Catching Fire (reimagined: 18+)

Chapter 7 - The Goodbye

When we get back to the Training Centre Effie rushes over to me and places her hands on my stomach, she's clearly been crying along with the rest of the Capitol.

"Katniss, I am truly sorry." That's all she gets out before more silent tears start falling and she turns to Peeta to give his face a motherly caress with her delicate fingers. Peeta returns this with that sweet smile, although it looks much sadder than usual and I think I actually feel my heart break at witnessing his pain. Effie leaves and I realise that it's probably the last time I'll ever see her.

Haymitch stumbles out of the elevator and simply sighs and shakes his head in our general direction before collapsing on the sofa. He knows this will be the last time he can get this drunk for a while with us going into the arena tomorrow morning and he's clearly savouring the moment.

That leaves Peeta and I to go back to my room and hold each other in the darkness.

"I want you to tell her about me." He whispers. At first I don't know how to respond but then I fixate on the detail I initially overlooked about his request.

"Her? How do you know it's a girl?" I whisper back.

"Because she's brave enough to show up to help her mother survive the Hunger Games. She must be a carbon copy of you to have that kind of courage." I can't help but give a little laugh. Peeta always seems to know what to say to make me forget about all the awful things going on around me. I feel like somehow even when I'm dead, I'll still miss him.

"I don't think I can live without you." It comes out before I can stop it because I know it's not fair to put that on his shoulders.

"You won't be living without me" he finds my stomach under the sheets and places his hand there, "You'll have a piece of me with you. Always." There he goes again, plucking the right words out of the air like they come to him so easily. For the first time, I consider living. I think about my life with Peeta dead and his child growing inside of me.

Acknowledging the baby makes me finally see it as something true and real and I wonder if giving myself a death sentence is fair. I mull over it for a moment before I realise it would be more cruel to bring Peeta's baby into this world, the world of Panem, with a dead father, killed by the same state that left its mother stricken with grief and plagued by nightmares. And, the unbearable possibility of being Reaped itself. No, Peeta winning is the only solution to this. He will move on and marry another girl and they will have their own children. He will be happy. I'm determined. And it's the only real way to keep our baby out of the hands of the Capitol. Unfortunately, in this game of life, to truly win you must die.

I wake up in Peeta's arm and cherish the moment before reality sets in. Today, we're going into the arena. I wake him with a kiss which causes a smile to spread across his face. Neither of us had any nightmares last night. Unheard of. I'm glad we both got to rest, I'm sure we'll need it. Peeta pulls me in closer and tells me how much he loves me and because it might be my last chance, I say it back. The moment of bliss doesn't last long as the nausea forces me to the bathroom, I see Peeta sitting up in the bed in the bathroom mirrors reflection and I know he's thinking the same thing as me – How am I going to make it in the arena?

There's a gentle knock at the door, Peeta answers. Its Haymitch, he looks rough with the evidence of last nights drinking written in the grey colour of his face. "Time to go back to your own room lover boy." He drops his eyes to the ground as if to give us privacy.

I practically run into Peeta's arms and nuzzle my face into his neck. He presses his nose into the waves of my hair and we just hold each other. And while I'm standing there feeling the warmth of his skin and the steady beating of his heart, I don't know how I'm going to let go.

He pulls back his face so that he's looking into my eyes, "I'll see you in the arena", all I manage is to nod back at him as he pulls away and leaves the room.