Chris Evans One Shots and Imagines

Scars Left Behind - Part Three

Warning: Lots of medical talk, I talk about an NG Tube insertion as well so if that will trigger you then don't read.

You watched on as Chris slowly fell asleep with Liam in his arms. The sound of the machines around him singing him softly to sleep. You were too caught up in the view before you to notice your mum arrive. With tears in her eyes she spoke with Lisa and got the run down. The chair you sat on strained your back but you didn't care, all you could do was watch on as you counted Liam's breaths in fear that they would suddenly stop. Two hours had gone past since his blood was taken and as if on the dot his team arrived to give you the news.

"Hi, Y/N. We come bringing good news!" Dr Leah said joyfully. "His Creatinine is high at 120 but his Urea isn't too concerning yet. As of right now we do not need to start dialysis!" 

You felt your heart sing and turned to see and awake Chris pulling Liam tighter into his chest as a tear slid down his rosy cheeks. A brief moment of relief ran through your body as you absorbed the good news. 

"The only concerning thing is his blood is currently acidic which means that we have had to prescribe something called SodiBic. It's nothing crazy, it's sodium bicarbinate and it will help to settle his blood down. If his blood is acidic too long he will damage his kidneys more. The downside is it tastes very nasty and getting any medication into a toddler is difficult at the best of times so we are probably going to have to insert a feeding tube so that we can be sure it goes in. We will also prescribe an anti nausea to help him as the renal failure will start to make him nauseous as we progress. Has he had any wet nappies since you have arrived?" Adam piped up. The way he looked at you filled you with an odd sense of peace. Even though what he was saying wasn't the best news he gave you assurance in the way he spoke that he truly cared for Liam.

"Uhh, no. No he hasn't." You recalled.

"Okay, we may also prescribe a diaretic to see if we can get him to urinate." He gave a warm smile and as they filled the nurse in behind you you turned to Chris and had an unspoken conversation. 

It will be okay! He mouthed to you. You nodded and tried your best to still your rising heart rate. Your mum must have noticed your growing anxiety as she crossed the room and squished in behind you so she could pull you into her arms.

"It will be okay, Y/N. He is in the best place." She cooed as she stroked your arm. You could only nod along. The nurse cleared her throat at the door and offered a wide smile, she looked young. No older than 25 yet she carried a sense of authority around her.

"Hi everyone, I'm Lize and I'll be looking after Liam today. I just spoke with the doctors and they have decided it would be best to put the NG tube in now so that we can get it over and done with. I know he is asleep but we will probably have to wake him up. I am going to go grab another girl to help and we will be back shortly." She turned quickly and walked away, like a woman on a mission.

You turned to look at Chris and you could see the fear hidden in his eyes behind the strong persona he was pushing forward. You knew he knew that you could see it, you knew that Lisa and your mum could see it so it must have been for his own sanity, his way of managing his anxiety. 

"I can't watch them put in that tube." Lisa whispered with tears in her eyes. You all turned to look at her and you felt a sudden burst of strength from within you.

"That's okay!" You assured her.

"No. I know I want to be here for you both but I just can't watch that happen. I can't watch our little man go through that." She sniffed as she spoke and your mum left your side to take Lisa in her arms. In that moment you were thankful that your mum and mother in law were so close. They were no only there for you and Chris but also for each other. 

"That's okay, I can't watch either." Your mum added. "You know what we will do? We will go grab lunch and a coffee and bring it back to you guys, how does that sounds?" 

As if on cue your tummy rumbled loud enough for everyone to hear causing a soft laugh to leave Lisa's lips as she wiped away her tears.

"Perfect idea, Y/M/N." After they took your orders they said their goodbyes to you and Chris but took a moment to say a special goodbye to Liam. Pressing soft kisses to his head and squeezing his swollen hands you watched as their love radiated from them like heat from a furnace. As nurse Lize and her coworker walked in you both shuffled away from the sides of the bed and watched them measure out the tube while Liam was still in his deep slumber.

"Are you okay?" Chris whispered to you as he nudged your arm. At any other moment you would have felt your heart race just by being so close to him. After 7 years of being together that spark had never faded, you were still very much in the honeymoon period.

"I don't know." You said staring into his eyes that had always been your safe place. In this light his eyes looked almost grey and if you weren't about to witness something horrific you would admire them further while telling him how much you love him. 

"Are you both ready to start?" Lize asked.

Both you and Chris nodded, intertwining your fingers as you both dug deep for the strength you knew you had to find.

"Alright, Dad, we will need you to come up here and hold bubs head while Rachel and I insert the tube and Mum we will need you to stand at the end where he can see you and talk to him. It might be easier if we start while he is asleep so hopefully we can get the most of it done." She spoke as if this was nothing, just another routine she had to follow through with during her day and you supposed it was. But to you, you were about to watch your son have a tube forced down his nose and the idea of it made your spine tingle and your chest constrict. You nodded and Chris moved into position. You shared a look of confident uncertainty and watched as it all began. Lize lubed up the small tube in her hand and began to force it into his nose. She was met with resistance and had to pull it back out, waking Liam in the process. He began to struggle and scream at the top of his lungs as if he was being tortured and you felt the tears once again threaten to fall as you watched your baby endure something you couldn't begin to understand and you knew you couldn't stop.

"It's okay baby! Everything is okay!" You assured him although you didn't believe a word you were saying. There was a black hole opening up in your stomach. A hole full of doubt, dread and fear that you couldn't ignore any longer. You turned to your left and saw your mother and Lisa clutching each other as tears poured down their faces. They held coffee's and brown paper bags full of food as they cursed themselves for not taking longer. You felt a little surprised, how long had they been gone? Time was insignificant now. You didn't know where was up or down let alone what day it was. Had you been there only one night or had you been there a lifetime? Time was blurring into each other and the only thing you could focus on was the little boy before you being held down by his father and man handled by two nurses as they tried to fix the NG tube into place. 

By the time it was over you were shaking at the end of the bed. Your sons beautiful round eyes were boring into your soul and you were able to get to him he seemed like he was too tired to fight, cry or struggle. He was exhausted and it was a side of him you had never seen. He had given up. That was what broke your heart the most. Your little prince lay in the bed with the tube afixed to his face, obstructing only the tiniest view and yet you felt like you could barely see him. You didn't notice the nurse walk back into the room and administer his medication. Your ears piped up as you heard her mention something new.

"Dr Leah and Adam have decided that Liam will have to be on a fluid restriction so as not to overwork his kidneys. They have asked me to relay that he only have 9ml of fluid an hour. They will be doing another blood test this evening at 6pm and a dietician will be coming by to talk to you about what we can do. No food till then either I'm afraid."

You watched her walk out and absorbed what she had just told you. 9ml of fluid an hour, that was nothing. How were they meant to keep him to that?