Being Nyla

𝗧𝘄𝗼

𝖭𝗒𝗅𝖺 𝖤𝖽𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽𝗌
𝖫𝗈𝗇𝖽𝗈𝗇, 𝖤𝗇𝗀𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽

I was in Westfield shopping centre with Rhea and Farida. We were talking about what happened the other day at the clinic and everything that took place at the bus stop. I was still feeling under the weather and Rhea and Farida decided that we should all go out and chill for the day. I couldn't keep myself locked up in my room all day so I didn't see why not. After throwing away our rubbish from McDonald's, we got up and looked in some more shops.

We passed mother care and I stopped to look at the baby clothes that were on display. I stared at the adorable baby outfits and tutted, rubbing my hand over my stomach at the same time. I called Farida and Rhea and told them that I was going to take a look around. As I got further down into the shop my throat started to get dry and I could feel the bile filling in my mouth. I hurriedly left mother care and rushed to the toilets, where I bent over and let out all of the contents that filled up my mouth. I reeled off some tissue and used it to wipe my mouth.

I should probably get an abortion, i thought, as I stayed bent over, hands bracing the wall and my eyes watering. I frantically searched my bag for a piece of minty chewing gum and popped it into my mouth once I had found it. I flushed the toilet and unlocked the cubicle door, walking over to the sink where I washed my hands with soap and flung them under the dryer. I saw Rhea and Farida waiting for me outside the toilets on their phones. Faridas eyes met with mines and she walked over to me and engulfed me into a hug.

"Are you ok?" She hugged me tighter

"Yeah I'm fine but I'm gonna go home now." I simply nodded

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𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲

I was lying on my bed with my hands on my stomach, and I was staring at the ceiling. My mind was all over the place and I hated it. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do. I wasn't ready for a baby nor was i financially stable enough to provide for both me and a baby. I still worked at Sainsbury's and the pay was ok but babies are very expensive and I don't think that I'd be able to handle all of that stress.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and decided to occupy myself. I turned on the Bluetooth speaker and connected my phone, letting F U by Tion Wayne blast throughout my room. I opened the windows and let in some air and started cleaning up my room.

"If you don't like me, I don't like you. If you don't like me, nigga fuck you!" I screamed whilst throwing up the middle finger

I'm sure that the neighbours could hear and were soon going to get annoyed of the noise that i was making. After like 25 songs, my room was back to its original, tidy and clean state, I jumped on my bed and sighed because I was now bored with absolutely nothing to do. I was still in the clothes I had on from earlier, a white tee and my fitted black joggers, so I slipped on my Adidas slippers and a black leather jacket. I shoved my keys and phone in my pocket and left the house, making my way to the local park.

I sat down on a wooden bench but instantly got up when I felt the familiar feeling of bile rising up in my throat again. I clasped my hand over my mouth and forced myself to not let it all out in the middle of the park. I walked away from where I was and speed walked to the corner shop whilst gagging with nearly every step I took. I flung the bottle of water on the counter along with my pound coins and quickly took bottle once the man behind the counter was done counting my money. After I had left the shop I unscrewed the lid and drank it like there was no tomorrow and within a couple of seconds it was done.