat I found a secret compartment. Then again mayb maybe it's not so secrete.

Inside I found some preteen books, a cloth baby doll, a shell necklace and a few river rocks. A giggle escaped me as I thought of the girl who obviously lived here before me.