hollywood dreaming

thirty-two

i missed seeing gus on stage. his happy place was up on stage in front of hundreds, even thousands of people who love him. thousands of people who have been where he had been. thousands of people who genuinely have felt the same pain as him. that why he loved preforming so much. he knew none of those people would judge him for anything he did. his fanbase was his family.

i sat front row, even though he wanted me on stage with him. i enjoyed watching him from this perspective. he would occasionally make eye contact with me and blow me a kiss or smile my way. i could feel the change in his heart. no matter what my anxiety tells me i'm never letting this man go again.

"alright everyone, i would like to say a few words to a special person tonight." gus spoke, while looking at me.

"maeve." gus breathed, "i am in love with you. i know our past is rocky and i know i haven't treated you as well as i should've but, i hope you see and feel the change happening within me. i do not want to see you hurt anymore. i don't want to be the cause of any type of pain you have. that boy i was before was broken but i'm whole again."

"come up here." gus said looking at me. i climbed up on stage and the crowd started screaming.

"maeve i won't rush a relationship but i do want to make you a promise." gus said and i swear the crowd got louder.

"everyone please." gus said trying to get them to settle down.

"maeve i want to make you a promise for a better me. i want to make you a promise that i will be here forever even if things get rough. i realized that when you weren't in my life i needed you to be. you're making me become a better me and i couldn't ask for anything better from anyone. so, although we aren't in a relationship, i would like to give you this promise ring. i'm promising you a better me and a better us." he said pulling a ring box out of his pocket and opening it.

warm tears slid down my face as he grabbed my hand gently and slipped the ring on my middle finger. i grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips. i was so happy. this is all i wanted. change. i'm not saying i don't like the old him but i do like the maturity change. the growing up that was long over due, for both of us.

"i love you." he whispered in my ear.

"i love you gus." i said back.

i spend the rest of the show on stage with him. devin and tracy even came on stage and jumped around with me. the whole family was on stage. after the show was over we went back to the bus. tracy offered gus what i was assuming was a xanax but he refused it.

"i'm done with pills bro." gus said.

"promise." i said to him.

"i promise mae." he said looking me in my eyes.

"i will take a blunt though." gus said grabbing a pre-rolled blunt from the coffee table.

he smoked and i sketched out art ideas in my sketchbook. for some reason i was on some kind of art block. i had ideas i just couldn't put them down on paper. gus's fingers drew circles on my thighs and then i couldn't focus anymore. i looked up at him and he smirked then took a hit of his blunt.

"im tired." i said closing my sketchbook and setting it on the coffee table.

i walked to the back room on the bus and lied on the bed. gus came back only minutes later and lied next to me. he smelled like weed, but so did the entire bus. we lied there in silence for a while but then his hand made its way to my stomach.

"mae." he almost whispered.

"gus." i said back, now looking at him.

"i need you back." he said.

"i'm scared." i whispered.

"i know." he said.

"i'm different." he whispered

"i just don't think i can do this again right now." i said.

"i'm sorry for asking mae." he sighed.

i didn't say anything but a text came through on my phone. it was from an unknown number and i had no clue who it was. all it said was "hi maeve :)". i didn't respond, i just lied on gus's chest and fell asleep.

i woke up from a call coming through on my phone.

"hello?" i said groggily. all i heard was heavy breathing and then they hung up.

i blocked the number and fell back asleep. i woke up about an hour later from another phone call. a different number but still an unknown number. i declined the call and turned my phone off. gus started shifting around and then he sat up.

"why are you awake?" he asked.

"someone keeps calling me." i answered.

"who is it?" he asked.

"i have no clue. i blocked one number and now another is calling me. i'm not worried about it though. i'm going back to sleep." i said closing my eyes.

when i woke up my phone was blown up with messages from the number that called me.

unknown
maeve answer the phone.

unknown
maeve honey

unknown
answer your fucking phone damnit.

there were about 20 more messages just like that. i shrugged it off and blocked the number again. i figured it was best not to tell gus about it because he would probably just overreact about it. it probably was one of gus's fans that got my number somehow. i wasn't worried but maybe i should've been.