New Earth: Arrow

Chapter 20

Ever since she'd spoken to Oliver the previous night, Laurel couldn't stop thinking about whether or not she should put her mask back on. A part of her knew that being the Black Canary was what she'd been meant to do, but another part of her was scared, not of dying, since that was a risk she'd always known would be part of the job and accepted it, but of the effects her death would have on the people she loved. Oliver had told her how her teammates had reacted to her death. Her dad had relapsed hard and had actually had to go into rehab to get the help he needed because of her death, Thea had quit the team, John had shot his own brother and then had willingly gone to military prison for a crime he hadn't committed to atone for what he'd done, Sara had become driven on risking history itself to kill Damien Darhk before he could kill her. And Ollie, well, he did what he always did when he lost people he loved. He pushed those closest to him away, or rather he let them go, and tried to do things alone until he had his back pushed up against the wall.

Her death had basically caused the near destruction of Team Arrow and had deeply impacted everyone she held dear. And she didn't want to put them through the pain of losing her again.

On the other hand, another part of Laurel's mind countered, that same risk had never scared Sara. As soon as she came back to life and got her soul back, she immediately jumped back into the game as a hero. Plus, now Laurel had an actual canary cry instead of the artificial one Cisco had made her. Not to mention that now she had a real costume created by Cisco instead of the makeshift one she'd thrown together, since that one was not as protective as she'd hoped it would be.

But honestly, the thing that was holding her back the most was that the reason she'd become the Black Canary in the first place no longer existed. She'd originally become the Black Canary in order to make people think she was her sister, and then to honor Sara's memory, but before, after Sara had been brought back, the Black Canary had already existed, so she couldn't exactly quit then. But now she hadn't become the Black Canary yet and she wasn't sure if she ever should. This city had enough heroes now. It had Green Arrow, Spartan, Arsenal, Overwatch, Wild Dog, whatever new name Thea came up with, she wasn't sure it needed her. She wasn't sure the city or the world needed the Black Canary. She was currently sitting in the bunker at the conference table when she heard someone walk up to her.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" John asked her.

"My office closed an hour ago." Laurel said.

"You know that's not what I meant. Oliver is at Iron Heights right now, keeping tabs on Peter Declan, so why aren't you there to?" John asked, since while he and Rene were still working on Gaynor, Laurel was Oliver's partner on the Brodeur mission.

"I stayed behind. I needed some time to think." Laurel said.

"About?" John asked as Laurel gave him a look.

"Really John. Don't act like Oliver didn't tell you about our conversation last night." Laurel said, raising an eyebrow.

"Fair enough." John chuckled as he sat down next to her.

"So, where's the big speech?" Laurel asked and John chuckled.

"You really think I came here to give you one?" John asked.

"That's what you do isn't it? The whole reason Oliver kept you around to begin with." Laurel said with a smile as John chuckled again.

"Fair enough. Oliver did tell me that you were doubting whether or not you should be the Black Canary again." John said.

"Honestly John, the whole reason I became the Black Canary was to assimilate and then honor Sara. But now she's alive and the city doesn't need the Canary to put fear in them. I've lost the whole reason I became the Black Canary in the first place. Not to mention what it did to everyone else after I died." Laurel said.

"Okay first off, that is not on you. We're all responsible for how we chose to mourn, myself included. And let's face it, if any of us spent all our time worrying about that, we'd never suit up. We can't control what other people do Laurel, only what we can do." John said.

"I know you're right about that and honestly, I have come to terms with that. But honestly, I'm not sure why I should be the Black Canary when the whole reason I did in the first place no longer exists." Laurel said.

"Really, by that logic, you would've hung up your mask the moment after Sara got her soul back. Laurel, you didn't become the Black Canary when Sara died, she's always been a part of you. From what I heard, even as a kid, you were obsessed with getting justice for those who needed it, standing up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves. That's why you became a lawyer right?" John asked.

"Yeah of course. It's also why I chose to work for CNRI instead of taking a job with a big firm." Laurel said.

"Exactly. Laurel, the Black Canary is more than just a mantle or a mask. She's a part of who you are. Always has been and always will be. You can't walk away from that and we both know that you don't want to." John said and Laurel smiled.

"I always felt like I was my best self after I put on that mask." Laurel said as she looked over at her suit.

"Exactly. And that's because when you became the Black Canary, you were finally embracing all parts of yourself. You didn't become the Black Canary after Sara died. You've always been the Black Canary, that event is just what finally caused you to embrace her." John said and Laurel smiled at him before looking back at her suit, wondering if maybe it was time to put it back on.

"I need to go meet up with Gaynor, since Rene and I are working undercover for the moment, but think about what I said." John said as he got up and left as Laurel nodded at him and kept thinking as she continued looking at her suit.