Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

Ambitious Girls Part Two-April 1921

"I can't believe your first book comes out tomorrow," Angela said as Clara folded herself into one of the large club chairs in the living room after giving Angela her present.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm not incredibly excited, even if it won't have my name on it. Cashing that check was one of the greatest thrills of my life."

Angela smiled down at her with a hint of sadness in her eyes. "I'm a little jealous. I'd love to say my art brought in money. I am almost finished with a new piece, but I suppose it will only get added to the pile."

"Well, you know I want to see it."

Angela walked over to her easel and removed the draping covering her newest work.

"It's beautiful, Angela," Clara said as she examined it. "I mean, just her back displays so much...longing. And her hands are lovely."

Angela looked over at her friend. "Everyone wants to choose the right door to make a real connection. And thank you, I'm very proud of the hands. Also, thank you for the charcoal pencils. Why were you in New York?"

"Margaret made an appointment at one of Mrs. Sanger's clinics and took me to get a dutch cap." Clara looked straight ahead at the painting as she talked.

Angela looked into the sunroom, where Tommy was occupied with blocks, and then walked into the kitchen and came back with a pitcher of lemonade, two glasses, and a bottle of whiskey Jimmy hid behind the flour bags.

"I feel like this conversation might go best with a drink?" Angela said lightly.

Clara laughed. They pushed the cocktail table away from the chairs and sat on the floor. Clara thought it was like they were back in the little Upper East Side apartment her father rented for them when Clara was working in New York, eating on the floor while baby Tommy slept in the bedroom.

"I have the information if you need..." Clara began.

Angela shook her head. "That won't be necessary."

Clara wanted to ask her if it was because she and Jimmy were trying for another, or because things were going badly between them. She hoped it was the former, but felt it was probably the latter.

"To be honest, I'm more interested in the fact you feel you need one. Things must be...progressing?" Angela asked.

Mixing the exact right ratio of lemonade to whiskey seemed to take Clara's full attention.

"I think you are smart if they are," Angela continued and lowered her voice even more. "I love Tommy and wouldn't trade him for anything, but I wish..." she let her voice trail off because she wasn't sure what she wished. Angela couldn't wish the child she loved didn't exist, but she wouldn't wish her life on anyone. "Although the war is over and Richard is so honorable that your situation would be very different."

"I don't want him to marry me because he's honorable," Clara said before downing half her drink. "Jimmy, I think, told him I'm afraid of sex. I'm not. I'm terribly afraid of pregnancy because how can I be sure I won't turn into my mother? But more than that, I'm not ready to be a mother. I want to have adventures. I want us to have adventures together. I want to work on my career and figure out who I am beyond being Nucky Thompson's daughter. And if- when- I have children, I want them to have a very different childhood from mine."

Angela knocked back her drink. "I wish I'd known who I was before I had Tommy. Hell, I wish I knew who I am now."

"You are a really talented artist, an amazing mother, and a truly good friend." Both women are quiet. "Will you send Tommy to kindergarten when he turns five?"