Untold Secrets - Levi X OC

Hopeless

About eight weeks had passed since the day I met them, everything had been going well. Isabel and I became closer, we knew each other really well and she became my best friend. Furlan was still a bit cold towards me, but less than what he was towards the beginning which was always good. Levi and I had gotten pretty close as well, he would be gentle with me and reassure me when I needed it. However, as for myself I felt the same, I didn't feel like anything in me had changed, I just felt like a lost little girl depending on others again; it made me really angry.

I had become this facade and I wasn't sure what to do about it, I just wanted to be myself again, but then again I felt hopeless. I was okay, I had friends, I had a home, but for some reason all those things did was remind me of how useless I am without them. I wanted to hate Levi, I wanted to hate them all but I couldn't because they simply hadn't done anything for me to hate them, they don't know my thoughts so I can't expect a response can I?

I felt so dramatic whenever I thought about these things, it felt as if I was just expanding a small little problem into a huge one. I tried not letting myself think about how I felt too much, but the nightmares, the hours staring at a ceiling waiting for my eyes to shut; it always took me away. I stopped going out when I had nightmares, I didn't want Levi to feel any more burdened than he probably already did.

Oh yeah, that's that feeling; being a burden

Ever since I was taken in by Kenny, all I've ever felt is like a burden. He took me in and just left, he raised me for four years and left. He always told me he was never meant to be a father but always took care of us, of me. Last night I saw him was before I went out to buy food, he told me to be back soon, but when I came back he wasn't there anymore. He never sat in the same chair again. That day I felt lost again, that day was the same type of day I dreaded to come again. Eventually all of the other kids either left, or died of hunger.

Just a fucking burden

I closed my eyes and sighed, hoping that my mind would take a small break from the thinking, I was hoping I would disconnect from my memories.

I sat up from where I lay. I lost count of the amount of times I had nights like this, nights where all that I had in mind was the people I used to have. No one knew about them though, they were like ghosts and only I could see them. I still wonder what would happen if I told Isabel this, or Levi.

I chuckled at the thought of them kicking me out for being insane, but soon stopped when I realized they would just look at me with the face of pity. The face I had been looked at with every since that day, since the day she died in front of me.

I was angry and hurt that day, but instead of helping everyone just stared at me and her dead body, they just stared and looked so guilty.

I wanted to yell and scream, I wanted to throw and smash things but I couldn't, I wasn't alone anymore. Levi was probably awake, but was it worth it to go to him? It'll fix today's problem but what about tomorrow's? Being stuck in my own head was my biggest flaw, when I was in there wasn't going to be an easy way out.

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed.

Just for today Josephine, only today.

I stood up, trying my best not to make any noise and slowly headed for the door. I grabbed the knob and twisted it quietly as I pulled the door and snuck out from Isabel's room. Once I was out I sighed and headed over to sunshine's room, hoping for him to be awake. I lightly knocked on his door and waited a bit before I heard footsteps coming towards me. I took another deep breath in before the door opened, revealing Levi's dimly lit room and his figure in front of me.