Tears

Me?!!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," I scream. Then I start laughing.

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This is me! A creative girl, with great sense of humor and magic. I am talented, beautiful and of course Amazing! But there are some bad stuff too, I can be very judgy and grumpy, being insecure about myself at times. I can have an attitude. (like a nice teenage attitude.)  I'm working on that.
I am sweet and kind too. I love to sing, dance and act. I have a dream! To finally be free! To finally Sing! To finally Dance and Act and play! I have a dream to live my life fully!

I have a great family that supports me too. But, there is a problem there. I don't have a family that supports me. My dad says He'll support me in whatever I do. But he doesn't think the thing I want to do is a real job. Where is the support in that?

I want to be a singer, dancer, actresses, fashion designer, author, movie director, activist... Damn, the list goes on and on...

I have a brother and a mother. My mother is a great single mother, the kind that works her ass off and spends every minute she can with us, my brother and I.
She's the one that supports us with our dreams, she herself is an artist, we got her part of the genes, but really, we're all artists in the end. Even if you support it or not, we all got that small spark, some choose to go for it while others don't. I'm choosing to go for it.

That's why I say I have a family that supports me and one that doesn't. I've got my mom and my dad, my mom supports, my dad doesn't.

Even when my parents were married, my mom was practically single. My dad worked and everything but I don't really remember much of my dad in my early years. I don't really have a memory of him. All I remember is a kinda scary man. He would come back from work and wear a skeleton mask and say 'boo'. That was funny, not scary really, but what WAS scary was when I heard him yell at my mom at night. I've always been a Night Owl, always wanting to stay up late and party, of course I love to sleep, but if you give me the option to party, I will, I've just got so much stuff to do in my life, sometimes I feel that sleeping is too long. But I love it all the while.
So, I creeped out of my room, ready to make my mom laugh when I spooked her with the news: I wasn't asleep, but that night, instead of creeping slowly down the hallway for fun, I got scared as I peaked through the door to see my mom shining with tears as she talked to my dad. I don't really remember much about the rest of that night. It wasn't like my dad was attacking us but he was attacking my mom. She had to leave. Now we have to face him alone.

My mom and dad have half custody of the two of us, so they've divided their time with us evenly. We stay with our mom every Monday and Tuesday and with our dad every Wednesday and Thursday, we rotate every other weekend.

My mom helps us adjust from one house to the other with her yoga and meditation, teaching us how to heal on our own with the power of our thoughts.

My parents split when I was around 8. I was in 3rd grade, while my brother was in Kindergarten. That year I hated school. New kids came to our class, and mean kids. And I had to do it alone. I was always calm at school but I would erupt at home, taking in all the energy of the chaotic kids. But I learned. Still learning, to not take in other's energies.

My brother is my best friend.

He's got beautiful blond hair, while my hair is a darker blonde, over the years turning brown. My brother is growing his hair out as a way of protest from the past abuse his father would put him through. He'd force him to cut his hair, even if he didn't want to, not only that, but cut it uneven. He wears it long to also excpirence how my long hair is. In Italy, in the summer time, we usually go to the sea water and when I exited it, I sometimes would lick my hair, salt coming off my hair tips, so my brother wanted to do that too.

My brother's eyes are a never ending loop of colors, changing day and night, to blue, then green, hazel and then to a mix of all of them.

My eyes are a deep brown, big eyes and hypnotizing if you look too close, in a way my brother and I are similar when it comes to beautiful eyes.

My brother is there when I need him to be. We help each other out, taking in the hardship of being with our dad, experiencing the pain together.

I was 12 years old the month of March when the whole pandemic began but I'm 13 now. My brother is 11. We're two years apart in age, he turns 12 in September.

Let's start when the COVID-19 started. The day before we had to go home.

My Best Friend, from school, and I were walking out of Science Class. The other class was coming in (where my crush was). Then the boy that I liked just plopped down a note in my books. We walked quickly to the bathroom. My best friend was jumping up in down,"Shut Up" I hushed. We walked into our secret spot where we go in between classes, THE BATHROOM! We ran into a stall and started to read. He told me he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. "So cringy," my best friend, Diamond said. It really was, but it was so cute, but then... I had no school until next year... Covid... *sigh*

I had no way to contact him. He wasn't in my class, and nobody knew his email. I knew his brother's but not his.

Then finally I got his email. We started to flirt and have fun on chats. But my dad started getting suspicious of my giddy behaviors and he'd see the emails and chats that we sent. He started to talk about weird stuff to me, like about boyfriend stuff, when bro, I don't got one, I'm just chatting with a boy. He was getting all paranoid for nothing, it wasn't like anything was going to happen and nothing did happen, after all, we got stuck at home. He even asked my mom. "Hell, No!" My mom was no way going to tell him. "It's your personal life, he doesn't have to know," she told me. My mom is the most understanding mother ever. She is kind, amazing and AMAZING!!!!! There is no judge in her world. She believes in my voice. She listens to my feelings and thoughts. I LOVE HER!!!

But the most bizarre thing is that right after I stopped talking to this boy, he started talking about marriage, telling me that I need a man and protection, saying marriage was good and I needed to make a family, but only to me not my brother. I had to deal with this whole switch of him saying one thing and then switching it to the complete opposite. One to him saying, don't get a boyfriend to then saying get a husband. I'm like dude, I'm only thirteen and who wants their kid to depend on a man.

During this COVID-19, I got to do work at my own pace and be with my mom more, but that also means be with my dad more. I never knew school was actually good (in a way.) Sure they teach us things (I could learn by myself) but they also take us away from our parents. I want to be with my mom all the time, but, I have to be with my dad half the time too, so school gave me a good break from my dad and now that I don't have that, I see the help school had given me in the past.

Now let's get to today. Today is June 13, 2020 on a Saturday. I am with my mom this weekend, thankfully. I am sitting on my bed. We are going to have a picnic with some friends six feet apart.

Oh... Almost forgot. My name is Mina. 2 syllables. It's Italian. My mother's name is Ellina and my brother's name is Simon. 💖💗 😚