Fool's Paradise

Chapter 5

What?

I'm looking around and turn to see Dr. Conam, looking like he's just about had it with my shit. I sheepishly trot up to him and we continue walking together down the hall and past one of the many receptionist desks, until we finally reach Theo's room. I watch as Dr. Conam turn the doorknob.

"MORIN STOP!" I jolt violently at Martin's screech, leaning on the wall behind me for support. Dr. Conam was shocked at my sudden movement.

What the heck? That hurt so bad. My head is throbbing. Why didn't Martin want me to see Theo?

"Ms. Thatcher? Are you sure you are all right? Do you need to sit do-"

"Ye- I mean no. " I say almost immediately, my right hand clutching onto the patch on hair against my temple. "I'm fine, just give me a minute."

He does not look convinced.

I straighten myself up and close my eyes.

Dammit Martin. I know you're just a ghost but come on... I need more than just 'Morin this, Morin that' from you. Give me sentences. Why can't I see Theo?

No answer.

Why did I even bother? If you aren't going to tell me, then I'm going to go in. That's fair, isn't it?

After taking a deep breath, I open my eyes again. "I'm really sorry."

"Oh no, it's fine. I assumed it was the side affects from the sedatives. I'll make sure to let the nurses know to assign smaller doses."

"Y-yeah." I say weakly. Am I really going insane? I feel like I've asked myself a million times and each time the same answer flows into my head. Fuck yea.

He smiles; I think he was trying to hide the fact that it was forced. He turns the doorknob handle to Theo's room.

"MORIN!"

That's it.

"Wait. I'm sorry, I need the washroom. Could you please tell me the nearest one? I'll be right back." I forge a nauseous act and he points to the direction of the bathroom.

I wave at him while I walked away and immediately mentally smack my face after. Why the hell did I wave? I quickened my walking pace, feeling a bit anxious. I try to run but I can't, my stupid leg won't let me.

I look around, my heart beating out of my chest. Now I really feel nauseous. Everything is such an effort to do. My eyes hurt just from looking around, my head throbbing at every thought.

Childbirth was a bitch, but this experience might be even worse.

I didn't even realize the amount of nurses and people walking around me in the halls. Nobody seemed to be paying much attention to me, thank god. However, I still don't feel much at ease.

As soon as I started feeling suspicious eyes of the people around me, I spotted a green bathroom sign. At last... Exhausted, I walk in.

The bathroom was empty and eerily silent. The windows were clouded and covered in thick dust, and one of the stalls didn't have a door. Unusual for a hospital, considering that they're supposed to be clean. I continue further and gaze at myself in the mirror.

I am still alive. I look disgusting, but I'm still alive. I turn on the faucet and cold water starts to run. I cup a handful and splash the icy liquids on my face. I hang my head low, grasping the rim of the sink and staring into the drain.

Get it together. Get it together. Get it together...

This was like one of those scenes from horror movies. I'm scared to lift my head up at the mirror. Honestly, what's the difference? My life is already a horror movie.

Soon, I was crying. Loud, heavy sobs. Everyone can probably hear me outside but I kept on crying. Why am I crying now? I feel like a failure. I sink to floor and my sobs develop into short howls. I should be more mature. I'm such a mess; I'm not in control of myself at all. My eyes are burning. My tears are hot in comparison to the water I splashed on earlier. I want to see Theo. Why am I actually listening to Martin?

A light bulb pops in my head. I stand on my knees and eventually to my feet. It just hit me. I look at myself in the mirror and I repeat my thought aloud. "I'm actually listening to him." Martin is dead. Why the hell am I letting this voice boss me around? I smile at myself and look down at the sink, chuckling.

"Because I'm right."

My eyes dart up to the mirror. There he was.