Unexpected

43.

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I'd rather not be alone right now." I said to Ashton as i closed Jack's door behind me.

"Of course, your or my bed?" He whispered .

"Mine." i said without any hesitation. I didn't want to sleep in the bed were my mom lied. Ashton didn't even sleep in his own bed anymore, he slept on a mattress next to it.

I trew him an blanket and a pillow. I never understood how people could share an blanket.

"Are you okay? You've been very quiet." He asked once we were in bed.

"Is it weird that i don't really feel anything?" I whispered back to him.

"No, you're still processing everything that happend. But if you do feel like you're having trouble you can always talk to me."

I nodded.

He gave me a small smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I stared at the ceiling as i heard Ashton snoring next to me. I couldn't help but think of the things my mom said. But i also thought about the last thing i said to her which wasn't really a good goodbye.

I carefully got out of bed and went to sit in my window. Everything looked so much more peaceful in the night.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked when he woke up.

I shook my head. "Too many thoughts."

"Want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "How did you sleep?"

He sighed and sat down opposite from me. "I dreamt about your mother."

"Like a nightmare?" I asked.

He shook his head. "It was a weird dream but it wasn't a bad one."

I clapped his hands and got up. "Want some breakfast?"

I wanted to say no but i know that that wasn't even an option so i just nodded.

Everybody was already downstairs and eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

Jack also looked like he didn't sleep a lot but atleast he was eating.

I grabbed a bowl of cereal with a cup of coffee and sat down at the quiet table.

"When's the funeral?" I aksed breaking the silence.

Ashton sat down next to me and answered my question. "We're going to plan it today but before we leave i want to ask you a couple of questions about your mother's funeral if that's alright."

I shrugged. "Sure"

"Your mother has made most things clear in her will but there are still a few things that i want to discuss with you."

I grabbed a piece of paper out of a binder and put it infront of me. "These are all the people that your mom wanted to come. Is there anyone that is missing?"

I looked at the list of people. A lot of names where unfamiliar to me so i didn't really feel bothered to read to whole thing. We didn't really have a lot of family so most of the people where friends.

"Looks fine with me."

He nodded and put it back in the bender.

"Now your mom also asked a few people to say something during the funeral. You're one of those persons. Is that something that you feel comfortable with?"

I hesitated for a second, i didn't want to go against my mom's wishes but i wasn't a big fan of the idea.

"Yeah, I'll say a few words."

The longer the conversation kept going the sadder i started to feel. I wanted to cry but i didn't want anyone to know so i kept it all inside.

"Thank you." He said as he wrote it down

I gave him a small smile. "No problem, do you need anything else or can i go to my room."

"No that was all. I'll talk to you when Calum and i get back."

When i got back into my a room a wave of emotions hit me. I was scared, happy but also sad.

I locked my door behind me which was something that i never did. I wanted to be alone.

There was a soft knock on my door. "You okay?" Ashton asked.

I could hear that he was trying to open the door but obviously couldn't.

"I'm fine, i just want some privacy." Knowing that he couldn't force me to open the door.

After a minute i heard him walk away. I was all alone with my emotions.

I paced back and forth while i put my hands on my head, trying to stop the thigh feeling in my chest. I felt so fucking trapped.

Out of frustration i grabbed the picture frame on my nightstand against the wall. It shattered into pieces.

I yelled as i let myself fall to the floor. I was  felt so exhausted and angry at the same time.

I cried until my i fell alseep.

I was woken up by a soft knock on my door.

"Becky? Are you okay in there?" Michael asked with a worried tone.

"Go away" i said with little energy.

"I'm not going anywhere until i know that you're okay." He said determined.

"Please go away."

"Becky I'm opening this door."

I didn't move. I was too tired to resist him.

It was quiet for a while until i heard him mess around with the lock. He had a tool that could open the lock from the other side. Ashton had showed it to my in case i needed to use it in an emergency.

Within a minute he opened to door and stepped inside.

"Oh Becky." He said under his breath when he saw me sitting in the corner.

Without needing to say anything else he walked towards me, he put his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. "It's going to be okay."

I couldn't help but start crying again.

"What's going on?" He aksed concerned when i had stopped crying.

"My last words to her were I'll hope you'll be happy in hell. I don't want those to be my last words." I said as that was the firsts thing that came to mind right now.

"Then don't let them be." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked hicupping.

"You can still say things to your mom."

"But she won't hear me."

"We don't know that. You just got to believe that she will hear you."

I nodded. "Mabye you're right."

"I hope so." He said with a smile.

"Shall we join Luke and Jack?" I aksed soflty.

He nodded and stood up. "Last one downstairs is a rotten egg." He said with a smile.

I quickly got up and ran after him downstairs.

"You're a rotten egg." He said out of breath when i came downstairs after him.

I flipped him off. We both laughed and went to sit on the couch with Jack and Luke.

Ashton and Calum came home with sad looks on their face. I didn't expect much different, talking about a funeral is depressing.

"When's the funeral?" I asked when he sat down in the couch.

"Tomorrow morning."

"It's all happening so fast." I said as rested my head on his shoulder.

He sighed. "Yeah it is but it's the sooner the better."