Day 607
Maybe it's today... Well I thought that yesterday also...
I guess you just never know, cancer can do so crazy shit sometimes.
It's just like every other morning, waking up and wondering about the future; will you make it to 80 years old, will you make it to watch the 6 o'clock new, will you make it to see Shawn in an hour?
You never know
But knowing Shawn is coming soon helps a lot
Shawn Mendes, your loving boyfriend you have known for 15 years and when you turned 14 he decided he liked you more then you friend and made it a official relationship.
Shawn Mendes, your rock when you were 16 and found out that you were diagnosed with stage 2 Brian cancer and life just tumbled down from there.
Shawn Mendes, your world.
Shawn was very talented and I always knew he would make it big one day, and when the day came when he got offered the stop to open for Austin Mahone you couldn't be anymore happier. Shawn Fought you a lot because he didn't want to leave me in the condition I was in but I was not going to let myself stop him from reaching his dreams
He has been gone for 102 days
He calls, facetimes, and texts me everyday just to make sure everything is good and let me know that he misses me. But he was was coming home today for break
But today, something was off...
My legs were not functioning well, like my brain could not tell my legs to move.
My head was killing me more then ever!
And then my breathing started to get unsteady...
Then black
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I woke up to a killer head ache and a oxygen mask on and something tight around my hand
I stirred a little in the hospital bed as I start to open my eyes
My eyes were meet with another pair of eyes that I have wanted to see for a very long time
"Hi baby, how are you" Shawn said with a conceded look on his face not letting go of your hand
"Shawn..." You quietly whisper not having a lot of strength
"Shhh... It ok y/n, I'm here now get some rest" he said as his eyes started to get glossy
It's Time.
Right as I thought that my parents walked though the door tears running down their faces as they walked over to me and kissed me and told me they loved me and how strong I was.
"God, I'm going to miss them" I though as they walked out of the room sobs escaping my moms lips.
You tiredly looked over at Shawn who had small tracks of tear on his checks already, just as I noticed them another tear ran down his beautiful face
You shakily lifted your hand up and wiped the tear off of his face and place your hand against his face and just took in his looks knowing this is the last time I could see him.
"You don't have to go" Shawn said breaking into sobs
I used all the strength I had left in me and moved over in my little hospital bed to make room for my love to lay with me just for a little bit
Shawn saw what I was doing and quickly got up and helped me and sat
on the bed with me wrapped tightly in his arms and my face in his neck
"I love you" Shawn whispered into my hair as we sat there in silence for who knows how long.
I need to talk to him
You found some strength in you and got everything you needed to tell Shawn before you left
"Shawn..." You whispered quietly
"I need to to listen to me please baby..."
You shifted your body so you were still being held in his arms but you were facing him
"We knew this day was coming, but I guess I thought it would be a lot further away. But I need you to know that after
I leave you need to move on and find an amazing girl that will make you laugh and happy, and girl that will go to hockey games with you and a girl that actually knows how to cook cause God, I can't-"
This earned a sad chuckle from Shawn
"Just please promise me that you will have a life and you won't just lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life! You have an amazing future ahead if you Shawn!! You are so talented!!! I knew it the first time i head you sing. You will headline your own tour, sell out Madison Square Garden, and become the teen heartthrob of the year! God... I would love to be there to see that, it my time now I guess... I love you so much Shawn and know I always will but please just let me go...."
By then you both were sobbing in each other's arms and then it hit you that this was it....
No more life...
No more Shawn...
You sat in shawn's arms for a few more minute until the doctor came in with a sad smile on his face
"It's time to go, son" he said motioning to Shawn.
Shawn nodded and unraveled himself from my grasp.
Tears poured out of both of our eyes as I watched him walk towards the door
He stopped and turned around and walked back
"I love you so much y/n, I will never forget you... It may take me sometime to get over losing the most important person in my life but I promise you I will move on eventually. God... I am going to miss you. It hurts so much but I guess I have to let you go..." Shawn says with tears still streaming
I quickly pulled him into the last kiss that was gentle but full of passion, as I pulled away I whisper 'I love you'
He sobbed as he walked out of the room.
I will never see him again
The love of my life
Now it is my turn to finally let go...
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God that was really emotional.... I cried writing it. Let this be as a reminder that life is SOOOO precious and there are always people who care about you and you leaving this world will effect that person tremendously! And when it seems like no one cares about you remember, I care ☺️💖
But on another note, I hope you guys had a Happy Christmas!
And I am so thankful for you guys and all the support you have had with this book and I love you all💋
-Natalie ☺️💖🎄
