Heartbreak Weather | ✓

♡༉ f.

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Everytime you talked about how you were falling in love with her even more, I would never look at you. I would always try to pay attention to something else - the little uneven bumps of my nailpolish, the light creases on my skirt from practice, anything - because it gave my thoughts something to settle on outside of thinking of cupping your jaw & kissing you like morning dew kisses the grass.

You told me she was so beautiful so I tried so hard to become like her, breaking and denting and moulding my personality until I was a pretty mess of big doe eyes with innocence feigning off ; pale pink lips coated with a lipstick of lies.

I tried to make each word that left my lips to settle like soft snow since hers always did. I tried to take off the bars of my ribcage, one by one, slowly and steadily, so that I could fit a soul & heart like hers there in the branches.

But even with the soft curls, the girlish charm I was able to garner and the gentle smile, you still picked her over me, for reasons that I am sure you carefully thought about, but yes you did.

You told me she stayed lowkey, so I stopped socializing like I used to. You told me that you liked the color yellow, my whole wardrobe suddenly had yellow clothes. You told me that she didn't flirt and was shy, I stopped running my mouth like I used to, trying to act all flustered and reserved every opportunity I got.

You still picked her. Don't worry, you will perhaps still pick her. Nothing I did made me your first choice, which was pretty funny because you were my first choice.

And I couldnt stop the tears from flowing when I discovered that I was not me anymore.

While trying to change the circumstances, while trying to change the flow of events so that you could love me, while trying to change your view so that you could look at me and perhaps see your first choice ;

I

Ended,

Up,

Changing,

Myself.

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