All of Us (The Walking Dead)

Chapter 14

I looked down at the knife I was holding. My hands were covered in blood, blood from the man who laid lifeless on the ground in front of me. I did this, I thought. I killed him. I started running, tripping on roots as I made my way in the dark towards the direction my friends had gone.

"Zoey!" I whispered. "Anna!"

All of a sudden I heard them; I heard their screams in the distance. I ran up behind a tree, hiding myself, and peeked around to see my friends on their knees, huddled together. Two men stood in front of them, guns in their hands. I had just opened my mouth to scream their names when both men raised their guns.

Bam!

"No!" I woke up with a start, gasping for air. I sat up, looking around me frantically, tears running down my face. "No!" I yelled again, even though I could no longer see them, but the picture had been so vivid. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the thoughts away. My breathing was coming out in short, jagged breaths. I looked down at my hands that were just covered in blood. They were clean, but I couldn't get the picture out of my head. I whimpered as I tried to forget that night.

My breathing was getting faster. I couldn't stop it as the panic feeling in my chest grew. I rubbed at my chest, trying to calm myself, but when I felt my body start to tingle, I knew it was coming. I hadn't had a serious panic attack since I'd arrived at Alexandria. But I knew what this was from the countless nights spent on my own; it felt too familiar.

The door to my room suddenly flew open.

I shrieked, scared at who was there. When I saw Daryl standing at my doorway with an alarmed look on his face, I dropped my head in my hands and started to cry.

"Sloane?" he whispered as he came closer to me.

I didn't reply- I couldn't. My body started to shake from the feelings that were brought back to me from the dream, from the memory.

Suddenly, the bed dipped as Daryl sat down beside me.

I felt his hand rest on my back. "What's wrong?" he said quietly.

I shook my head. My cheeks felt hot as tears fell down them. My vision started to grow fuzzy, making me panic that I was going to faint. My breathing picked up.

"Daryl," I choked out. I felt like I couldn't breath.

After a moment, Daryl started to rub my back in a circular motion. His presence felt calming, and I focused my attention on his hand, the repetitive motion starting to calm me down. I started to breathe deeply, my heart rate slowly going back to normal. We sat there just like that for a while.

After a few minutes, Daryl spoke. "What's wrong?"

I didn't respond at first. I didn't want to talk about it. But maybe talking about it would help. Maybe I had been having these nightmares because I hadn't dealt with it yet.

I kept my eyes trained on the sheets in front of me as I finally spoke. "Have you killed anyone?" I asked in a quiet voice.

His hand on my back paused, and he slowly removed it.

He averted his eyes. "Mmhmm," he said. "Had to do it to protect people."

We sat there silent for a moment. "Have you?" he asked me.

I nodded my head and drew a deep breath, knowing that I needed to tell someone about that night. A week ago, I would have thought that Daryl would have been the last person I would open up to. But now, I felt like he was someone I could talk to.

"I was with Zoey and Anna for a long time. We met at the beginning and we just stuck together. We bounced from group to group. A while back, we were on our own, and these guys found us. They seemed real nice," I paused for a moment, trying to get my breathing under control. I shook my head quickly. "They weren't, but we didn't know that yet. They took us back to their group, but when we got there, we knew they were bad people. It was just a group of men. There were a few women, but they were being held hostage... We tried to get out right away, but they wouldn't let us leave. They tied us up." I raised my hands off the bed and started to unwrap the bandanas I kept tied around my wrists all the time. I took them off and revealed the scars around my wrists from being tied up for a few days as they held us hostage. Looking at them reminded me of those days. They reminded me of the blood and the burning feeling from trying to wiggle and pull my wrists free from the ropes.