Damaged - N.H.

7

Niall's P.O.V.

I just finished the second concert of the first half of my world tour. I was pumped and exhausted at the same time. It was late at night and I was currently on my way back to the hotel with my band mates, so I was tired, but the rush that performing for thousands of people gave me was indescribable. I wish Julie was here to experience it with me.

I wish I could convince her to come with me, but I understood why she didn't want to quit her job. She didn't want to be known for only being "Niall Horan's fiancé". She wanted her own identity and I couldn't take that from her. It's selfish of me to want her by my side through all of this, but it isn't only for me. It's for her too.

I worry about her. She's been through a lot and not being there to help her when she needs it is nerve-wracking. She's been coping fairly well, sure...but I can't help but feel like she's holding back and will eventually either implode or need help. Or both. I want to be there, whether it's to pick up the pieces or help her through it.

I know it will be easier when my North American leg of the tour starts in January. I'll be closer to home and it'll be easier for her to fly out and visit over the weekend, so that keeps me going. We were officially half-way through this part of the tour, which means there are only three months left until I will be home with her for Christmas. My family asked if we would be coming out to Ireland, but I told them no. I knew I would selfishly want to spend time with Julie alone, and by that point I will need a break from traveling anyway. There was talk of them coming to L.A. to make it easier on us, so we will see. It's not currently at the top of my list of concerns right now.

However, what IS at the top of my list of concerns right now is Liam. I want to trust him, I really do. But I can't see why he would feel the need to be "checking in" on my fiancée while I'm away. Especially when she has Liz and Stacy around to make sure she's alright. And they obviously have Dan and Harry around if she needed help with anything they couldn't take care of themselves.

I talk to Julie every day and it seems like she tells me everything. She tells me every time Liam stops by and what they talk about. It's usually small talk. The only time he's been inside the house is when she had all of our friends over for dinner a few weeks ago. I don't even have to ask, it's all information that she volunteers to me. She must know I'm leery of something, but I trust her. I really do. However, Liam knows personally how easy it is to get paranoid in this kind of situation, and he's still hanging around my house with her. That just doesn't sit well with me. So I did something.

While Julie was at work a few days ago, I had someone install cameras around the outside of the house. Thankfully, even though I'm halfway across the world, I was able to gain access through my phone to the cameras so I can keep an eye on things. I should've done it a long time ago, to be honest. Especially after everything that happened with that piece of shit, Chad. It makes me sound crazy, I know. But I'm not trying to spy on her. It wasn't only so I could keep an eye on who was coming and going. It gives me a little peace of mind to know I can check in whenever I need to. All the cameras have motion sensors that will alert me when someone approaches the house. I felt like it was a small step towards being able to protect her better when I'm away. The only problem is that I haven't told her about the cameras yet. I have every intention of letting her know, I just haven't gotten around to it. I will. Soon.

I texted Jules good night and that I loved her as I was transported to the hotel. I had no idea what time it was back home, but I wasn't expecting a response so I shoved my phone in my pocket and climbed out of the car when we arrived at our destination.

I guess I should've taken my manager's advice and brought more than one security guard, because apparently someone discovered where I was staying and spread the word. I smiled and waved, keeping my composure as fans reached out to me, rambling in German as they tried to catch my attention.