Too Many Thoughts {Poetry Book}

This is for Him {Poem}

I don't know how to start this other then saying, I am angry right now. I don't know how and I don't know why. but I'm angry and I need to yell and scream and hurt you but I can't.. 

I can't hurt you the way you killed me, cause you did. I know I'm gonna tell you didn't but you did. I am sitting here at 3am to pissed off to cry, I'd love to be crying instead of burning in anger.

I hate this! More then anything, I don't hate you, I hate the shit that were in right now, that I'm in. Cause I can't figure out what happened..  I know your reason and I'm not mad at that. I'm mad at everything else, I don't want to get out of bed anymore because of this, I don't want to spend time with anyone because of this. Tonight is the night I let all my anger from the past couple weeks out and I'm so sorry for I'm about to say. Please don't be mad. 

I have been here for you through EVERYTHING these past four months, no one else has! 

I have virtually held your hand through the worst nights and I would do that for a lifetime if it made you feel better. 

Going back to when we first met, I fell so hard for you, you made me feel beautiful. You made me feel worth it and you helped me through alot. I never wanted to admit to myself or you that I liked you. 

When you told me you liked me, I was so happy I've never been so happy. You wanted to wait and I was fine with that, I'm still fine with it. My feelings for you have not changed, nothing about my feelings will ever changed, cause i can't live without you. It's a psychical pain I feel when your not with me or talking to me. 

I broke my wall down for you! I gave you my heart! I gave you trust and love when I was terrified that this would happened! and I'm left here with a broken heart and wall that I have to rebuild! 

I will never look at love the way everyone else can, I will never look at myself the same way I did before this happened, I used to see someone worth it someone worth your love. I can't see the same girl anymore. 

I now see someone who you don't want anymore,  I now see someone you only see as a friend!

I can't figured out what happened to us. Cause you completely changed on me and I don't know what to do cause I don't what I can do.. 

I can't hurt you, I can't leave you, I can't show you that I'm fine cause I can't keep anything from you. But I can do is wait till you want me again. I don't care if I'm waiting a lifetime, I'll wait till I die. I will sit here and be your friend, your best friend. I won't let you see how upset I get if you find another girl, and I'll be there if she hurts you and I'll listen when you tell me how you love her. And I'll be waiting if you ever want me again...