UnEvLo (Unconditional Everlasting Love)

Chapter 39

Opening the closet, I placed the star near the one which Zayn gave to me.

Why are you keeping these stars like this? They mean nothing now. My thinking self shrugs as her face was showing no emotions.

I flicked my gaze back to the stars. A whirl of emotions blocked my wind pipe as I looked at the one having 'I'm sorry partner' engravings.

He was sorry for that little thing and now...

I quickly shut the closet not wanting to over think things as I let my head fall back softly onto the closet. My eyes fall on the open window of my room which makes me desire and wish the impossible.

He is not going to come, Alicia. My thinking self said as I kept looking at the window.

I miss Zayn. So much.

The way he always jumped inside my room to meet me, how he came here to give me that hanging, how he asked me to join him for ice-cream, his smile, his flirtatiousness, his soft touch, his soft.....kisses, the way he had always made the butterflies to run wild in my stomach, his heart soothing talks, his care, his intense gaze which had always burnt my skin, his slow nose-nuzzling on my cheek, his soothing whispers in my ear, his hot breath on my neck, his oh-so-soft-and-big hands holding me....His chocolaty caramel eyes which had always been my fairy world, his stubbly cheeks which had always felt like a butter to my own cheeks.....His.....everything.

I had never felt as much need of something as I am feeling for his simple touch, his presence and his spellbinding smell. I just can't describe the cravings my heart is feeling right now. The hollowness beneath my chest, just above my stomach...I can't just explicate it.

Now I wish I had never met him if this is what was going to happen.

I buried myself more into the closet as I closed my eyes in the pain of separation.

With half a heart I dragged my feet to the bed and slipped under the covers. I stared at the wall in front of me blankly.

Forget him Alicia. He was never yours. My thinking self shakes her head in disappointment.

The tears were on the way before the words reverberated in my mind.

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"You should stand for yourself rather than crying and falling out like this."

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John is right!

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Alicia, you should be angry on him rather than missing him.

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Actually he is half right!

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"You shouldn't show him that you are hurt and lonely without him because it will only encourage him to hurt you more. Stay strong and show as if you don't care, ignore him. Then maybe he will come back to you on his own?"

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Yes.

I nodded to myself as I get together my s-hit sighing deeply.

Rather grimacing or missing him, I should try to make him believe that I'm not a hypocrite. Being a cry baby will give me nothing. I need to stay strong. I need to tell him that I'm innocent. He needs to know that it's not me who did that poster-show.

Crying and begging in front of him is just a vain attempt. I need to try something else. I momentarily closed my eyes as I tried to sort out the growing mess of thoughts inside me.