No Matter What [BoyxBoy]

Chapter 5

Levi starts realizing his feelings, oooh!

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LEVI'S POINT OF VIEW:

There was a ledge big enough to sit on for the window in the living room, and that's where I sat. My back was leaning against the wall and my knees were brought up close to my chest, with enough room to rest my notebook on my legs. I was writing. I loved to write, it made me feel free. I wrote a lot more often ever since I came to live with Trace. That's pretty much all I do during the day. Trace said I was free to go outside whenever I wanted, but I was afraid. I couldn't go out there, not alone at least. Not with the memories I had...

We've gone out a couple of times, Trace and I. He took me grocery shopping and to different restaurants he liked. I bought myself some new clothes with money I had stashed away. I liked the time we spent together. He was so nice to me, and I couldn't deny how attractive he was. I noticed that I was starting to have a crush on Trace and I also grew more and more trusting of him. Everything he did was wonderful and I could find no flaw.

I was keeping a journal and writing poems here and there. I didn't want to forget anything. You only live once, right? At least that you can ever remember. But maybe one day we will live again, who knows? I often write about those kinds of things.

I looked up when I heard the shuffling of feet and Trace walked into the kitchen and started taking things from the cupboards. Oh... God... I thought to myself. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and that was it. No shirt, no pants... I urged myself to look away before I got carried away, but I couldn't. The way the muscles of his shoulders shifted as he grabbed things on the counter, the way his body twisted and turned back again... Oh... Just then Trace started talking, his back still towards me.

"Did you want to come with me to the park again while I play? I think you should, to get some fresh air," he turned to face me, "you know?"

I nodded, folded up my notebook, put the pen in the spiral and then jumped off the ledge of the window. We walked side by side down the sidewalk, not saying much to each other. When we got there I sat against the trunk of a tree behind Trace, who sat on a bench nearby. He laid his case on the ground, got his guitar out and started to play, and I began to smile. Those sweet notes, even if they were sad, they made me extremely happy. Just knowing that they floated out from the motions of his fingers, those wonderful fingers... Wow, my crush on him must have really been getting bad.

I told myself that I could watch him forever, but then I realized that wasn't exactly true. No, I didn't want to be the outsider of his life like I was now. I wanted to be in it, I wanted to be important to him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be myself, like the way I was before I came to New York. I used to be fun-loving and talkative, heck I still am. It's just that all of these recent experiences have been a lot for me.

But right now I felt like I could finally get over it and open up to Trace. I felt a lot more comfortable around him, so maybe now we could start being friends. And, maybe more...? Oh Levi, stop it, I scolded myself with a subtle smirk on my face.

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He was approaching me, and I wanted to run away, but I didn't. He set his guitar down at my side and put his hands on my shoulders, running them down my arms to my hands where he held mine in his. Then he brought one of his hands up to my face and caressed my cheek, looking deeply into my eyes. I was confused, but I wasn't going to refuse any of it. His lips moved, but I couldn't hear his words. Then he leaned his face close to mine and I was anxiously awaiting his next move.

Then I felt pain and I woke up on the ground. I quickly sat up, embarrassed that I had fallen asleep in public, and especially embarrassed because of the dream I had. I was underneath the tree and Trace was still playing. I must have fallen asleep while sitting and then fell over onto my side, hitting my head on the ground. I brushed myself off, hoping to myself that Trace hadn't looked back and seen me sleeping. How embarrassing...

A little while later Trace finished and I walked over to him. He collected his earnings and looked at me. "How about we go get something nice to eat?" I agreed. We made a stop at the apartment first and then went out together.

I couldn't help the skip in my step and the smile on my face the entire time. At the restaurant we chatted and shared interests. He plays not only the guitar, but the piano too. He's a really good dancer - at least I'm assuming he's good, he just told me that he likes to dance. We were done eating way too soon and the conversation ended.

We were walking back to the apartment and we passed the park that Trace usually goes to. I made the quick decision to run off down the path through the park. I heard a surprised, "Hey!" from Trace behind me. I looked back to see him stopped for a moment, then sprinting after me. I let out a laugh, knowing he would soon catch up to me.

I reached the top of a small hill, Trace at my heels. We both laughed when I stopped suddenly and he toppled into me. When our laughter died away I said, "Come on, sit down with me." And so he did.

I laid back on the grass and looked up at the sunset. One of my favorite things to do was look at the clouds. My favorites were sunrises and sunsets. It was almost perfect having someone with me this time, and not being alone while enjoying it.

"Isn't it a beautiful sunset?" I said.

"Yeah."

All of it was so romantic, but I couldn't help feeling that it was one-sided. He was straight, after all. And yet I... loved him. Yes, I guess it was safe to say now that I loved him. I knew that I was probably setting myself up for heartbreak, but I couldn't help myself. I was happy with even the slightest of chances that one day Trace would feel the same for me.