Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

Knock You Sideways-New Years Eve, 1920

Author's Note: There was no way Jimmy and Angela go to New York to get married and the New York Baby Gangsters weren't going to make an appearance. In the show, Jimmy makes a deal with Luciano and Meyer in February of 1921; I've knocked that back to Jimmy making the deal in December. 

Friday, December 31st, 1920-New York City

As consciousness slowly returned, the first sensation Clara was aware of was being completely warm all over, but especially her back. Slowly she realized her back was warm because Richard's hand was pressed against it under her pajama top, and the rest of her was pressed pretty firmly against him. Her arm was damp from where the injured side of Richard's face rested on it. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize the moment. Since the morning in Margaret's living room, she knew she was, on some level, attracted to Richard. She had long known his friendship was essential to her. Since the day he saved her on the street, she knew their connection went deep. The day she kissed his cheek the day he went on the job in Philadelphia, she knew she cared about him. It wasn't until yesterday, though, when she saw him teaching Tommy to ice skate that she had any clue how deep her feelings went.

Loving people was dangerous. Everyone you loved left you vulnerable. They were all hostages to a fortune out of your control. Clara knew that loving people didn't ensure that they loved you back, or that they thought you were reason enough to stay.

The sound of an obviously fake cough made her turn her head. Jimmy stared straight at her with his mouth twitching. Damn Jimmy. Why wasn't he happily entwined with Angela and letting her enjoy a few minutes of pretending to still be asleep? She carefully slipped from the sofa and motioned for Jimmy to follow her out to the balcony, stopping only to retrieve her coat from the chair.

"Uh, what the hell, Clara?"

"Uh, none of your business, Jimmy!" Clara responded.

Jimmy lit a cigarette, took a drag, and tried to hand it off to Clara, but she shook her head.

"It's not fair to toy with him."

Clara's eyes narrowed. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

Jimmy rolled his tongue along his bottom teeth while he thought about his answer. "I don't have any fucking clue what you're doing. To be fair, I don't think you do, either."

Clara bit her lip and looked away. Jimmy laughed. "Oh hell, I always thought your biggest fear was being actually human. That's what is going on here-Richard makes you feel human, and it terrifies you."

"I'm so glad your semester at Princeton included studying Freud," Clara snapped.

Jimmy smirked at her again, and she was suddenly very sorry she was too old to pinch him. "It's not a semester of studying Freud. It's a lifetime of knowing you. I've never seen someone knock you sideways like this."

Clara gestures for the cigarette and takes a long, long drag. "It's your wedding day. Shouldn't we be talking about your romantic life?"

Jimmy takes back the cigarette and stares out into the skyline. "I'm marrying the mother of my child. What is else is there to say?"

"Maybe you could say you can't live another day without her? That you realized you need her in your life?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Jesus, discovering you have feelings is going to turn you into a romantic. Where's cynical Clara?"

"It's not funny, Jimmy. This your life. It's Angela's life. Don't you love her?"

Jimmy laughs, but it's a cold, bitter laugh that makes Clara flinch. "Did you know she was bedding a woman and tried to run away to Paris with her?"