TRIGGER WARNING: Description of anxiety attack, some fears discussed
I come home that night, sweating bullets. I put my keys on the counter, bolting upstairs, before my parents or Ben or Ainsley see me. I can't deal with anyone right now.
I run into my room and close the door tightly behind me.
I flop down on my bed, with my arms all out and open, taking a deep breath.
Samara scared the shit outta me tonight. She scared a lot of people.
On one hand, I'm kinda glad my thoughts have shifted elsewhere for once, but on the other, it scares me all in itself that I have something almost as serious to shift my thoughts to; I guess it's just another reminder of how easy it is to loose people, in any capacity, and how much I don't want to. How much the very possibility tears at me, makes the walls close in again, makes it impossible to breathe.
—
Once it starts, you can't stop a panic. It feels like those same turbulent ocean waves keep rolling over and over you, until they carry you away, and you can't even feel your own body anymore. Until you're so consumed by it, you can't tell which way is up anymore.
—
"Liam, buddy, what's"- Ben says, barging in. "I could hear you hyperventilating from the top of the stairs. What's going on?" What's the matter?"
"I can't— I mean I don't want— I mean I can't— loose... and I'm gonna- I mean I feel like I'm gonna... and everyone will be gone— and I'll forget them cause I never really knew them— and they'll never know how I feel and.... and... I lost him, and I... tonight.:. I... almost lost her... and I'll be alone, and I - I- Benny, I can't be alone! I can't loose everyone! But I'm so s-c-a-r-e-d that I'm gonna. I'm gonna, Benny, I'm gonna!" I take a few gulps of air as my eyes dart back and forth, and sweat beads slowly all around my face.
"Okay, buddy, ok, come on," Ben says, as he picks me up in a fireman carry, and sets me on the carpet. He gets behind me, and wraps his arms around my shoulders, because he knows that's what I need right now.
"You're never gonna loose me, Liam. You're never gonna loose me." he says, and maybe I would have believed him, if it weren't what Taylor used to say.
—
YOU ARE READING
Remembering Taylor Mason (Rewritten, 2020)
TienerfictieSeventeen year old Taylor Mason loses his life one seemingly perfect summer day , leaving his best friends, Liam and Samara to have a very turbulent start to their summer *Not to contradict any stories previously made*. Trigger warning: deals...
