Damaged - N.H.

12

Julie's P.O.V.

My head hurt. And my heart. I wasn't sure which one was worse. I definitely took too many sleeping pills last night, but I was finally getting some much needed rest. It was already mid afternoon and I had been in and out of sleep all day. I dragged myself out of bed, stumbling to the kitchen. I really needed to pull myself together. I was an absolute disaster at this point.

While I waited on the coffee maker to finish making the caffeine boost that I so desperately needed, I stumbled through the condo I had rented, searching for my phone. I started in the kitchen, pushing around multiple empty beer and liquor bottles as I searched the counter top. I shifted things around the area in the living room before dragging my feet back to the bedroom. I finally found it under the bed, probably dropped there by accident in the middle of the night.

It didn't matter much to me anyway. I haven't bothered to check it the last couple of days. I've pretty much either been knocked out on sleeping pills or too drunk to care. I needed an escape. At least for a little while. And I knew when I finally did check my phone, that I would be forced to have that inevitable conversation with Niall.

Niall. As much as our last conversation pained me, I missed him so much. I wanted to talk to him, I really did, but I didn't think I could handle another fight right now. I needed this seclusion. He would be angry, but at this point, I didn't have much to lose. We were already on thin ice. I knew what was bound to happen. I was just prolonging it.

I picked up my phone and a mug full of coffee to sober me up a little before heading onto the back patio. The sea breeze lightly blew my hair around as I stepped outside and sat down on one of the chairs, placing my things on the table. I stared out at the ocean view. It was quiet out here. There were only a handful of condos attached to the one I was currently in so you rarely came across anyone else out here. I've always loved the ocean. It brought me peace and comfort. Serenity.

Reluctantly, I picked up my phone and that feeling of serenity was instantly gone. The screen lit up with multiple notifications. Tons of phone calls and text messages from Niall, Liz, Stacy, Liam, and even Dan, Harry and Louis. Guilt crushed me like a heavy weight as I realized that Niall must've panicked when he didn't hear from me after so long and started reaching out to all of our friends. I was so stupid. I should've let him know I was okay.

Tears formed in my eyes as I scrolled through all the messages sent to me. Everyone was worried. A wave of anxiety hit me as I realized the mess I had caused. I was terrified to talk to anyone now, especially Niall. I knew everyone would be so angry at me for worrying them and disrupting their lives like this. I didn't know what to say to anyone, but I couldn't let them continue on like this, so I texted Niall.

I'm safe. Please don't worry about me. I'm sorry.

He called me almost immediately. I dropped my phone on the table, startled at how quickly he responded. I was too scared to answer, too drained to fight or listen to how angry he was. Too afraid this would be the last straw for him. I watched as the call ended, and a voicemail message popped up a few moments later. I held my phone up to my ear, my hands shaking and heart pounding.

"Julie, please. Answer me. I need to talk to you. I've been so fucking worried. I need to know that you're okay. Just please, talk to me. I love you."

Tears streamed down my face as I listened to his message. He didn't sound angry, just worried. I placed my phone on the table and stared at it for a solid five minutes, debating in my head on whether or not to call him. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I listened to the waves crashing and the sounds of seagulls around me.

Niall must have filled everyone in on my response to him because my phone was blowing up again a few minutes later. Everyone was asking where I was.All the messages overwhelmed me. My brain was still fuzzy and I couldn't think straight. When I finally felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack, I slid open the patio door, threw my phone inside, and slammed it shut behind me. I sat back down at the table and sipped on my coffee until it was gone.