Is It Love?Nicolae Bartholy

Still On The Mission .2.

...
I won't be surprised if he did. After all it's not a secret. It's pretty easy to guess.

Nicolae: Anyway you have to rest now. I'm sorry i bothered you.

Suddenly I feel the coldness of his skin on mine again and the room seems brighter. Nicolae gently opened the door and smiles while he steps out. I feel completely exhausted. Emptied all my energy!

I don't even have strength to drag myself to the bedroom. So I just collapsed onto my bed! The conversation between me and Nicolae becomes hazy. A vague memory. As I sink into a deep sleep... But my sleep is very quickly disturbed... An unknown force envelopes me,pulls me and pushes me to open my eyes and get up. As I open my eyes I'm in a huge ballroom. At the University of London. The room is so richly decorated that it takes my breath away. Everything is stunningly sumptuous. Soon I realized I'm not alone. Ludwig is with me and he is making me twirls on the dance floor. I must admit he is really quite talented and yet he is not the one who catches my attention. In the background I see Nicolae approaching. He's staring at us or rather...at me! Ludwig has also noticed it and doesn't seems to like it much. With a smile Nicolae walks towards me...

Nicolae: Greetings far maiden. Hope I haven't drifted too far from your thought since our last encounter.

How can I forget him. He is so magnetic. That I couldn't drive him out of my thoughts. Nicolae plunged his hand under his coat and whips out a beautiful white rose. I reach out to touch but as soon as I do,it disappeared as if by magic.

Ludwig: What's the use in offering it to her,if it's taken back immediately?!

I give Ludwig a stern look to make him stop his cutting remarks.

Nicolae: Open your wide eyes my beauty and accept this modest present.

I don't even pay attention to Ludwig's scathing remarks. My eyes are fixed on Nicolae who reveals a locket lying on the palm of his hand as he opens it. The little jewelry that he hands me is made of gold. I'm hypnotized by the object.

Allison: Thank you it's beautiful.

Nicolae: I know that this jewel is magical,it protect the person who wears it and his true love appears inside.

Troubled I opened it and widen my eyes as I see Nicolae's face inside.

Ludwig: And what did you show her. A sneaky little lie,I bet!

Nicolae: Magic has it's mystery and your friend has seen her future and I'm sure you have no place in it.

Ludwig: Probably, because you are nothing of a magician. But all of a charlatan.

Ludwig keeps grumbling behind me. Without wanting to be I'm troubled by this revelations. Suddenly Nicolae takes my hand and waltzer me over the center of the room. I barely have time to understand what's going on. His lips touches mine,so quickly that I wondered if he really kissed me.  I know Ludwig is here in the room watching us. I really hope he didn't catch Nicolae's gesture. He might go mad with rage. As for Nicolae he's acting as if we are alone in the world. He looks at me with a faint smile on his lips. His hand tighten their hold on me pulling me closer to him.

Nicolae: let yourself go. Forget what's  around you. It doesn't matter. You're all that matters right now.

I really want to dance in Nicolae's arms and that he start kissing me again. No matter the consequences,no matter what Ludwig thinks. I just want this dance not to ever end with Nicolae.

I suddenly sit up in my bed through the windows. I see that it's still pitch black out. I had another dreams. Once again I'm all filled with sweat and with guilty warmth... I have a nasty tendency of having them and it's becoming more and more disturbing... I don't understand what happened to me and i feel exhausted. I can still smell Nicolae's perfume on my neck and his hands on my hips. What happened...? The memories of my dream comes back to me in progressively... The ballroom and Ludwig dancing with me... Nicolae appearing out of the blue and coming towards us, smiling that mesmerizing smile... I think I have face up the fact that Nicolae fascinates me... I must at least calm down and my subconscious... I am starting to have feelings for my employer...! I mustn't give in to this kind of fantasy... It must be a big mistake.

I must distinguished the Nicolae of my dreams and that of real life. At all cost... I tend to confuse the two but they so much look alike. If every night I dream of Nicolae I won't be able to manage to hold back anymore... He seems more accessible than in real life...Happier, lighter. I find myself hoping that both Nicolaes are one and the same person. There is obviously a link between the two men. Although I haven't still find a plausible explanation,there are too much alike not to be the same person... In any case I can't live this question unanswered. Everything seems so strange ever since I got here. Was I really in Nicolae's arms ? Or it was just a dream...? Reason and logic tells me it's a dream. But I can't get the feeling off my head that I really lives it at all. The touch of Nicolae's hand in my body... It was too real for me yo have imagined it! I look at my bed and my body sprawled over it. My soft Soviet is covered with blanket and my clothes are slumped on the chair. How could I believe I was dancing in London two minutes ago...? And yet I also have that steadying sensation of Nicolae's lips on mine. I'm feeling rather naughty and I would dive into my dream to taste his lips again. I giggle nervously, something troubles me each time I'm in this dream I feel like I'm two different people. Physically, even if I'm  dressed differently but I feel it's not me mentally. It can't be me.

This dreams is not the one I  usually have,where I know it's me even if I'm riding in a dragon or whatever. Here, its different. Everything seems real! And yet I don't recognize myself and I don't feel myself. What if Nicolae was right. What if those dreams aren't my imagination...? My head is spinning with all these assumptions! Ludwig suddenly comes to my mind. A strange  bond seems to unite us both. Is it love? And yet...yet I don't seems to mind hurting him. Judging by my behavior with Nicolae. Even if I don't do it on purpose I let myself be seduced before while being in a relationship. Without meaning any harm. It's always nice to feel desirable. I like flirting even when it causes jealousy. But nothing more. I try to reassure myself by saying all these is just a dream. What I do in it isn't what I'm really like in the reality. Neither Ludwig or Nicolae. Well at least not Nicolae the magician... Exist. They are just figment of my overflowing imagination. To tell the truth I feel totally lost. But there is one thing I'm sure of to live the manor as soon as possible if I want this dreams to stop...!

I feel it's the only solution if I want to see things clearly. I mustn't let my self carried away by emotions. There must be a rational explanation for all this. I just need to think. Nevertheless I still come to the conclusion that while waiting for answers I should stay here. If I can't sleep at night I'm going to turn into a nervous wreck. It would be better if the first thing tomorrow morning. I will pack my bags and leave this place before I end up losing my mind. But where to go? All these questions are tiring me. My glaze fall on my parents picture. What advice will they give? A lips of anxiety falls on my throat. The picture of my smiling parents overwhelms me. Lack of sleep makes me more fragile. It feels that the day ahead is going to be extremely difficult. Still after yet, another  sleepless nights. As I could have guest when I see my face in the mirror in the morning. I panic. There are huge bags under my eyes. I splash my face with water. Trying to put some color on my cheeks. No time for chocolate or coffee. I'm running late. I'II take some few cookies and eat them on the way. The house is silent. I have no idea of where they have gone to and I don't want to know. It's not a bad thing but I don't feel like running to them this morning. I grab my bag and put on my jacket.