What Friends Are For

Chapter Five

CHAPTER 5

"The most memorable people in life will be the friends that loved you when you weren't very lovable." -Unknown

That night I tossed and turned. I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was Alexis.

I thought about Alexis' mom.

And how much I hated her.

I thought about those two girls, Alia and Michelle, who started rumours about Alexis.

And how much I hated them.

I thought about the girls who punched Alexis because of the rumours.

The untrue rumours.

And how much I hated them.

Mostly, I thought about myself.

And how much I hated myself for being so blind that I didn't see Alexis' depression.

For not standing up to the people who bullied her.

In fourth grade I remember thinking that Alexis needed to chill out about her grades.

If she got lower than 100 percent, she'd cry. If anyone got a better grade than her, she'd get mad.

"She got a 99.5 on that math test," I said to Bella. "She just misspelled one word. Why is she standing in that corner crying? She got an A+."

I never understood why.

Until now.

I realized why.

Her mom.

She knew if her mom saw one of those grades less than 100 percent, she'd beat her.

She was just scared of her mom.

I remembered thinking the fights with my friends were the biggest problem that would happen to me in my childhood. Now I think back to what I thought was a big deal, and I realize they weren't a big deal.

We were just making a big deal out of something small.

Something that didn't even matter.

And I feel stupid, now. Very, very, very stupid. The recess experience opened my eyes to my stupidity, I guess. Why did I think that all those fights were a big deal? Why didn't I stand up for Alexis? Why didn't I do anything? And most importantly, how did I not see how sad she even was?

Sometimes in elementary school I'd hang out with Alexis at recess.

At that time I didn't know her very well.

And sometimes I wanted to go hang out with my other friends instead.

Because I didn't realize what an amazing fun person she was to hang out with.

And I regret that.

I thought back to kindergarten. I remember Alexis telling me every day that I was her best friend.

Her first friend.

Her only friend.

But I didn't care.

To me, she was just another kid.

It's different now. Alexis is one of my best friends.

Alexis was the girl who I would see other kids at school point to and whisper about to one another.

"She's a nerd."

"She's a loser."

"She's so unpopular."

"She has no friends."

I heard them all.

And I disagreed with everything they said.

Yet I didn't say anything.

I didn't try to stop them.

To this day I wonder why I didn't do anything to help.

To help Alexis.

I wish that everything I remember of me and Alexis I could go back and change.

Help her the times I didn't.

Listen the times I didn't.

Stand up for her the times I didn't.

Alexis was the girl that I would overhear other kids talk bad about behind her back.

I remember seeing kids nudge each other when they saw Alexis at school.

I remember kids making faces at their friends when they got paired up with her for a project.

I remember hearing kids call her "weird" and other horrible names behind her back.

I remember kids running away from her at recess, and kids laughing at her.

I remember kids making fun of her for not being like them. For being different.

But I also remember not having the courage to stand up for Alexis.

For my friend.