Butterfly

chapter 14

It had been a couple weeks since the accident. My arm was still in a cast and my body was littered in little cuts and bruises. I have restless nights, but I have to remember it could've been worse. 'Hey, Isaac do you want a brew?' I called into the living room, 'yes please' he responded. He still had a massive gash on his face, but in a weird way it was sexy. 'shall we watch Harry Potter?' Isaac asked. 'do you even need to ask anymore' I replied setting down his tea. He chuckled, his voice was deep and gruff, probably due to lack of sleep. This was how we spent most of our days and evenings, trying to take it easy and get better. We went to bed, not long after. "I am going to stop making you tea! You never drink the bloody thing." I said switching off the living room light. Isaac smiled sheepishly, "sorry". We didn't have many visitors, it was kind of nice being alone together. His parents wanted me to come back to England. I thought this was way over the top.

We decided to brave it going to the supermarket. It was better than expected. All though, we had so many strange looks, and one lady even asked if we were ok, I assume it was my arm and all the cuts. They meant well but it was bugging me towards the end. We got back to the apartment, I made a sandwich and joined Isaac on the balcony. This was the first time I truly appreciated life. I was alive, with the person I love, I had health, food and a roof over my head. All these things, that even i myself took for granted. The sea was in front of us, this gigantic pool of freedom. I used to read Bob Dylan's quote 'nobody is free, even the birds are chained to the sky' a lot and I used to agree with him, I don't anymore. People or beings have the capacity to do whatever they set their mind too. This is also not down to fate, you are in control of everything you do, every decision you make will have a profound effect, but it was one you made, that is how you control your, feelings and your actions. You are the decider of you, no one else. 

I was getting ready to finally go back to work, however I was lucky I could work from home, so these last few weeks I didn't miss out on much work. Isaac still had a week left to recuperate, if you like. I invited Jude over for dinner, i just thought it would be nice to see him considering we kept to ourselves these last few weeks. This loud knock came from the door. I got up and opened it. "Hey! I'm so glad you could make it! how are you?" I asked grinning . Jude looked terrible, he'd lost some weight and had  big dark circles under his eyes. "Hi, I'm ok thanks, you look really well, surprisingly." Jude said, as if he was taken aback by my chipper tone. "I cannot say the same for you, what's going on?"
I asked. He sighed debating whether to say his next sentence. "Well, it's just the accident, still playing on my mind. It's so terrible." He said. I suppressed a surprised giggle. "oh Jude. But we are fine. No harm done. We finally went to the shops today, loads of people were staring at us. They can think what they want." I replied squeezing his had. He looked at me odly "who is us?" Jude asked awkwardly . "Isaac, what's going on Jude?" I asked, rather confused with his behaviour. Jude's face made a weird expression. "You've been with Isaac, talking to him and stuff." Jude said "yeah, why are you being weird?" I asked. He was silent for a moment. "Ivy, sit down" Jude said. "You're scaring me, what happened?" I asked taking a seat. He looked thoughtfully as if choosing his words carefully. "Ivy, Isaac died, he didn't make it after the accident." Jude started, I laughed "You got me, he's in the living room you idiot. Did you think that i would fall for that." I said getting up. He pulled me back down. " Ivy, I'm not joking, he had a bleed on the brain" Jude replied gently. I couldn't comprehend this, "it cant be, I've been with him, talking to him." I said, my head felt like it split in too. "you went to his funeral two weeks ago, his parents flew out, we played 'every grain of sand' BD. You yelled at the woman for eating 6 sausage rolls." Jude responded. My body went cold, I was furious. "JUDE, that isn't funny. He is in the living room, jokes like that are not funny. They are just cruel." I yelled. "Ivy I'm not, I p" he started, "NO, FOLLOW ME" I yelled again. I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the living room, I pointed at the chair Isaac was sat in, "see there he is" I said. Jude looked lost for words, "Ivy, there is no one sat there." He said carefully. "stop it, or get out" I replied "Ivy please, just listen," Jude started, " it can't be, Jude I know what I'm seeing, I think I would know if Issac died" I said after a moment. "Maybe it was too traumatic, maybe you want him here so bad, your brain is playing tricks" Jude replied. He pulled out a piece of paper. He gave it to Me, on the front was written, 'Isaac Alex Wilson, 13\11\95-18\04\20.' With a picture of Isaac's face. My body did the thing I've felt all to often, I was numb and cold. It felt like my blood was slowly leaving, like I was being stabbed in the stomach. An unbearable gut wrenching sickness.

What felt like a life time later Jude tapped me on the shoulder, but I felt paralysed, I couldn't react or respond it was as if I was in a comma but I was awake. "Ivy, hey, come on, Ivy. Please. Just talk to me" Jude was saying, it was muffled and static. I couldn't move. Suddenly this bright light was shining in my eyes, beneath me, what felt like a cold leather chair. I could feel someone's hand in mine, it was soft, welcoming and comforting. A lot of this part is a blur, It felt like my head had exploded. I had no idea where I was or why.

"Finnaly!" Jude said squeezing me tightly. "I was so worried, I thought I'd lost both of you" Jude said his voice quivering slightly. "What? what happened is Isaac ok?!" I asked panicked. Jude's face fell. "Where am i? Is this a hospital?" I asked concerned at Jude's reaction. Jude stuttered, "well, sort of, this is the psychiatric ward, I need you to listen to what I am about to tell you, it is going to be hard to hear. I just want you to know, I love you, and will be here for you. The whole time."  "Ok, tell me" I said uncertainty. Jude's face softened, "Ivy, Isaac died after the accident, you didn't remember any of it, not even his funeral, and you said you had actually seen him and spoken to him, which you might have, but it was your imagination. " Jude said. "Jude that is insane, I can't, I mean, that's just, how?" I said in utter astonishment. Everything he said was ridiculous. He grabbed my hand. "It sounds crazy, I know, but it's the truth, the doctors said you'll need to stay here for a while, just till your better." Jude started. " I AM better, don't do this to me, he isn't gone, he can't, he can't be gone, he just cant. " I was in an absolute state, I was choking on the massive lump in my throat. It was so big I thought I was going to be sick, "Jude We have to go, or they'll tell you, you are crazy too" I was talking fast and wild. "Ivy, calm down please." Jude said, holding me in a secure yet suffocating hug. "No, I'm leaving. With or without you" I growled, pushing him off with all my might. He still had a tight grip on Me, I was yelling, and chucking all things I could get a grasp on, "Ivy, stop it. Please" Jude said struggling.

Two nurses came in to help Jude, they managed to get me off and back on the bed. "This is a good thing, they're going to help you, I
can come and visit you" Jude said. Tears rolling involuntary down his cheek. I looked away. I didn't speak for 10 minuets, until the nurse said it was best if he went, I looked at him, I grabbed his hand, 'Please don't leave me here.' I screamed. 'I'm so sorry Ivy, it is the best thing for you.' Jude replied. I was crying hystericly as the nurse locked my door. Everything went numb and silent. All I could see was my friend walking away through the small window in my door.

(Here is song that best fits the 14th chapter) Brendand's death song- Red Hot Chilly Papers