Out of Oblivion

Chapter 5

My morning consisted of a biscuit for breakfast and preparing for my fourth interview with Rogers. We had planned to meet at the cafe on the first floor of SHIELD HQ. I chose a mint blouse with a white sweater, a grey tweed skirt and black boots with tights. To finish the outfit, I added a necklace of pearls and loose curls in my hair. 

After the last shower of hairspray and a quick glance in the mirror, I grabbed my notebook and tablet and headed to the cafe. When I arrived, Rogers was already there sitting at a table by the big, wall sized window. He stood up when he saw me and greeted me wi.th a smile and a handshake. "Good morning, Stanton. How are you?" 

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you doing?" 

"I'm alright. The sun is bright this morning, but not warm of course." 

I glanced out the window, puzzled by his random comment. "Yes, winter is coming, for sure." As I sat down, I noticed he did not do the same. 

"Yes...winter is coming..." He mumbled, dazed. 

"Rogers? You alright?"

"Yes, I just...I'm sorry, Stanton, let's begin so you can get back to work." 

His absent mind concerned me, but I began nonetheless. 

I opened up my notebook and leaned over the table, making sure that he was listening. "My last article was about your boot camp training in the army in the 1940s. To follow that up, I'd like to write an article about a memorable experience you had while you were in the army." 

Rogers was looking at me now, his brow furrowed in concentration. 

"I'd say my most memorable experience in the army was fighting alongside the Howling Commandos. They were a group of chivalrous fellas who willingly braved my outrageous tactics of stopping Hydra," Rogers began, running his fingers along his jawline. 

I jotted down each word he said. "When you say 'outrageous tactics', what do you mean by that?" I asked. 

"Well, the most outrageous," he began with a playful smile, "was when we knocked on Hydra's front door. The Howling Commandos had already been bloodied up by another battle against Hydra's weapons, but they were willing to go at it again." 

"Who were the members of this group?" I inquired. 

He thought for a moment, as if trying to recall their names. "There was… Dum Dum, as his nickname was. Dum Dum Dugan. And Jim Morita, Montgomery Falsworth, Gabriel Jones, uh, yeah, Jacques Dernier, and...Bucky Barnes." 

I flinched at the last name and hoped he didn't notice. "Did you lose any of these men during your battles?" I immediately regretted my question. I had done my research. I knew who he had lost. 

Rogers' gaze lifted toward the glimmering sun out the window. Even with the rays casting crystals in his blue eyes, a deep sadness shadowed his features. "I lost...I lost Bucky." He muttered something else under his breath that I didn't catch. 

"I'm sorry, Captain." Those were the only words that could escape my mouth. 

"It was my fault. If I hadn't left him in that train car by himself, he never...I tried to reach out to him! But the handle broke and oh...it's my fault that he's suffered so much. Hydra wiped him completely. There wasn't a trace of Bucky Barnes left in that assassin for a while. But somehow I still knew it was him." His words slipped from his tongue like tears. He was looking straight into me, now pleading, as if I could take away the memory and the pain. 

"You really believe that the Winter Soldier is Bucky?" I pressed. He seemed taken aback by my question. 

"Of course I believe it. Hydra found him at the bottom of that gorge when it should have been me. They thought they were saving him, but instead they killed him. It's all such a mess." 

"But, Captain, the Winter Soldier has killed so many people. He is a ruthless murderer. Your friend Bucky Barnes was brave and chivalrous and faithful to you. How can that be the same person?" 

"The Winter Soldier is a ruthless murderer?" Anger flashed in his eyes, but he didn't raise his voice at me. "Agent Stanton, the Winter Soldier is dead. Bucky Barnes is slowly returning, but the assassin is gone. Why are you acting like he is still here, killing people right now?"

"I just don’t see how the Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes can be the same person. He killed so many people, Rogers. Including…including my best friend," my voice caught in my throat, as if I was going to cry, but the tears never came.

Rogers flinched, as if realizing why I was so reluctant to believe. He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his hands together slowly. "You know, Stanton, if you really want to know the truth, then go to him. You may not want to, but if you're smart, you will. Trust me on this."

I tried to melt the anger boiling inside me. The Captain was right. My sister's words echoed in my mind, "Sooner or later you're going to get into trouble."

"Alright, I'll go to him. But, that may not change my mind."

Rogers nodded, his face in a sad droop. I stood up and gathered my things, preparing to leave. "Good day, Captain." As I began to leave, the Captain gently took my arm and held me back. I turned to face him, only glancing into his eyes.

With a voice laced in sadness, he mumbled, "The Winter Soldier killed my best friend too."