Surreptitious

Chapter 32: Reflections

It had been a few days since Hope and Josie returned from New Orleans and about just as many that they last spoke to one another. For a pair that was bonded in such a unique way, they had never felt farther apart from each other than they did now.

Josie had spent what seemed like countless hours in the arms of her father and her sister, seeking their comfort and encouragement as she needed it more than anything. Lizzie was livid on the surface with the way Hope had hurt her twin and had used the previous few days constructively to come up with a whole range of new degrading nicknames for the tribrid; her favorite was wolf-whimp, of course – though Josie begged her to never actually use it. Despite the hurt and the frustration at Hope running away from her destiny, Josie was so sure that she could not run forever, and she would still rather offer her support and push her in the right direction than cause her more reason to feel like she was not enough to handle all the responsibility.

And despite Lizzie’s anger on the surface, deeper down she was sad more than anything else. She had started growing very fond of Hope ever since they started building a friendship some months ago, and though she loved telling both Hope and Josie that there was no way she would approve of the two of them being an item, it was actually all she wanted (but would never admit). She felt that they somehow completed one another and that the one’s weakness were the other one’s strengths. She felt they needed each other and that together they could achieve so much more than they ever could alone. She also was not blind to the emotions shown by either and their yet to be proclaimed love was the kind of love that truly was written in the stars. The example they set gave Lizzie hope for her own future happiness.

Hope, on the other hand, was having a whole different and unforeseen problem on her end ever since their trip. Initially her stressors were limited to being mated for life at 18 and serving as the alpha of her own werewolf pack, or watching the girl she cared about more than anything suffer. But Josie had allowed Freya to repress her wolf in her subconscious and Hope would be lying if she had said she didn’t feel relief because of it. She needed the time desperately to get her head straight. She didn’t want Josie to suffer and her guilt at the part that she had played in all of it was honestly eating her up inside. There was not even a world in which she felt deserving of Josie’s love for her.

And as if she knew that her response to the whole ordeal was wrong, her own wolf had seemed to disappear along with Josie’s. Hope could not explain it, but it felt as if a massive part of her was just gone. She couldn’t feel her wolf’s emotions: its anger and frustration, or its excitement at seeing Josie, or its desire to run and hunt. Hope had even gone out into the woods to wolf out the other night and literally found herself unable to. It was as if she was having a massive case of performance anxiety. Either that or her wolf was too angry and too sad at being cut off from Josie’s wolf and having to face the prospect of possibly losing her.

Hope’s wolf was being a moody teenager for sure.

Even so, it was exceptionally bothersome as it weakened her. Along with her wolf hiding away somewhere deep inside of her, she also found that she was unable to tap into her wolf abilities. She did not have the speed or the strength or the keen ears and eyes that she had gotten used to. More importantly, she had no rapid healing, which made her exceptionally vulnerable for the time being. Hope was starting to realize that it was as if the universe was trying to direct her journey, and while she thought she was running away from the issues and the problems – by doing so she was rather running towards the real problems.

Hope was Oedipus Rex and she was about to dive head first into her own ruin by trying to avoid it.

Avoiding Josie had been difficult and not entirely successful as the school was only so big. Hope would still catch a glimpse of the younger girl here and there – eyes would lock, non-verbal cues would be sent and received, and then avoidance would continue. Every time Hope saw those dark chocolate eyes looking over at her, she could feel her heart melt within her chest. The sadness in those eyes were so unnervingly clear and it made the grief within Hope’s own eyes only more obvious. She was grieving, no doubt – her youth, her parents, her freedom, her confidence, her wolf, and her mate.

Hope had suffered so much heartache in her life and it was what she was trying to avoid. But she couldn’t help but start to feel that it was her own actions that lead to the problems created that circled the heartache and gave it life. Her messing with her mom to get her dad’s attention, leading to her consequential execution. Her absorbing the darkness and being possessed leading to her father’s death in his attempt to save her. And again, now it was as if she was facing several doors and she had to choose one – the question was just which one would lead to Josie’s salvation, and which one would lead to her destruction.

Hope was overcome by the sense of responsibility. And despite all of these choices, it still seemed as if all paths lead to Josie. Everything was bout Josie. There were moments where Hope believed that everything had always been about Josie and that they always would be. A big question had been answered by her aunts – that it was indeed their wolves that drew them to one another so magnetically. And now the question was – what was the deal without that component? Did they still feel the same? Hope had no idea how Josie truly felt about her now after everything. Could she even be able to love Hope? Did Hope love her at all? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

And as if that wasn’t enough, there was Landon to contend with again. By the time the girls returned to school they found that Landon had been released from his cell after Emma took charge and with the help of the others came to the satisfying conclusion that it really was him that had returned. Landon was back to normal, going to class and hanging out with Rafael like it was just a few months ago. And the other thing that he clearly wanted to recreate the way it was a few months ago, was his relationship with Hope. The pressure simply kept mounting on the poor tribrid.

(…)

Hope and Josie discovered their requests to be escorted to the festivities at about the same time, but in different forms.

With everything that had happened and all the losses that had been suffered (but thankfully restored), Emma insisted that a dance be held in celebration of these victories; thus The Victory Dress-up Dance was brought to life, the theme being great figures of love and war throughout the ages – real or fictional.

Hope had received a single white rose tied to a rolled-up parchment. When she split the edges of the paper in order to read the message inside, she was half impressed that the whole invitation was written with quill and ink, but had to laugh at the terrible use of old-English. The message was one from “King Arthur”, requesting the young “Lady Guinevere” to allow him the pleasure of her company to the festivities at “Camelot”, where he would show her all that his kingdom had to offer in his efforts to win her hand in marriage. It was all very sarcastic and very cute at the same time.

Josie, on the other hand, was lying in the grass and staring up at the fluffy clouds drifting by, a certain vampire by her side that would not allow her to continue to isolate herself the way she had been. It took Jade some time and effort, but eventually she had managed to crack through the worst of Josie’s shell, and god knew that Josie needed someone who wasn’t scared to dote on her at the moment. Chatting and laughing as they strolled and played around by the lake, talks eventually turned to literature (Jade was an avid reader and a connoisseur of fine literary works) and she was busy explaining the concept of Nimue being the Lady of the Lake and how she was the one who provided the future king of Camelot, Arthur, with the sword Excalibur.

Josie had told Jade how the character sounded strong, dangerous and intriguing – just like her. She insisted then that Jade had to go to the dance as The Lady of the Lake. Jade loved the idea, but insisted that Josie join her in something fitting, such as Merlin the great wizard! Josie was not fond of the idea that Nimue eventually dispatched of Merlin, to which Jade then suggested she be King Arthur instead, but again Josie had an issue with how Arthur was too simple and trusting, which lead to his downfall. However, she then thought… Wouldn’t it be fun to go as Lancelot rather? She would love to be able to swing a sword around, after all.