Saar

Chapter 2

Heinrich knocked on the door and said: "Sire, Dinner is ready, I have made sure everything on the table is appealing to your taste". The melancholy of the mansion was catching up to me and all my senses and mental state were going insane. This mansion was filled with him. I could hear his voice, I could sense his smell and I could see him walking around. As if... as if his ghost remained around me.

On the table, I could barely gulp down anything. "Sire, you seem rather disinterested in the food, is there something wrong with it?" Heinrich inquired whilst picking up the dishes to inspect himself. How could I explain to him that I was full? I should rather say occupied by this longing remorse and guilt that rattles me every night and numbs me every day. I just said, "No, I just don't feel like having it". "Well, sire if there is anything else that I can help you with please feel free in all your entitlement to order for" And Heinrich left.

I went up to my room and took a seat by the window. I for the longest can remember I have been alone, just like the moon in the sky. All these clouds and stars around yet so far for him to talk. My mother left me at an early age, I could barely remember why. Many in the village say she left us due to our father's negligence towards her. Well, I agree with this conjecture to a frighting point. Both my grandfather and father were ambitious. They had a rather disturbing thirst for money. Hence, they spent months going on business trips or other ventures. Money was like wine to them and they were drunk on it for most of their lives. This can be a reason I was bent on being a doctor. I wanted to go as far as possible from this constant urge to be surrounded by money. My childhood wasn't created with memories with my family, it was fairly studded with memories with house servants and villagers.

"Sire, I think you should retire for the day" Heinrich stood at the door. "Can you fetch me a newspaper please" I wanted one, I don't know why. "Newspaper? Very well sir" He went down. I think I was just trying to distract myself. Heinrich was soon back with the desired "The news is all about the war nowadays, I mourn the deaths and cherish the so-called victories" Heinrich gasped and left the room. I didn't read the newspaper. I used it to cover every window of the room. In the pitch dark room, I felt the isolation, a sense of calm, as if I was no longer vulnerable and watched.

"Sire? Sire?" It was Heinrich. I had no recollection of where I was. "Sire, do you need any sort of help?" Heinrich picked me up from the ground. "You've been sleeping on the floor!" his concern was reflected in his tone. "I just...." I was dumbfounded and couldn't feel my surroundings for a good full minute. "Sire, you concern me'' Heinrich dragged a chair for me. "I am fine" is my failed attempt at pushing his concern away.

"Sire, the table is ready. Please suit up and proceed for the feast" Heinrich left me alone. Under the cold shower, I reflected on my behaviour from the past few days. I was behaving like a child. I was required to be more mature and considerate. I went down the hall. Heinrich was standing near the table like a cliche butler. I sat down on a table decorated with varieties of Brötchen (bread rolls), marmalade or jam, chocolate spread, cheeses, hams, salami, Schwarzwälder, and honey to its very edge. "Hope you like it, sire" Heinrich looked at me smiling ear to ear. I ate like a hungry platoon, maybe the hunger from last night was catching up on me. After breakfast, I moved towards the garden whilst crossing the grand hall. Fully adorned with artefacts and paintings that my grandfather collected from around the world, toward the end of it ranks the 17th-century Jousting armour, that once a knight wore to his last joust. It was my father's prized possession. I find it distasteful to have a dead man's armour in our house.

In the garden Heinrich was giving instructions to Joseph; the family gardener. I almost forget about Joseph, he was a major part of childhood. He was the one who made days in Saar a bit more entertaining and lively. "What a pleasure to finally see you young Artz!" Joseph exclaimed. I was amused to see his enthusiasm on seeing me, "Nice to meet you Joseph, you haven't aged a single hair I see" I beamed. He chuckled for a while and offered me a chair. " oh young sire, not only me, the whole of Saar hasn't changed in all these years'' he said. Joseph knew me and could sense the irregularity in my spirit. "Why don't you go out to see the villagers, talk to them I know they would be equally pleased to see you" Joseph insisted.

I was desperate to escape this hell that I was stuck in. Hence, any little light of desertion appealed to me. I stepped out of the mansion and made my way through the stoned studded pavement towards the village. Still, I had this fear "what if they blame or they don't remember me?". All other sorts of insecurities began crawling on me.

All my fears came true as I entered the village, every eye was stuck on me as if I was marching with a soviet flag. People began chattering. Their eyes pierced my existence and their mumble raised a million questions on me. I couldn't breathe and my limbs went frail. I couldn't hear them but I knew what they were talking about. "They blame me!" I screamed to myself.

I immediately charged towards the mansion. Cursing myself on the ill-advised decision of visiting the village. "It has been 3 months and they still blame me?" I asked myself. "Yes, they do you dounce" came the answer. I went back and forth in my head. Sweating like a pig.

My father was always against the decision of me being a doctor. He wanted me to be in the family trade. I still left him and went to The commonwealth. When he died 3 months ago of old age. People blamed me for his death. They said he didn't die of old age alone, it was the loneliness and heartbreak that I gave him that took him away. And look at the of derision time I was unable to come to my own father's funeral due to this damned war.

I was shaken to my core. That image at the village was playing in front of my eyes like a movie.

"THEY STILL BLAME ME FOR IT" screamed my head.