prohibited {saimami}

+-chapter 4-+

shuichi's pov :

it's been a couple of weeks since me and rantaro didn't talk. he still hates kokichi from his whole heart, i guess the now girl made him thought of one of his sister. must be it.

i sighed, taking my attention back to class, a bit before the bell ringed. rantaro got up quickly and leaved, so quickly that he forgot his jacket. i looked at it, kinda hesitant. i then got up and picked it up, i through it over my shoulder and leaved the school.

when i arrived home with my sisters, my firt move was to get in my pyjamas and throw the jacket on my bed, laying on it. but before i could appeciate the moment, my parents called out my name.

i dressed up and cautiously got downstairs. "hello shuichi, we need to go somewhere right now, let's go." as much as i aked where we were heading, i would only get silence as an answer. we got into the car and drove off, it was getting really dark, and the moon gave me a sort of light to look up to. 

from afar, i noticed an abandoned church, almost destroyed, only the reception room was looking okay. my dad, who was driving pulled over. we got out and walked, until we were in front of that church. i noticed some lights coming from the inside.

as my parent forced me in, a whole bunch of people were just singing religious songs, torches in their right hand, a priest was standing in front of them, he turned to me as his followers finished the song. it was a tall tired man, and fairly old, or maybe was it ut his white hair ? who could have said. "shuichi saihara....our brother....betrayed us by practicing homosexuality..." i flinched. what's happening ?? "his sin of lust towards another man is unforgivable....which mean he isn't accepted of god anymore....does he feel sad about it ? who knows what the beast is thinking about.....he could be thinking about devouring us, no one would know....now....his sentence is the worst imaginable.... being tortured to death..."

i was shaking, scared, and lonely. i tried to run away, but the door were locked. and the walls were to high for me to climb, i then smelled a burning scent, the priest grabbed me and two caped person took my shoes and socks off. as much as i tried to get away, i felt terrified and paralized. next thing i knew, i had a chocker wrapped around my neck, which was connected to a chain. they made me walk on burning wood and ashed by pulling the chain, i couldn't fight, my brain couldn't pocess anything to find a solution, i couldn't think, i just did everything they told me to do, like eat pieces of glass, dancing on burning metal, cut my wrist and write 'god' with my blood, stretched my body, stretch my mouth, and perform sexual acts on me, and finally, the moment came.

i was covered in blood, i just wanted this to end, my whole body hurt, and i felt everything going dark, the moonlight was fading, i was laying on the ground, crying. i was exhausted, both mentally and physically. the footstep were fading. are they leaving ? am i dead ? why is everything so relaxing all of a sudden ? i don't want to die yet. there's so much things i want to do. everything was fading, i could look up at the moon like this, it was quite reassuring. everything went darker and darker until i couldn't see anything anymore.

~~~~~

i woke up in the grass, it felt like everything was back to normal. i wasn't hurt anymore, i just didn't remember this place. "i wish things like this would happen more often...." i turned to the green haired boy. "what do you mean ?" i finally remember, that night, when rantaro told me... "i used to spend nights with my little sister, just looking at the stars until we fell asleep...i'm happy i get to feel that again." he turned to me, smiling, i felt warm and safe. i hold his hand. "are you scared of dying, shuichi ?" i chuckled. "i know it's really not my time now, but i'm not sure. what about you ?" he smiled. "i think i would be sad to leave everything behind, but also kind of scared." we looked at each other. "you must know what it feels like, aren't you dying ?" i looked down. "i'm sorry....i still don't process everything...but i'm still really sad...i won't be able to see you anymore, i didn't even had the time to tell you that i-" i looked up at him, but he dissapeared. 

i got up and walked around. "hey, dad ! can u see what i caught ???" i looked towards the voice, to see a green haired little boy, running towards a green haired man, a little blue haired girl was hiding behind him. "it a spider ! ew !" the little girl sticked her tongue out to the little boy as he seemed offended. who i assume is the dad chuckled. "good catch, i'm sure dad would love to see that." as he said that, another blue haired man came out of the bush, a little kittens in his hands. is that me ?... the little girl gasped and rush towards it and started petting it, the little boy following soon after. "be careful ritsu, it's still a baby." the older me said. the little boy went more gently. "can we keep him ???" the little girl smiled brightly, to which they all looked at....rantaro ?... "of course we can." he chuckled, as we all got into a group hug. "i love you all..." rantaro said, smiling. we all then laughed.

it' not fair, why did i have to die ? i want to live this, i want to be with rantaro, i want to adopt children with him... why did i had to die ? i want to see them all. i want rantaro to tell me he love me, i want to live and see all of this. i tried to join the group hug, but of course, i wasn't truly there, i tried to hug the children, but nothing would do. i want to be loved, and to love in return. and then, everything faded.

the story isn't finished y'all