Surreptitious

Chapter 4: "I Miss You"

"How can you be sure it's her?"

Josie was seated on the small dock by the side of the lake, legs crossed beneath her and eyes scanning the calm surface of the water in deep contemplation. Seated next to her was Rafael, his own knees hugged to his chest with one arm, while his free hand was tossing small pebbles into the water a mere foot away from them.

"I don't know. I mean, I've never seen Hope's wolf before, but..." Josie sighed and distractedly pushed some stray strands of hair behind her ear. "She just feels so familiar. She feels strong and brave and kind." Josie shrugged and swallowed, rolling the next few words silently around her tongue before uttering them softly. "She feels like home."

Rafael glanced over to the girl beside him, contemplating the thoughtful expression settling between her brows. "Why would she bite you then?"

Josie shrugged and tilted her head to the side. "It wasn't really a bite. She wasn't being aggressive. It was more like... almost like..." Josie struggled with the words, and even more so with the meaning behind them. "Almost like she was trying to mark me." She looked up at Rafael with confusion, "This is why I'm talking to you, Raf. What does it mean?"

Rafael snorted a little and shook his head with a small smile in response. "Jo, I'm still a baby wolf. I don't really know. I've never experienced anything like it. I'm sorry." He felt a painful pang in his gut as he saw the look of disappointment that crept onto Josie's sweet face then, and sighed deeply. "But... if I had to think about it. I mean, if I had to guess - and this is purely based on my own feelings and instincts..." He paused and flicked another pebble into the water, this one with more meaning and effort.

"Wolves are territorial. We don't like to share anything that we deeply believe is ours, unless it is with our own pack. And we mark that which we think is ours so that any outsider may know that it is our territory." He trailed off for a few seconds as he reached for Josie's hand to bring it closer for observation. There was indeed a soft purple mark on the outside edge of her palm - a bruise. "What I'm confused about is how you have an actual physical mark if this happened in your dreams."

(...)

"MG, please!" Josie pleaded as best as she could, her hands wrapped around her friend's arm while he himself tried to squirm out of her grasp.

"Jo, seriously. I understand that you need answers. But I'm telling you." He stopped walking through the shelves of books for a second and turned to face her, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. "That wolf does not want me in your head. I felt sick last time. And let's not forget that wolves can actually kill inexperienced little vamps like me, mkay?"

"But MG it's not actually physically real. How can she hurt you if..." Josie stopped dead in her tracks after she had picked up her pace once more, flitting after the boy. He was staring at her in all worried seriousness, his hand wrapped around hers.

"However she managed to do this, Jo." He said softly, lifting her hand to eye level between them. "We both know that she is not some figment of your imagination. She is as real as she would be had she been here physically." He sighed and pulled her closer to him then, wrapping his arms securely around her in a hug. "I'm sorry. I want to help. But I really don't think me intruding on this wolf's territory is going to help."

(...)

Josie tentatively reached for the sleeping girl's hand, touching it softly at first, but soon sinking into the feeling and allowing her fingers to lace with the opposing pair. She watched Hope silently, a slight wetness forming in the corners of her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Hope. I know this is my fault... I just wish I knew how to fix it." She breathed out in a sigh and moved closer, allowing their private reverie to encase them in an intimate silence for a while. "Please help me." She breathed shakily after a few moments, then continued. "I know you're trying to tell me something. I know it's you. I can feel you, Hope. But I don't understand."

Josie shook her head slightly and tilted it to the side as she scowled at the seemingly peaceful girl. "Why your wolf? Where are you? Please... help me find you. If I can just find you... maybe... maybe..." Her words faded slowly as one tear finally escaped and rolled unopposed down her cheek. "I need you, Hope. I can't..."

Josie started to weep softly, burying her face into Hope's shoulder.

"Hope... I have to tell you something..."

She could feel her stomach churn as she started speaking about Landon. Her sobs grew more violent with each word, but she swallowed them down as best as she could as she poured her broken heart out to her friend. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to; she had absolutely no idea whether the words would even reach Hope on a conscious level somehow. But she had to purge and she had to get the pain off her chest. She felt so incredibly guilty, knowing that if Hope could somehow take in what she was busy telling her, that her heart would be broken into a million pieces.

A part of her hoped that perhaps it would allow her friend time to grieve in her own space without having to face dozens of sad expressions and consoling arms. Several long weeks had passed now since Landon's death and life was starting to slowly move ahead for everyone, despite the pain and sadness. But Josie knew that the longer Hope remained unaware of her loss, the harder it would hit her, and that while all eyes would be on her.

After what seemed like an eternity of emptying her heart to Hope, Josie stood slowly and lingered by the tribrid's side. After letting go of one more sniffle, she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss upon Hope's brow, then whispered softly before leaving, "I miss you..."

(...)

Josie opened her eyes and it was dark already. She was standing in the flower-filled clearing where she had spent her first night alone with Hope's wolf. The moon was hanging high in the sky and seemed to have a somewhat unholy glow to it.

She was completely alone. She couldn't feel Hope.

Slightly frightened, Josie glanced around her at the trees and their black silhouettes, searching for any sign of the wolf.

Her heart clenched painfully when she heard it then.

A deep howl from somewhere in the distance.

A broken howl.

A howl that sounded of utter despair.