How I Saved Harley Matthews

Chapter Twenty-Five: This is Where I Leave You

I pressed my hands to my thighs to keep them from shaking. The thunderstorm continued rolling on and lightening lit the room every now and then.

Sick.

Sick.

You're still sick.

These words screamed in my head. And I struggled to quiet them.

Sick! Audin!

Audin's still sick!

YOU'RE SICK!

"New Years Eve!" I shouted into the silent room as I tried to block out my thoughts. "It was New Years Eve... Briann had invited me up to her university for break." I said quieter as the memories began to flood back.

"She loves to party, God she loves it." I was staring off to my bathroom door, but I could feel Harley's eyes tacked to me.

"So of course there was a huge end of the year celebration at her friend Ray's. And we went..." A clap of thunder roared from outside.

"I had been to Ray's parties before, but this one was so much different. The set up, the drinks, the people." I paused for a moment. "It was fun."

"Briann traded my hand for the dance floor as soon as we entered the loft. But that was usual, and I was always capable of caring for myself." I tugged as the comforter crumbled beneath me, and I slowly continued.

"But this time was different, I met this guy who seemed to walk right out of a Ralph Lauren catalogue. But I'm not stupid, his looks weren't everything. I wasn't stupid." I repeated, and I want sure if I was trying to convince Harley of that or myself.

"He offered to buy me a drink, which I declined. That's Briann's and my primary rule, don't accept drinks. But he was persistent, so persistent that he got me a drink anyway." I grasped the fabric between my hands.

"I had been pre cautious, I watched his every move as the drink left the bartenders hand into his then to mine. And I saw nothing..." I swallowed before continuing on with my story.

"He wanted to dance after that, and I loved dancing, it was my life. So we went. And about thirty minutes later on the floor, I started feeling weak. My vision was foggy, and I could hardly remember my first name or why I had come."

"I couldn't find Briann anywhere, and I couldn't even walk for myself. Sweat was pouring from my body, so when we got outside, the first thing I noticed was the temperature and how amazing it felt against my skin."

"He dragged me across the street, shoved me in the back seat of his tiny sports car and-" I stopped in mid sentence.

I pressed a hand to my mouth to muffle any cry that might try and escape my from demons. My body was crunched into a ball, and I held myself tight as if I might fall apart if I didn't. "He took everything from me, he used me and left me on the street to bleed out from his knife wounds. The investigators on my case said he'd hoped I'd die like his other victims, but Briann found me first. So far, I'm his only survivor." I muttered.

"To this day I hate publicly dancing at parties, I'm claustrophobic and have random and severe anxiety and panic attacks. I can't have sex, I freakout before anything even happens. Doctors said I'm lucky to still function normally and that's all the post traumatic stress I have to experience. The sight of blood makes my own blood pressure drop instantly, and I blackout within a matter of seconds."

A dark silence wrapped around us, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. My eyes traced his stony figure, and I spoke once more as he burned holes into my body.

"I thought with you, with the way that I felt, I wouldn't choke up. I thought that if I wanted it badly enough, I could put it all behind me... I guess not." I whispered.

His eyes snapped shut, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. I crawled across the bed and stood on my knees in front of him.

I lifted my hands up to hold his face, and all I wanted was to feel his skin under mine, to feel his hands on me. "Audin." He whispered, and his voiced cracked.

He let his hand fall, and his eyes opened. "You can still touch me." I muttered, but he didn't move. "Will-will you just." I stopped abruptly. "Please just hold me Harley."

"No." He breathed and I swear, if I wasn't broken before, I was now.

My hands slowly fell to my sides as the sharp pang spread through my body. It was if my broken heart was pumping the vile through my veins.

"I can't, not if I'm going to do this." He said.

My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, but he kept talking. "I'm leaving you." He said flatly. "Not because I don't feel anything for you but quite the opposite. I don't deserve you, and I can't keep you safe no matter how hard I try. You need someone better, someone not like me."

He began to pull away, and I sat in shock. His feet hit the floor, and I heard him searching for his clothing as what he just said processed in my mind.

"You-you... no. No! You can't just decide you're leaving now!" I yelled at him.

He was buttoning his jeans and the he started to un wad his shirt. "Harley!" I shouted as I snatched his shirt away. "Look at me. You're not leaving." I demanded.

"Audin please don't do this." He muttered.

"No you don't do this!" I yelled. "You can't just love me and run away! It's not fair." I pleaded.

That's when I felt it. The giant lump in my throat, it pricked my eyes with tears.

"No Audin..." He soften a little, taking a step closer to me. "Don't cry." He whispered.

"Then don't make me." I bellowed as my vision blurred more and more.

"I don't think you understand how much I hate myself for doing this." He said lightly.

"Then don't do it!" I yelled as I threw his shirt at the floor.

"Don't you see I have too! I can't protect you from guys like that, I nearly let one defile you even more! You need a good stable person Audin," He said through his clenched teeth. "And that's not me."

He turned for the door, shirt in hand now.

"Harley, I swear if you walk out that fucking door." He didn't stop, just continued to the hall.

"Harley Matthews!" I screamed.

No response.

I fell to my knees and hunched over into ball rocking slowly back and forth. "I fucking hate you." I whispered as I shuttered.

The worst was coming. The tears built up fast and took only a half a second to spill down my face. My chest ached from trying to hold it all in, and I let gasps in here and there, trying to supply my lungs desperately without making loud noises. And then finally I couldn't hold it in any longer. A heart crushing yelp left my lips and it was all over.

We were over.

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A/N: Yo-Yo

So ladies and gents, there it is!
Cat's out of the bag!
Sadly... I'm sorry it had to end on this note...

Like always, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I don't really have much to say so... See you next Sunday? Bye guys!