𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐒 ~ 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

~5~

Anna slid down the closed door and sat down, her head in her hands. Kitty stood awkwardly next to her.

"Are... are you ok?" she stammered, looking at Anna with visible concern. Anna nodded as a lonely tear crept down her face. She wiped it away roughly with her sleeve as Kitty sat down, draping an arm around her shoulders. She didn't know what to say, just held Anna close as her body wracked with tears. Kitty wanted to say something, to tell Anna that she was not alone but she couldn't. What was she meant to say? She had never date anyone or had any romantic feelings for - well. That wasn't quite true. Because you don't need to be an expert in love to know that you clearly have some sort of feelings for someone when your heart soars whenever you see them and your cheeks are permanently some sort of fuchsia colour when with them. 

"I'm so sorry," Anna sniffed. Kitty squeezed her .

"Don't be. You have no reason to be." Kitty looked at her anxiously. Anna sat up and squared her shoulders, drying her eyes and putting on a brave smile.

"You're right. Thanks Kit," she smiled. Anna hugged her and was dragged to her feet by Kitty, who passed her a coat and her shoes. "Where are we going?" she asked, puzzled. Kitty smiled cheekily.

"Have you not ever been on a late night walk around London?"

They were walking side by side along the Thames, the stars twinkling above their head. Anna took a deep breath.

"Thank you Kit." she whispered. Kitty looked surprised and fidgeted with her zip. She was glad that it was dark. Darkness made conversations less awkward.

"Why?"

"You're just... You're just amazing. Honestly. I've known you for about a week, and here you are. Here we are. I've just broken up with my girlfriend of two years and met a new best friend." Kitty blushed.

"What... How... what was your relationship with Clarissa like?" she asked tentatively. Anna frowned.

"Well... we met at a pride parade 2 years ago and I think she'd just broken up with her girlfriend. I was there because pride you know and we happened to bump into each other. She was a bit different from everyone else. She had no glitter, no flags, no nothing and it was a bit odd but I noticed her and you know, it went from there. We had four dates and although they felt a bit forced at times she was really trying. I asked her out and she went along with it and we were happy for the first year and a bit. Well, I thought we were. 8 months ago it started to go a bit sour. It was just silly little things, like not cooking something she liked or wearing something she thought was too revealing or talking to other girls - that one you know. 3 months ago it started to get more physical and that leads us up to now I guess..." Kitty didn't know what to think. She felt awful for Anna and squeezed her hand supportively. She shivered in the cold night air and pulled her coat around herself as they sat on a bench.

"That sounds rough." Kitty spoke quietly. She couldn't imagine how much Anna must be hurting. Never being in a relationship was hard. Being in an abusive relationship would be ten times worse. One thousand times worse. More. She gently rested her head on Anna's shoulder and smiled as her brown and pink hair cascaded over Anna.

"It was fine." Anna lied. It wasn't fine. But she wasn't exactly about to tell Kitty that, they weren't that close. Kitty sensed the discomfort in Anna's tone and stood up abruptly.

"We should head back."

"Yeah..." Anna stood up and followed Kitty back to her flat. They were both silent as Kitty jiggled the key in the lock and pushed the door open. 

"I'm going to bed if that's alright?" Kitty said, heading to her room as Anna settled on the sofa. Kitty pulled open her laptop and began to write.

"It's not about simply forgetting and moving on; that's never how it works. That's not how grief works. That's not how sadness works. That's not how disappointment works... You've got to make a little home inside of you for those memories and feelings. Whether you want them or not, those memories are a part of you now. Those happy memories will stay with you - but so will the sad ones. So you have to make room. You have to allow yourself to feel them all deeply and accept that they are a piece of you. You will never be able to force out their intensity, their depth, their persistence. So let them in instead. Be vulnerable with yourself and allow yourself to feel every raw emotion entirely. Feel them and accept them, and know that even though they are a part of your yesterday, they do not get to define your tomorrow."

Kitty fell asleep hunched over her laptop and awoke to the sound of rain pouring from the sky. The sky outside was a shade of charcoal grey and there were  raindrops trickling down the window. She walked into the kitchen to see Anna on the sofa scrolling through her phone.

"Morning, you" Anna smiled from her position on the sofa as Kitty began to make coffee and breakfast. Kitty smiled and passed Anna a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal as Anna's phone let out a burst of song. Someone was calling her. She looked at Anna, puzzled as she picked up.

"Yes this is Anna... Excuse me why are you calling me, I don't know anyone in hospital.... What do you mean there's been an accident that a loved one is involved in? .... My girlfriend? Clarissa Kirk......" Anna's face paled. "What do you mean? Clarissa is in hospital? After what?" There were a few moments of silence and Kitty held her cup of coffee nervously. "Ok, thank you. Goodbye." Anna hung up and sat quietly for 10 seconds before looking at Kitty.

"Clarissa was hit by a bus."