Surreptitious

Chapter 19: Emotions

“And so, as human society developed agriculture and shifted to a more sedentary lifestyle, beginning some 12 millennia ago, people no longer had to…” Blah blah blah – it was all Hope could think as Ms. Wilson droned on from the front of the class.

Sedentary was at least right, which was how Hope was feeling regarding a certain brunette that she couldn’t get out of her head.

She tilted her head down and to the side as she focused on the sketch that she was idly busy with in her notepad. It was a drawing of Josie standing in the doorway of her bedroom, one hand placed on the frame, an uncertain look in her eyes. It was an image Hope’s mind had captured the evening after they had kissed.

That had been days ago.

Soon she started a new sketch – it took shape quickly as she opted for rough lines and emotional strokes. This one was an image of Josie studying in the library, her brow creased in concentration as she lost herself in the book before her. She hadn’t noticed the tribrid hopelessly staring at her from a distance, feeling a familiar tingle on her lips as she watched the younger girl lightly lick the tip of one finger and turn to the next page.

Hope had been unable to approach Josie ever since the intense moment they shared out in the woods. Even after that moment she was unable to deal with the emotions swarming within her, as if Josie had kicked open a hornet’s nest inside her guts. When Josie had given her half a gap, Hope had slipped around the large tree trunk. By the time Josie followed, Hope was already gone, having left nothing behind but Josie’s coat crumpled up in the grass. She had of course stayed nearby to make sure Josie got back to the school safely, but she had kept her distance as to not be noticed, slinking around in her wolf form. She had caught that one glimpse of Josie by her bedroom once Hope had run herself to utter exhaustion and returned to the dorms for sleep. Josie had retreated inside the room and closed the door before Hope could even approach her.

Hope couldn’t help but feel like a dick. She bet Josie hated her now. And she felt like she couldn’t even blame the witch. Josie was so extremely scared of what was happening to her and Hope couldn’t help but carry all of the blame silently on her shoulders. She knew that whatever was going on with Josie, now suddenly showing signs of turning into a wolf-witch hybrid, had to somehow be her fault. They still had no explanation, but Hope had bet herself that it had something to do with her fucking up somehow. How could she face Josie with all of that guilt creating an invisible wall between them?

Hope moved onto the next blank page in her notebook and started a new sketch. Her notebook was full of Josie Saltzman and she would keep adding to her collection. The new piece depicted Josie sitting by the fireplace in the lounge. This time her eyes were focused on the observer – Hope at the time – and she took great care when she drew Josie’s eyes. Even in nothing but grey pencil, she was able to somehow show the glow that Josie’s eyes held, especially against the fiery backdrop of the hearth at her back. At that time Hope had just walked into the lounge area, completely unsuspecting and caught off guard. Josie was staring at her with such intensity that Hope felt like she could melt under the girl’s gaze. Her mouth had run dry and her throat restricted within seconds, the tribrid quickly realizing that she had to get out of the room immediately.

That, in itself, was the other problem she was experiencing. Josie made her feel a hell of a lot of things, but the one most prominent emotion that kept sinking into the forefront of her mind was vulnerability. She felt vulnerable in Josie’s presence, and such for several reasons. Josie made her feel exposed, like she was wearing all of her heart on her sleeve around the witch and was allowing her to do with them as she pleased. Not that she believed Josie would ever intentionally hurt her, but it made Hope feel exceptionally uncomfortable knowing that Joie had the power to do so, especially so soon after Landon. Was she ready to open herself up to such a type of relationship and all of the pitfalls that may come with it? The thought alone made it hard for Hope to breathe.

The other reason that she was experiencing such increasingly vulnerable afflictions as of late when it came to Josie was a bit more primeval. Josie was dominating her, and Hope was honestly not sure how she felt about that little fact. She couldn’t understand it, much less explain it, but there was a very distinctive alpha presence within Josie that Hope’s wolf could recognize and felt obligated to submit to. Hope had never been interested in being the alpha of a pack and never thought she would be. As a tribrid, she couldn’t really comfortably form part of the wolfpack at school. As a loner, she never thought she would form close enough bonds with any number of people to even consider them a makeshift pack. But the Super Squad had come close, yet with the wolf-presence within Josie it was different. A wolf would always be a wolf, and would always respond instinctively no matter what. And Hope was instinctively drawn to Josie as an alpha over her.

This was problematic for two reasons. One – she was Hope Mikaelson; the tribrid; the hero, and to submit to anyone in any way would be a far removal of her character.

Two – it caused her attraction to Josie to intensify a thousand-fold. She was drawn to that alpha quality within Josie’s emerging wolf-side like a desert-dweller to a life-giving oasis. She not only wanted to drink from that pool of passion, but wanted to drown herself in it.

Simply put – she was putty in the girl’s hands. And what was more – she wasn’t sure she could control herself around Josie for long periods of time.

Hope sunk further into her reverie as she started yet another sketch of one of her very few encounters with Josie over the past few days. This time Josie was seated at a table with her face turned to the side and a plate of food, untouched, in front of her. It was at breakfast and Hope could remember how Josie refused to look at her all through the 20 minutes it took Hope to scoff down her food and make a hasty exit. The trouble had come when she approached the serving line and Josie was already returning from the food bank. They unexpectedly brushed past each other, and in a few seconds that felt like a small eternity, both sets of eyes started glowing as they locked gazes. Hope couldn’t speak for Josie, but in that moment all she wanted to do was drop everything and let her wolf out. The severity of the restlessness inside of her was indescribable, and it was something that only happened when she was in close proximity to Josie. Everything had just stilled – the voices, the movement, the faces, everything. All she could see was Josie’s flaming copper eyes. All she could hear was Josie’s strong heartbeat. All she could feel was the desire to tussle with Josie’s wolf, right then and there.

So even being near each other, even if it wasn’t for all the other issues, would still be a massive problem.

“Screw this…” Hope muttered under her breath as she slammed her notebook shut in frustration at the thoughts running rampant through her busy mind. “Hall pass, please Ms. Wilson.” Hope’s whole body shot up along with her hand as she had no intention of having her request declined. In fact, she didn’t even give the teacher enough time to respond before she was out the door of the classroom and quickly moving down the corridors to the girls’ bathroom.

She felt flustered and out of breath, almost as if she was about to have a panic attack. Flickers of Josie and her copper orbs kept on flashing before her whenever she closed her eyes, and even when she opened them.

And then they weren’t mere flashes anymore. As Hope leaned onto the basin with cool and calming water running over her hands, she had looked up and seen her standing there, in the mirror behind Hope. Hope spun around to make sure she wasn’t simply imagining things again, but she most definitely wasn’t.

There was Josie Saltzman, standing in the bathroom before her, eyes aglow and setting Hope’s own on fire.

Hope held her breath and swallowed in discomfort, completely lost as to what to do or say.

Josie, on the other hand, simply moved over to the bathroom door… and locked it.