Mental

SEVEN- Refute

They think I can't hear them. They think their hushed voices are low enough. They also think I can't see their disgusted glances. But I can see them. I can hear them.

 

        My mind is ready to cave in. I can hear them so clearly, like they're saying it in front of me. I can hear what they're saying about me, about my "condition". I can also hear the warnings- to stay away from me, the freak.

But I can't.

Their words, their whispers, hit me harder, and harder and I just can't ignore it anymore. I want to tell them, to prove to them, to show to them that I am not crazy. I want to tell them how it feels to be ostracized. I want to prove to them that I am not something to be afraid of just because of my "condition". I want to show to them that I am just as normal as everyone is, but I can't because everything that they're saying is true.

I am crazy.

They should stay away from me.

I am not normal.

They aren't wrong. Never wrong.

I walk inside the dining hall and everyone stares at me. I look straight ahead and walk with my head up high. I can feel their stares. I can see their fingers pointing at me with disgust.

I make eye contact with one girl and she looks at me with so much disgust that it makes me stumble. She laughs at me and smirks. I shake my head and continue to the counter area. I fall in line and see the lady looking at me with the same disgust.

I don't have to say anything before a tray of food is pushed towards me. I look down at it and compare mine from others. Theirs looks so delicious while mine looks like yesterday's leftovers. I sigh and decide to just eat the only decent looking thing on my tray- an apple. I look for a table to eat at but I hear someone calling me.

"Hey Bea! Eat here!" Lucy shouts.

With wide eyes and flushed cheeks, I walk nervously towards her table, which happens to be in the middle of the room. I sit beside her and notice that the dining hall has gone uncharacteristically quiet. I turn back and see they are also surprised but Lucy doesn't even seem to notice. She just continues eating and chatting.

I look at the people in the rectangular table. There are only four of us with two empty seats. There is a beautiful girl, Lucas, Lucy and I. Lucy is beside me while the other girl is across me. The first empty seat is beside me while the other is beside Lucas. I nudge Lucy and point at the empty seat beside Lucas.

"Oh! That's Levi's seat."

"Who's he?"

She points to Lucas, who was talking to the beautiful girl, and says, "Lucas' best friend."

I nod in understanding and lock eyes with Lucas. All of a sudden, I'm freezing, feeling colder and colder by the second. I gasp and reach out for Lucy when I feel like I've been entrapped in ice.

I close my eyes and will myself to remember that this is not real. It's just in my mind. Slowly, I can feel the ice melt away and turn to water. I look at Lucas again but see him staring at me already, curiosity burning in his eyes. And I felt my heart skip a beat.

Cursing myself, I mask my emotions and cage my heart. I shouldn't feel. I shouldn't show emotions. I should never be vulnerable around him.

I look around the dining hall and notice everyone has resumed eating. I turn to Lucy when she nudged me. She looks between Lucas and I and wiggles her eyebrows. That made me chuckle.

Lucy leans towards me and whispers, "It's sad though."

"Why?" I whisper back.

"Cause that girl he's talking to is Jasmine, or Jas. Sweet and Innocent," She whispers, "Longest relationship Lucas ever had. She got him on a tight leash now."

We burst into a fit of giggles causing Lucas and Jasmine to turn our way. We ignore them and continue giggling. Lucas raises an eyebrow as if to say, "What?" I shrug and continue eating my apple. Lucy pokes me in the side and I look at her.

She leans in again and whispers, "I think he's in love with her. I don't know for sure but Lucas falling in love doesn't happen often," She pauses to think, "I think that never even happened before."

And for a moment there, I felt myself die a little. I quickly stop myself and hide it but Lucy laughs, seeing my reaction. Someone clears her throat and I'm surprised to see its Jasmine herself.

She blushes and says, "I'm sorry but I think we haven't had the proper introductions yet."

I laugh awkwardly and offer my hand for a shake, "My name's Bea. Lucy here was just talking about Lucas and you."

I think she just blushed deeper at what I said. I chuckle thinking, she's so innocent.

Jasmine laughs and says, "Well, I'm Jasmine Korz or just Jas for short. You can continue eating that apple of yours now. I don't want you getting hungry."

I laugh at her comment on my apple but continue eating it anyways. Lucy and I finally finish our meals- well, my apple and her meal. We stand up and bid goodbye to Lucas and Jas and head to the counter to return the trays. I say goodbye to Lucy and start to head back to my room for the rest of the night.

"Wait!" I hear Lucy shout and I turn back to her, "We'll have a camp assembly tomorrow. You should come." I think about it and nod my head.

"Sure, I'll go," I say agreeing to her.

Lucy grins and leaves me without even saying goodbye. Ouch, that hurt. Shrugging, I head back to my room. Finally, some peace and quiet.

 OKAY, SO MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN! Don't forget to comment or vote. Thanks! 

ON THE SIDE IS A PIC OF JASMINE OR WHAT SHE PREFERS, JAS ==>