Catching Fire (reimagined: 18+)

Chapter 3 - The confrontation

****THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER THEIR TOUR OF THE CAPITOL WHEN SNOW TELLS KATNISS THAT HES NOT CONVINCED OF THIER LOVE AND SHE MEETS PLUTARCH****

Back in District 12 the dynamics of my relationship with Peeta shift. He can't sleep in my bed with me anymore, he's not even allowed in my room. Well, my mother has never explicitly said this but its not worth asking as I know the answer would be no. I used to be able to consider justifying it, convince her that he helped with my nightmares and that was all. Of course, that was no longer the case. News of our intimate evening after the party in District 1 made its way through the train when a Capitol attendee found us in bed together the next morning. This should have been no different to every other morning they woke us up with hot tea, except this time last nights clothes were strewn across the floor and we were both naked curled up in each others arms. It was undeniable so we owned it, acting as if there was nothing new to confess to since the attendees had already created their own narrative after the first night Peeta spent in my room. 

It was when the news reached Effie, Haymitch and worst of all Cinna that things got really uncomfortable. Nobody said it directly but comments were made to both of us separately and we had to try our best to wave them off. I could tell they all felt a sort of parental responsibility for us and this particular development in our relationship had them concerned. It was as if everyone had always wondered how true our love really was and now it had been confirmed to them all. It wasn't just for the cameras and it wasn't just for the tour. 

Being back in 12 has come as a shock to the both of us. We spend most of our days together, Peeta always coming to our house as Prim and my mother love him almost as much as I do and chat away with him as if they're old friends. Peeta bakes almost daily and I watch him create warm loaves of bread and delicate little cakes as if by magic. Everything he does fascinates me. Sometimes he tries to teach me how to bake which I try my best to learn but, often I retreat back to my seat and watch him instead. I completely draw the line at learning how to ice the cakes, nothing I make would ever look half as good and I feel embarrassed to create something so ugly in front of Peeta. A few nights, when the nightmares are really bad and I give up trying to sleep, I make my way to the kitchen and find a cake thats been left bare. I'm convinced Peeta does this on purpose as if he knows my next move before I do. I use the spare icing that Peeta has left neatly packaged and try to create something half as beautiful as what Peeta has. Then when it inevitably goes wrong I eat the cake and when someone notices its disappearance in the morning I blame it on Buttercup. 

I still go hunting with Gale but with him working in the mines now we only really get Sundays. Peeta is always waiting for me on my doorstep before I leave with a bag of freshly baked bread rolls. I plants a kiss on my lips and tells me he can't wait to see me later and to have a good day. I wonder how I got so lucky to ever deserve his love. Gale doesn't mention Peeta, not even to pass on his thanks for the bread rolls and I secretly start to resent him for it. I'm not too sure what he expected of me after the Games, after the tour. I think maybe he's just too hurt that he didn't do something before I really met Peeta, so that he could claim me. I wonder what would've happened if I had been with Gale before the Games. Would Peeta still have declared his love for me during his interview? Or would I have been left to make the audience desire me alone? Would I even be alive? 

"Better head back, Catnip." Gale slings the turkey over his shoulder. I take this as my chance to finally confront him.

"Yeah, Peeta will be waiting for me." he turns and starts to walk, but not before I see him roll his eyes.

"Wouldn't want to leave lover boy waiting." hatred seeps into his tone which only fuels my anger.

"No, I wouldn't. Not since he's probably prepared a whole meal for me and my family back at the house." There, I hope that one hurt. He stops walking and I brace myself for his response. 

He slowly turns to face me and I see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, my anger immediately disappears and guilt surfaces in its place. "Don't do that, Katniss. Don't throw that in my face like I haven't been with you everyday helping put food on your table." He's right. It was a low blow. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just...I don't know why you can't just accept him. Accept me and him."

"You know why. Don't make me say it." A tear spills over and rolls down his cheek despite his attempts to keep them at bay. I don't know how to respond because, I don't know why. I know that he probably had some kind of feelings towards me before the Games. I know because I had them too. But that was almost a year ago, so much had happened. Had he really not moved on? "You told me you were never going to get married. Never having kids. You were going to just live your life. I could deal with that. I could deal with never being with you properly if it meant you were happy but now...now you're with him and-"

"Well I never PLANNED on being sent off to the Hunger Games either, Gale! Things change!" I was shouting, the birds around us took flight and the bushes ruffled as creatures scuttled away. I felt as disturbed as they did. How could he say that to me? Some form of regret registers on his face and he takes a step towards me reaching out his hand to my shoulder but drawing away at the last second thinking better of his poor attempt at an apology. I storm past him wanting to get back inside the fence as soon as possible. Wanting to get as far away from Gale and back into the arms of Peeta. I don't wait for him to catch up but I can hear thats he's following behind me. 

When we reach the fence he calls for me to stop but I ignore him and march on towards the Victors Village not even bothering to look back. 

I don't see Gale for a while after our fight. I even miss one of our Sundays in the woods. Peeta asks if I want to talk about it but I tell him I don't, it somehow feels like a betrayal to paint Gale in such a negative light to Peeta. Although Peeta would never see it this way, it would be like confirming to Peeta that he had won. As much as I love him, I don't want to give myself up to him completely. I don't want him to think he owns me. I feel guilty even considering that those thoughts would ever even cross Peeta's mind. But they cross mine, and thats enough for me to keep up at least one wall between us.