Beyond Fangirl

Cheesy Goodbyes

"Hey, Lillian?" Mari calls from the hotel washroom.
"Yeah?"
"I need to tell you something. I didn't want to spoil all the excitement of coming to London and all, so..." She steps out and leans against the door frame, looking at her feet. "About 4 months ago, I enrolled for a scholarship at the New York Film Academy for a 2 year program." She bit her lip. "I got a letter a week before we left."
"Really? Did you get it! I heard that it's a great school."
"Yeah. I did." She looked down.
"That's amazing! Oh my gosh! Why didn't you tell me earlier! Ah. That's so cool. Are gonna take acting or-" Mari stared at the ground. "What's-what's wrong?"
"I-I'm just so nervous. I feel so unprepared. Especially after you already settled in and you seem so ready for this life. Like university and living by yourself. I don't know if I'm ready for this."
"Are you kidding? I have been so nervous these past few days. I haven't gotten any sleep between apartment shopping and Dan and university." I stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her hand. "To be honest, you have been the only reliable thing. If you weren't here with me..." Mine and Mari's eye met. I didn't know how to finish the sentence without sounding like a dork. "Thank you" I whisper. Her eyes fill with tears and Mari pulls me into a hug.
"Thank you!" I step back.
"Now, have you told them you're going? And I don't know if I can go there and help you shop for a flat, but we can online shop, right?" She smiles and we get to work on my laptop.

Mari stands at the door with her suitcase all packed. "I'm sorry I can't stay longer", she says to me. I smile at her.
"No. I don't need you." I wave my hand at her like I'm swatting a fly. She rolls her eyes but smiles at me. "We need to go soon, though. Your plane leaves in a few hours."
Together, we walk out of the hotel and wave down a taxi to take us to the airport. After an hour, she is through customs, on the other side of the wall as I am. I pick up my phone.
Miss u already
I press send and an answer replies within seconds.
God, u are SO cheesy
I grin and walk away from the airport. Feeling strong and confident on my own, for the first time in forever.

A few days after Mari went away, my furniture and all of my crap arrived in London. They called my cell and asked where to bring it, I told them the address of my new flat. I left the hotel and took the subway to my flat. Once they arrived they brought my belongings inside and dumped it all in the living room. Then they were gone and I got directly to work. Rebuilding my disassembled bed; hanging shelves; blasting Gerard Way and Vampire Weekend through speakers I found in my suitcase; and occasionally texting Dan.
After 7 hours straight of working, I lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling. I was sweating buckets and hungry as hell. I walked to the washroom and splashed water on my face. Couchless, I sat on my winged, grey reading chair in the living room.
What feels like moments later, I wake up to the sizzle of food on a pan and the smell of something delicious. Chinese maybe? I stand up, stiffly, noting to myself to never sleep on that chair again. I turn to face the kitchen and see Dan standing by the stove.
"Oh!" I cry. He pivots and looks at me with his dark brown eyes.
"Sorry, I just came to see how you were doing." He blushes. "With the flat, I mean." For a moment his eyebrows furrow. I smile. Earlier he had offered to help if I waited until tomorrow, because he was busy today, but I declined the offer and took the opportunity to be alone for a bit.
"Oh my gosh. Food." He throws his head back and laughs his normal, loud, adorable, lovely, energetic laugh. It makes me want to kiss him. Shut up Lillian!
"You're hungry, then?"
"Ah. Starving. How did you guess?" He laughs again and turns back to the stove. I immediately look at his butt yet quickly direct my eyes away, blushing.
A moment later he comes to where I sit with a pile of rice covered in a saucy stir fry. I eagerly pick up the fork but right before a take a bite I look up and see Dan watching me. I raise my eyebrows.
"Oh. I'm not hungry. Plus that's all I made."
"Ok." I take a small, self-conscious bite and my mouth is filled with flavour. "Oh my gosh." Dan grins at me and in reply, I take another bite. Every mouth full as good as the first, I finish the meal in less then 7 minutes. I thank him for coming over and cooking for me and we start talking about school experiences, life in Canada and so much more until dark. He stands up to leave and I crave for him to stay longer but eventually he leaves. I shut the door behind him and I lean against it, like people in romantic comedies. Minutes pass and I finally make my way to my room. Its plain white walls and ceiling are now accompanied with a black framed bed and an empty bookshelf. I rummage through the boxes strewn throughout my room and find a pair of pyjama shorts and an old Tshirt. I strip out of my denim shorts and shirt, and slide into comfortable pyjamas.

I wake up the next day to an overcast sky. I groan, knowing today will be a day of work. Less burdensome then the day before, though. I roll over and check my phone, which lay on the ground because of the lack of bedside table, and 2 texts appear. One from Mari and another from Dan. Because I am a junior high girl at heart I check Mari's text first, I don't want to seem "desperate". She tells me that she found 2 flats in New York, both are affordable and relatively close to the school. Then she sent me pictures of them. The outside of the building, the entrance, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. She also texted me the link a realtor owned website that displays their dimensions and cost. I flip through pictures and information but eventually give up on my patience and check what Dan said.
Do you want to go on a date sometime? Maybe dinner or a movie. Or both if u want.
I blink. Check the name. Is this Dan? Dan Howell? Yes. Ok. Breath. Read again. Reread. Reread again. Oh. Oh my gosh. What. Is. This. WORLD?! I screenshot the message before replying. Then send it to Mari saying that I can't believe this is happening and I don't even....call me soon. Mari is one out of the 2 people in the world who know how much I love Dan and Phil. I was constantly watching and rewatching their videos. I had assembled a group of internet friends through Instagram and Tumbr who shared the same love of Dan and Phil as I did. We would discuss videos and signs of Phan being real. We read each other's fan fiction and co-owned an Instagram fan account. What was happening now, was something I had written about so many times. I had dreamt up so many ways for Dan to ask someone out, whether it be Phil or a character vaguely based on me. I felt like I was dreaming but I forced myself back into reality.
This was actually happening. I have to figure out how I'm going to reply. Breath in, breath out I instruct myself to calm down and think.
Yes. That would be splendid.
No. Too straight foreword and victorian sounding. Restart.
Of course. Dinner?
Boring! Delete.
Yeah sure. Dinner and a movie then?
Personally, I don't like to see a movie on a first date. You can't talk or get to know each other better. All you do is sit and stare at a big screen.
Sure. I would love to. How about dinner?
Whatever, this will have to do. I press send and pray that he replies soon. I can't bare the wait.

~~~