Beyond Fangirl

Unrealistic Worries

I woke up early the next day. When I rolled over to check the time it was 5:28 am. Dan and I had agreed to meet at 11 am at the mall a few blocks from the hotel I was staying at. Knowing me, I would spend hours deciding what to wear and worrying about everything. I sat up determined to get Dan out if my head because with Dan brought way too many emotions; excitement, worry, doubt, nervousness, embarrassment and the trill of the possibilities. When Mari and I were in grade 8 we talked allot about keeping your hopes up but being prepared for anything. Back then, it was about crushes; not to think that he is deeply in love with you but not that he hates you. We talked about keeping a balance between the good and bad. What's the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen? Dan could be a serial killer. Dan could propose to me after he won the lottery and now has 100 000 000$. Find a balance, I told myself and lay back down on my bed.

"Shit! Lillian! It's 10:45! When did he want us to be there?" I bolted upright and swore under my breath.
"11. We have 15 minutes to get ready. Crap!" I ran to the washroom, knowing I didn't have time for a shower but I had to fix my hair. Slipping the elastic band off my wrist, I twisted my hair into a messy, blonde bun on the top of my head and threw some concealer and foundation on. Due to my limited time, I went through my mental closet so I know exactly what to do after I exit the washroom. I swiped enough mascara on my eyelashes to make my eyes stand out then ran out of the bathroom. "Black top, TARDIS skirt and black combat boots." I whispered to myself as I slipped out of my pjs and into my outfit. I walked in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection. My loose black shirt was tucked into my blue, police box skirt. My hair was fastened in a floppy bun on the top of my head and hair that was too short to reach the bun, framed my face.
"No time to stare at yourself. Come." Mari demanded. I followed her out the door while laughing to myself at the character switch. Mari was always the one who overthought everything and created her own things to worry about. I was still like that but a little more laid back and calm.

The entrance to the mall was small and there was only a few people milling around or waiting for a cab or for a friend. I reached to my...no, I don't have pockets. I'm wearing a skirt, duh. I sighed and asked Mari for the time. We were 7 minutes late. Crap. Just then I noticed Dan standing at the door. He was wearing black skinny jeans (what else?) and a t-shirt. Stooped over his phone with his back against the wall of the mall.
"Ah gosh. I'm nervous."
"Just calm down. It'll be fine." Mari nudged my arm and started walking towards him. I caught up to her just in time for Dan to look up. He looked directly at me and I inhaled sharply. I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips in a so-what-now face.
"Hey. We made it. Barely." I said hoping he could here the nervousness in my voice.
"Ha yeah." Dan replied. Awkward pause. Dan lifted his hand to fix his hair even though there was nothing wrong with it.
"Aren't we all talkative today!" Mari stated cheerfully.
"Only you." I looked over at her and gave a small smile.
"So, do you know where you want to go? Or what you want?" Dan asked. Even he looked nervous. My heart skipped a beat and I made a mental note to myself to remember that to tell Mari later.
"I was just planning to get the same thing I have now or I had."
"Which was..."
"Iphone 5s"
"Aw really, you don't want a iPhone 6?" Dan looked genuinely disappointed.
"Well aren't they, like, two hundred dollars more? I wouldn't want to spend that much on a phone," Dan opened his mouth about to object but I cut him off, "So, I'm not going to make you buy that for me."
"Before you make up your mind lets go to the Apple Store. And by the way, the difference between a 32 gb iPhone 5s and a 32 gb iPhone 6 is only $160." I turned to him and raised my eyebrows.
"Other then the cost there isn't too much of a difference, right? Like the iPhone 6 is bigger and ugly-"
"Ugly! They're gorgeous! I agree with the size but thats only for the iPhone 6 plus!"
We continued like that all the way to the Apple Store until Mari gave up, saying that she was going into Coles to see if they have the book she has been searching for. Only I know that she either is bored out of her mind or she wants to leave Dan and I alone.
Dan showed me the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 plus and explained the benefits of them both and why they were better then what I had before.
"Well, I know I don't want the big one because I don't think it actually fits in my pocket, and that would be a pain, but the iPhone 6 is still more expensive." I bit my lip in thought. "How about if I pay for half of the cost. Then I can get the 6th generation without feeling like I have robbed you of your money."
"Yes!" Dan seemed way too excited, but it was so cute. His brown eyes shone. "Sorry, I just won't be able to buy a new phone until I have a valid reason because I have heard so many good things about the iPhone 6." We called over an employee and bought the phone (I chose the grey and black one). Mari was waiting on a bench outside the store and we met up to find a seat in Starbucks for lunch. Not wanting to send Mari to get lunch, I took orders from the two of them and stood, waiting in line. I stole glances at Mari and Dan having a conversation about something. I seem to have problems with talking and keeping the conversation going but that was never a difficulty for Mari. She could talk to anyone about nearly everything.
After waiting for an elderly man to chose between a vanilla frappé and a pumpkin spice latte, I finally ordered and got the food they had wanted.
"So you're both from Canada then? That's so cool. I have been there once or twice." Dan replied to something Mari said earlier. I sat down and handed out sandwiches and drinks.
"Have you really been to Canada? Because Toronto barely counts." I said with a smirk.
"Ah well then I have not totally been there. I went to Toronto and maybe Quebec City, but I don't remember. It was nice though, no one lived in an igloo which was surprising." Mari laughed and I smiled.
"It's pretty surprising, especially for those who are visiting Canada for the first time. Although usually it's the Americans who are more gullible." Dan chuckled and picked up his chicken and lettuce sandwich. I followed his suit and bit into my sandwich, but after hearing Dan swear quietly, I looked up. A piece of lettuce sandwich and onto his lap. I snickered.
"That's a Lillian thing to do." Mari said to Dan.
"Hey!" I cried and glared at her. Dan stood up and announced that he was going to clean up.
When the door to the men's bathroom shut, Mari turned to me and spoke, "So, when you were waiting in line I was talking to Dan about life and if he has been seeing anyone lately and whatever." I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my lip. Mari always did that. Every time she had the chance she would immediately pelt them with questions trying to get some answers from them about their love life. Which could be annoying but it could be useful at times. If I'm too shy to talk to someone she can find out things for me. "He said that he isn't interested in anyone right now and hasn't been for a while." I sighed. Good, nothing about me. "I also asked him if he thought you were pretty but he just blushed and said I guess."
"What?! You can't ask him that!" I scream whispered.
"Whatever, calm down. He didn't laugh and say no or something worse. Its good it's a sign. It could mean something." Mari insisted.
"No and I'm probably not gonna see him again after today." I growled.
"Aw! Come on. Keep you hopes up. Be more positive." I took a bit of my sandwich, choosing not to reply.
Dan exited the washroom and helped me set up my phone using the Starbucks wifi and his laptop which he brought with him everywhere, it seemed.

After another half hour of chatting, we decided it was about time to leave.
"See you, Lil." Dan said and waved at Mari. I grinned to myself. Lil. He had given me a nickname.
Dan walked away from us down the street. At one point we turned around at the same time and we both blushed from opposite sides of the block.

When Mari and I got back to the hotel after another day of searching for a flat. I flopped down on my bed. When I wasn't discussing with a realtor about the pros and cons of the flat we were a bit interested in, I was thinking about Dan. He was so much more fun, sweet and awkward then he was through the screen on my phone or computer. But who knows if he thought similar of me. Probably not because I was only one in 3 million fans. I sighed and pulled my phone awkwardly out of my pocket. My phone had synced with my old phone so I had everyone I had before on my contacts but I chose to check anyway, just in case. While I flipped through the names of my friends and family I came across the only new name. I cracked a smile and looked at the name on my screen.

Dan Howell

~~~

Hello!
Thank you for reading this! It means so much to me.

Lots of love,
Laura