Unexpected

4.

Becky

If my brother wasn't asleep right now and i wasn't being watched by a doctor then i would've most definitely argued back with my mom. She didn't even try to understand me, i will always be an irresponsible teenager to her.

I took a deep breath ,slowy puting the anger away. I relaxed my hands, my nails had dug into my skin making little red blood lines in my palms. I sighed and closed my hands, i know that sooner or later all this anger will return again.

My mom signed the discharge papers and carried Jack to the car. He didn't open his eyes once, sleeping peacefully. I wanted my mother to forgive me, i wanted her to known that it wasn't my fault and that I'll be better next time.

"I'm sorry that ruined your date." I said to her in a soft voice.

"It's okay. I'm just happy that the both of you are alright." She said keeping her eyes focused on the road.

"But you really scared me today, do you realise that Becky?"

I honestly didn't know that, i just thought that she was disappointed in me. But for the sake of my mother i said that i did realise that i had scared her.

"I'm not going to punish you anymore than i already did today but i am giving 2 options about what is going to happen. Option 1: I'll find a babysitter to take care of you and Jack when i am working. Option 2: you're going to speak with a therapist once a week to handle your emotions and to work on your sense of responsibility. And then i won't search for a baysitter for you and Jack."

I had to think about that for a second. I didn't mind babysitting for my little brother but having a break from that would be nice. But it would still be stranger in our house who is going to think that they will be in charge of me. I didn't feel like i needed to talk to a therapist and especially not my old one. Mabye i could find a loophole.

"Does my school counselor count as therapy?" I aksed her.

She sighed. "Fine, but if i don't see process in 3 weeks you're talking to a real therapist."

I was satisfied with that, the school counselor didn't give a fuck about the students. I could easily ditch those meetings or just lie to him. He was a guy around his 40s, but I'm pretty sure that he still thought that he was 20. Me and Maddy smoked weed with him one time during luch, he was kinda a creep but that made it even more hilarious.

We got home and my mom brought Jack to bed. She made sure that he was tucked in tightly so he couldn't fall out or wonder into the hall again.

"I'm gonna to bed, i have to work early tomorrow. Goodnight." My mother said to me in a tired voice.

I said goodnight to her and walked downstairs. The whole situation with me brother had knocked all the tiredness out of me. I walked around the living room and looked into the garden. I tiptoed to the door, carefully opened it and stepped outside.

The backyard wasn't as pretty as it used to be, the grass was yellow and the few plants that were still standing had taken over the whole garden with their dead branches and leaves. I hadn't really been out here since my dad died. The garden was always his little spot.

I walked to the back were he had built a tiny shed, his original plan was to make it into a greenhouse but he never found the time to do so. I opened the door of the shed, a big cloud of dust hit my face. I coughed and turned on the light that was miraculously still working. I froze for a moment as the old memories flashed before my eyes. I quickly whiped the tear away that had made his way down my face, there was no need to cry about an old dusty shed.

I scanned the shed looking for the object that was the reason that i had come in here. I quickly found it behind a few garden tools. It was my old boxing bag that my dad had hang up in the shed, "a safe way to release your emotions." That's what he had said to me shen he gave it to me on my 13th birthday. I used that bag almost every day, it indeed really helped with releasing my emotions. But it unfortunately broke a few months before my dad died. I wasn't surprised that it had broken because my anger sometimes really got the best of me.

My dad always said to me that he would fix when he had the time but he never had time. So here it lies, forgotten in a dusty shed. I picked the bag up and looked to see if i could fix it on my own. The boxing bag itself looked fine but the hook in the ceiling where it used to hang on was broken. I sighed, this was going to harder than i thought.

I took a step back and nodded, satisfied at the work that i had done. The bag was hanging on the ceiling again. I laughed and gave it a weak punch. Soon my anger took over and i punched the bag multiple times as hard as i could.

I put my head against the bag after i had lost all my energy. My already bruised hand hurt even more than before. I looked up and noticed that the sun had stared to come up. "Shit" i whispered to myself as i quickly ran back into the house. My mom would be pissed if she found out that i had stayed up all night. I rushed inside the house, grabbed an ice pack for my hand and then ran to my room.

30 minutes later my mom's alarm clock went off, it was 5 in the morning. I could try to sleep for 2 hours but i didn't feel like sleeping. I searched my room for something that would keep me awake during the day. After searching for a while a found some adderall, my friend gave it to me a while back. She had adhd but refused to take her meds for it so she just handed them out to whomever wanted them, that way her parents thought that she took them.

I let my myself fall on the bed, i thought about what was going to happen at school. I hoped that the kid who i fought with didn't have any daring friends. That had happend once before. I thought that i had won a fight with a senior but the next day his friends kicked me and locked my up in a locker.

I don't mean to start fights with people, it was just something that happend every once in a while. I knew that talking to some shrink wouldn't help with that, the only thing that helped me with my anger was the boxing bag or someone who i used as one.